Hello, you've reached Kazuhiko Amamiya. I am unable to come to the phone right now, but if you leave you leave a brief message, someone will get back to you.
Roman's outsides and insides are too dear to lock away. A man like him is very rare and I care very much for him. As much as I can care for anyone.
[A beat.]
It is what Godot, what Diego, wishes for me. It may be what Urick wishes for me. I have been thinking for a long time while I was away that perhaps ... he wishes for me to stay forever out of his sight. But he will always feel me because of my power ... the pact that I have. This is the only way that I will never be tempted to bother him and how he will never feel me.
Will this make him happy? Will it make him love me, Kazuhiko?
But I digress, I only have a limited amount of time and I have only been given one phone call.
Can you go to [address] and pick up my things that are there? Just clothing and a teddy bear named Little Roman. I'm worried about him being left alone and forgotten ... I want to know someone is caring for him.
[He can't breathe. He can't. This is what has been resting inside his mind, mulling around for the says since Yaha had left, but to hear it-
There's no maliciousness here, at all. His mind and life had always been full of things done for the pure sake of pleasure, for nothing but selfish gain, and he condoned it with everything in him. What Yaha has done is no different, but his breathing doesn't return as it would against facing the horrors of someone like Ueno, ... like the one in his head... like Shinji...
Another, almost desperate attempt to breathe, with nothing shown outward but a dragging silence. It he was more dissociated, he would be crying.
... not one mention of himself, not even Shinji. But the sincerity is there, something he can't deny.
[His mind is frozen on the thought. An intent gone astray in action... If the same motive had been paired with a different action... Things might be different now. An understanding like one he's never had with one who takes life is writhing around in his mind, and the knots in his stomach tighten. The very basic essence... he's agreeing with the motives of a murderer, sympathizing...
But nothing is worth the price of a human life... Right?]
I don't know, Yaha. I'm not him, I can't predict what he will think...
[There's a jolt that heaves bile up into his throat, but never enough to make a sound...
[Yaha coughs slightly. That bitch. His eyes close as he is only fine with pain when it is given to him by a man, but this agony. His eyes slide off to the side as he continues his conversation from the hospital bed. Solitary confinement and temporarily trapped in bed. So unfortunate it is for him, but it makes him as happy as he can be that those he cares for are free.
There is concern at the sound of his friend's breathing and tries to offer consolation.]
You're ever so sweet, Kazuhiko. Little Roman is the best company and will be good for you. He'll listen to all your secrets without complaint. Very lovely to hold whilst sleeping and has the kindest of smiles. Just like the one he is named from.
[A sigh.]
I thought that I should call a lawyer but even the best in this city would not be able to save me, you know. I suppose that is fine... I don't think any of them will wish to save me, anyway.
Anyway, I was worried that they were going to take my home and that you would be without that security. But I'm happy that I was able to do that for you, Kazuhiko.
[Cheerfully.]
I wonder if you regret knowing me. I am certain that you do, but still ... I hope that you use all the money that I have gathered for your happiness. You really do deserve to smile brightest as you are my favorite of the personalities that I met.
[Another pained sound.]
And thank you for keeping your promise. You were there at home ... you were waiting for me. I'm sorry that I won't be able to return to your side... I hope you do not hate me too much for being unable to keep my word.
[Tight. His chest is so tight, there's no breathing, no way for air to slip through. This time he chokes, something wet and rough. The talk of the teddy bear is irrelevant, though he would not fail in retrieving it. He would leave everything as it is now, every last wrinkle in the bedclothes. He has no right to touch these things... Without thinking, his mouth moves, answering:]
No, I don't regret it. I never will. I regret many things, but meeting you isn't one of them.
[Regret not being able to help... not being able to see, to predict, to profile the way he had before, being blinded by the comfort that he only just regained, the sense of normalcy that he wants so badly, like nothing else in the world. Regret not being real enough... not being real enough to consider, to make an impact. Though logic fights and says yes, there was consideration, and now, now he has an empty apartment. Something that won't change, that shouldn't change, because Yaha is where he belongs, for murder, for killing and helping someone who kills. For
( ... )
[A hiccup, and he's back, and he speaks again, this time an anger and desperation rushing through him. Maybe it stems from the voice, that mocking voice in his head.]
I wanted to save you. I want to save you! I told you that. I told you I would help you but you ignored me! You lied to me and said you'd come back! I should have seen this coming, that you intended to do something like this. I should have stopped you!
I want to save you! [He's surprised at the volume of his own voice. He didn't hear himself speak, but only listens to the echos around the apartment. In a softer voice, he speaks again.] That's... that's what friends do. They help each other. And you wouldn't let me...
[Yaha is surprised at the anger in Kazuhiko's voice. He smiles softly -- as the surprise fades completely..]
You can't fix what is broken, Kazuhiko. A jewel as broken as I am will only cut the jeweler who tries to smooth out the edges. [A soft sigh.] I did break my word ... would you like me to start to tear into my injuries? I could see if I could do so before they stop me from self injury. I feel it is the least I owe you.
