For the_andorran
Title: Anthony and Padma Talk (yeah, I rock the original titles)
Who: Anthony and Padma (ya rly). Plus some mentions of Parvati, and some non-mentions of Susan.
When: Mid-2002. Euterpe's Corner universe.
Disclaimer: Not mine. All JKR's. Including the money.
Written to try and nudge other muses into gear. I can't decide whether I like parts of it or hate all of it, but oh well. A dialog-only Ravenclaw piece, attempted for Thalia and written for Meg.
* * *
“Sometimes I think that there are only two reasons for Parvati’s existence. To provide everyone in Euterpe’s Corner with muffins and to humiliate me.”
“And to wear stilettos. Don’t forget the stilettos. Isn’t humiliation too strong a word for it though? You do have a rather nice six pack, if I may say so myself.”
“Only you could say things like that and not make it sound like a come-on, Padma. It’s a talent.”
“Well, not necessarily, Anthony. Not in every situation.”
“Alright, so Parvati has the muffins, the stilettos, and the humiliation of Anthony Goldstein. Which is three reasons. Which is three more than what most people have to justify their existence, but - I was naked, Padma! Naked!”
“Technically, you were half-naked.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it, thanks.”
“You will eventually though.”
“I know. You know me too well, Padma. Sometimes I wish your sister knew me a little less well.”
“Interesting.”
“Not interesting really. Just embarrassing.”
“Hmm.”
“Well, I think we know each other well enough so that if thought me in a towel was interesting, I’d be aware of it.”
“True. You in a towel?”
“Not my idea. I’d better tell you the whole story. This is beginning to sound worse than what it is. Not that it still isn’t humiliating, of course.”
“Embarrassing.”
“Humiliating. And I suppose you’re wondering what exactly Parvati had to do with me in a towel.”
“The thought did cross my mind, yes. I assume there was a good reason for it though.”
“Not that reason. Eww. Well, I mean - I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with - I’d probably be smiling more often if - I mean, I would have shagged a flatmate but at least I’d still have got - and I really don’t need to talk to you about what your sister might be like in bed. It’s really not necessary.”
“Not really, no. Unless it has something to do with why you were in a towel?”
“No! Merlin’s codpiece, Padma! What sort of bloke do you think I am? And stop looking at me like that, please.”
“I think you are a bloke who has been lonely ever since - for a long time. And Parvati is very friendly and pretty.”
“You say that like she doesn’t look exactly like you. Which is why I would never shag her.”
“Why, thank you.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know you didn’t. Do you discuss what Parvati might be like in bed with other people?”
“No! Parvati’s just a mate. And besides, I don’t know Thomas that well.”
“Dean? Oh, never mind. Perhaps you should just explain about you and the towel.”
“Yeah, that might be for the best. Well, Parvati had got photos of me in a towel from somewhere. How she got them, I don’t know. But then she got drunk on tequila one evening and posted them all over the journals. So now everyone in Euterpe’s has seen them, even Sus - even Sergei! It was awful! I swear I didn’t have anything to do with it!”
“Interesting.”
“Yes. And humiliating. And conducive to Anthony Goldstein never leaving his room again.”
“You will have to. You have work tomorrow. What I meant was interesting was that Parvati usually gets drunk on vodka.”
“I think you’re latching onto what Parvati got drunk on unnecessarily. It doesn’t really matter what she got drunk on, but that she got drunk, period. And last but not least, posted photos of me in a towel so that everyone in the bloody building knows what I look like in a towel.”
“You’re harsh on your physique. Is that such a bad thing?”
“I could do with pumping iron more.”
“You’re small-boned, Anthony. You would look ridiculous all overtly muscular like that Muggle who looks as though he got hit by a badly-cast Engorging charm. I am certain that Sus - that other witches would agree.”
“I suppose. Is small-boned a nice way of saying that I’m short?”
“Perhaps. But you are also slim, attractive, with clean teeth and nails-”
“Clean teeth and nails? I’m a man, not a horse.”
“-and as well as toned pectorals, you do have rather shapely legs.”
“Shapely legs? Is that it?”
“I would be more blunt, but it would embarrass you.”
“Not likely. I’ve just been seen by my landlord and two of my colleagues in a towel.”
“You do also have a rather shapely bottom.”
“Padma!”
“I daresay I’m not the only one who feels that way. Parvati likely agrees, which is why she put the photo on the journals.”
“Yeah, well, you Patil sisters are odd.”
“You might want to share that with Laura Madley. I heard her and Romilda Vane giggling about your physique - in a complimentary way, of course - in the stairwell this morning.”
“Romilda Vane? That’s it - I will kill Parvati.”
“I might have to object to that.”
“Why? At least with only one of you around, Poliakoff won’t blame you for blocking the sink when Parvati’s done it so that she can get a glimpse of how ‘fit’ he is anymore.”
“I also wouldn’t be able to borrow her shoes. I don’t expect you to understand the weight of that. Unless there is something about yourself that you are hiding very well, Anthony Goldstein. You were genuinely concerned about Sergei Poliakoff seeing you in a towel, weren’t you?”
“Oh, stop being a tease when I’m trying to sink into self-pity.”
“Stop trying to sink into self-pity and I won’t have to.”
“Well, fine then. It could have been worse. At least they weren’t describing anything below my waist as ‘cute’ or ‘small.’ I suppose I can permit you to try and cheer me up. I’m not saying that it will work, mind you. Only that you can try.”
