(no subject)
Its weird how we throw the word friend around like its just so cavalier ... cause its not ... very few people we call "friend" are actually a friend to us ... maybe i shouldnt be generalizing this because Im pretty much talking about myself... I guess its just that lately i realized i have very few True friends and I was thinking about last year and the summer berfore 11th grade when Id hang out in kingwood all the time and I thought those kids were my friends but they werent... i see that now ... i was just kind of an outsider that came around and they tolerated me ... Im sure very few of them actually thought i was cool... but Id go to all their shows and support their music and encourage them because they made me happy and gave me an escape for a while from all that was troubling me at home ... I dont think they'll ever realize how much them just hanging around with me really helped me ... ( and in some instances hurt me )( but we wont name names ) but I realized I was always the one making the effort to be their friends and none of them ever called me or asked to hang out Id always call them and if they really liked me theyd call and say hey casey come hang out we miss you or what the fuck ever and i guess what bothers me most of all is that theyd tell me how awsome i was and that I should come hang out more often ... oh well maybe i shouldnt dwell on it so much ... i guess the point is i dont go to kingwood anymore and i dont IM them and i dont call them and i dont go to their shows and honestly it makes me very sad cause there were a few of them that were really great people and i miss them .. and wish we could still be friends... they have my number ... I kinda wish theyd call... no big deal though i have Josh and Josh and Katy and they are TRUE friends ... they mean so much to me ... I wish everyone could care like that ...