[And is becoming more disjointed in his thoughts because he is feeling a little less stable without feeling his children, without feeling Urick. Feeling so removed from everything.]
Kazuhiko, I want you to visit Liquid from time to time... he will keep his promises to you and will be a lovely jewel for you to hold.
I think that I am running out of time to talk with you ... I'm sorry this may be the last conversation that we have one with one another.
[Another sigh.]
Still, I'm happy ... I'm happy that you do not regret knowing me and that you wished to save me. No one has ever been so kind to me. This is how I know that you are real.
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[Why does he feel like he knows who this call is from?]
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Are you doing well?
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[A beat.]
It is what Godot, what Diego, wishes for me. It may be what Urick wishes for me. I have been thinking for a long time while I was away that perhaps ... he wishes for me to stay forever out of his sight. But he will always feel me because of my power ... the pact that I have. This is the only way that I will never be tempted to bother him and how he will never feel me.
Will this make him happy? Will it make him love me, Kazuhiko?
Reply
Can you go to [address] and pick up my things that are there? Just clothing and a teddy bear named Little Roman. I'm worried about him being left alone and forgotten ... I want to know someone is caring for him.
Reply
There's no maliciousness here, at all. His mind and life had always been full of things done for the pure sake of pleasure, for nothing but selfish gain, and he condoned it with everything in him. What Yaha has done is no different, but his breathing doesn't return as it would against facing the horrors of someone like Ueno, ... like the one in his head... like Shinji...
Another, almost desperate attempt to breathe, with nothing shown outward but a dragging silence. It he was more dissociated, he would be crying.
... not one mention of himself, not even Shinji. But the sincerity is there, something he can't deny.
... just acceptance...]
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But nothing is worth the price of a human life... Right?]
I don't know, Yaha. I'm not him, I can't predict what he will think...
[There's a jolt that heaves bile up into his throat, but never enough to make a sound...
I'm alone again...
His voice comes hollow:]
I'll go.
Reply
[Yaha coughs slightly. That bitch. His eyes close as he is only fine with pain when it is given to him by a man, but this agony. His eyes slide off to the side as he continues his conversation from the hospital bed. Solitary confinement and temporarily trapped in bed. So unfortunate it is for him, but it makes him as happy as he can be that those he cares for are free.
There is concern at the sound of his friend's breathing and tries to offer consolation.]
You're ever so sweet, Kazuhiko. Little Roman is the best company and will be good for you. He'll listen to all your secrets without complaint. Very lovely to hold whilst sleeping and has the kindest of smiles. Just like the one he is named from.
[A sigh.]
I thought that I should call a lawyer but even the best in this city would not be able to save me, you know. I suppose that is fine... I don't think any of them will wish to save me, anyway.
Reply
[Cheerfully.]
I wonder if you regret knowing me. I am certain that you do, but still ... I hope that you use all the money that I have gathered for your happiness. You really do deserve to smile brightest as you are my favorite of the personalities that I met.
[Another pained sound.]
And thank you for keeping your promise. You were there at home ... you were waiting for me. I'm sorry that I won't be able to return to your side... I hope you do not hate me too much for being unable to keep my word.
Reply
No, I don't regret it. I never will. I regret many things, but meeting you isn't one of them.
[Regret not being able to help... not being able to see, to predict, to profile the way he had before, being blinded by the comfort that he only just regained, the sense of normalcy that he wants so badly, like nothing else in the world. Regret not being real enough... not being real enough to consider, to make an impact. Though logic fights and says yes, there was consideration, and now, now he has an empty apartment. Something that won't change, that shouldn't change, because Yaha is where he belongs, for murder, for killing and helping someone who kills. For ( ... )
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I wanted to save you. I want to save you! I told you that. I told you I would help you but you ignored me! You lied to me and said you'd come back! I should have seen this coming, that you intended to do something like this. I should have stopped you!
I want to save you! [He's surprised at the volume of his own voice. He didn't hear himself speak, but only listens to the echos around the apartment. In a softer voice, he speaks again.] That's... that's what friends do. They help each other. And you wouldn't let me...
Reply
You can't fix what is broken, Kazuhiko. A jewel as broken as I am will only cut the jeweler who tries to smooth out the edges. [A soft sigh.] I did break my word ... would you like me to start to tear into my injuries? I could see if I could do so before they stop me from self injury. I feel it is the least I owe you.
[And is becoming more disjointed in his thoughts because he is feeling a little less stable without feeling his children, without feeling Urick. Feeling so removed from everything.]
Kazuhiko, I want you to visit Liquid from time to time... he will keep his promises to you and will be a lovely jewel for you to hold.
Reply
[Another sigh.]
Still, I'm happy ... I'm happy that you do not regret knowing me and that you wished to save me. No one has ever been so kind to me. This is how I know that you are real.
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