(no subject)
I feel like blogging, and since my stupid IT department has blocked Myspace and I have to log on thru a proxy site, I can’t blog on there. LiveJournal it is… I’m pretty sure I’m no one’s friend on here anymore, which is fine, because I simply feel like getting this out.
In thinking over the past week I have come to realize just how much my life has changed in the past year… and I can absolutely not remember ever being happier. I am 23 years old. To most, this is young, to me… this is young. I, however, do not feel 23 years old… one could chalk it up to the fact that I started acting like a hellion at the fragile age of 15 and didn’t stop until I was 22. I think of how a mere 2 years ago I was turning 21, drinking a whole bottle of tequila myself and passing out in my car on the way to Atlanta before the clock even hit midnight. And now… in a mere 7 approximate weeks, I will be some ones mother.
Wait… listen to that again (because even I’m still not used to hearing it)
I WILL BE SOME ONE’S MOTHER.
I have to birth her, feed her, cloth her, burp her, bathe her… I have to RAISE HER.
I… ME… MELISSA is responsible for another human being. I am responsible for teaching her the ways of the world and trying REALLY hard to NOT fuck her up.
My life, as different as it has already become, will change even more drastically. No more being selfish, no more get up and go. I’ll admit it… when I first found out I was TERRIFIED. Seriously, any one who has met me at all knows that for a majority of my day I ACT like a child… so how can I raise one. I will tell you this much, whether you’re ready or not… when it happens, there is no choice. My life, which was once a “fly by the seat of your pants” or “see where the wind takes you” type has now become one of schedules, plans, and appointments. As overwhelming as it has become at times, I absolutely can not wait.
I haven’t said “I do” yet, (I will soon enough) but I am “married” to the best person I’ve ever known, and the fact that I am carrying his child makes me love him that much more.
I can’t wait to see her face, I can’t wait to hold her, I can’t wait to simply see her. I never in life thought it possible to love some one so much that you have never met. To feel her inside of me every day is something you NEVER GET USED TO, but as much as it can freak you out, it’s the most amazing feeling.
I used to say I didn’t want kids… I was a liar. I’m so freaking excited I almost can’t contain myself.
Now… I just need to name her.