“Where would the challenge be otherwise? I do like it when a man plays hard-to-get.”
“Ha ha ha.”
“That’s not quite up to your usual standard of retorts, but never mind. Would you like a hug, or would admitting you want physical contact in a non-sexual manner be compromising your masculinity too much?”
“My masculinity has already been compromised by your sister last night, so I suppose it doesn’t matter either way. Thank you, Padma.”
“It’s alright. You are nice to hug.”
“And you’re a nice friend, Padma.”
“I know. Now I suppose the next thing to do in such a situation is to offer you comfort food. Such as tea. And maybe a muffin.”
“Har-dee-har-har. You’re a real riot, Padma.”
“I try. At very inopportune times, admittedly. Would it help if I reminded you that Parvati did a stint of modelling for Witch Weekly a year or so back?”
“Why would that help me?”
“Well, one of those issues was Summer, 2000.”
“Again, I’m not really seeing where this is going.”
“Summer does mean swimsuits, Anthony. In southern parts of Britain at any rate.”
“Ah.”
“And needless to say, I am not mentioning this to encourage you to be seen in a towel by sister for other reasons.”
“Ah.”
“Would you like to borrow my old copies of the magazine?”
“Yes. Yes, I would like that very much. And Padma?”
“Yes Anthony?”
“You’re a very good friend.”
“Currently more so than a very good sister. Let’s go.”
Who: Anthony and Padma (ya rly). Plus some mentions of Parvati, and some non-mentions of Susan.
When: Mid-2002. Euterpe's Corner universe.
Disclaimer: Not mine. All JKR's. Including the money.
Written to try and nudge other muses into gear. I can't decide whether I like parts of it or hate all of it, but oh well. A dialog-only Ravenclaw piece, attempted for Thalia and written for Meg.
* * *
“Sometimes I think that there are only two reasons for Parvati’s existence. To provide everyone in Euterpe’s Corner with muffins and to humiliate me.”
“And to wear stilettos. Don’t forget the stilettos. Isn’t humiliation too strong a word for it though? You do have a rather nice six pack, if I may say so myself.”
“Only you could say things like that and not make it sound like a come-on, Padma. It’s a talent.”
“Well, not necessarily, Anthony. Not in every situation.”
“Alright, so Parvati has the muffins, the stilettos, and the humiliation of Anthony Goldstein. Which is three reasons. Which is three more than what most people have to justify their existence, but - I was naked, Padma! Naked!”
“Technically, you were half-naked.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it, thanks.”
“You will eventually though.”
“I know. You know me too well, Padma. Sometimes I wish your sister knew me a little less well.”
“Interesting.”
“Not interesting really. Just embarrassing.”
“Hmm.”
“Well, I think we know each other well enough so that if thought me in a towel was interesting, I’d be aware of it.”
“True. You in a towel?”
“Not my idea. I’d better tell you the whole story. This is beginning to sound worse than what it is. Not that it still isn’t humiliating, of course.”
“Embarrassing.”
“Humiliating. And I suppose you’re wondering what exactly Parvati had to do with me in a towel.”
“The thought did cross my mind, yes. I assume there was a good reason for it though.”
“Not that reason. Eww. Well, I mean - I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with - I’d probably be smiling more often if - I mean, I would have shagged a flatmate but at least I’d still have got - and I really don’t need to talk to you about what your sister might be like in bed. It’s really not necessary.”
“Not really, no. Unless it has something to do with why you were in a towel?”
“No! Merlin’s codpiece, Padma! What sort of bloke do you think I am? And stop looking at me like that, please.”
“I think you are a bloke who has been lonely ever since - for a long time. And Parvati is very friendly and pretty.”
“You say that like she doesn’t look exactly like you. Which is why I would never shag her.”
“Why, thank you.”
“I didn’t mean it that way.”
“I know you didn’t. Do you discuss what Parvati might be like in bed with other people?”
“No! Parvati’s just a mate. And besides, I don’t know Thomas that well.”
“Dean? Oh, never mind. Perhaps you should just explain about you and the towel.”
“Yeah, that might be for the best. Well, Parvati had got photos of me in a towel from somewhere. How she got them, I don’t know. But then she got drunk on tequila one evening and posted them all over the journals. So now everyone in Euterpe’s has seen them, even Sus - even Sergei! It was awful! I swear I didn’t have anything to do with it!”
“Interesting.”
“Yes. And humiliating. And conducive to Anthony Goldstein never leaving his room again.”
“You will have to. You have work tomorrow. What I meant was interesting was that Parvati usually gets drunk on vodka.”
“I think you’re latching onto what Parvati got drunk on unnecessarily. It doesn’t really matter what she got drunk on, but that she got drunk, period. And last but not least, posted photos of me in a towel so that everyone in the bloody building knows what I look like in a towel.”
“You’re harsh on your physique. Is that such a bad thing?”
“I could do with pumping iron more.”
“You’re small-boned, Anthony. You would look ridiculous all overtly muscular like that Muggle who looks as though he got hit by a badly-cast Engorging charm. I am certain that Sus - that other witches would agree.”
“I suppose. Is small-boned a nice way of saying that I’m short?”
“Perhaps. But you are also slim, attractive, with clean teeth and nails-”
“Clean teeth and nails? I’m a man, not a horse.”
“-and as well as toned pectorals, you do have rather shapely legs.”
“Shapely legs? Is that it?”
“I would be more blunt, but it would embarrass you.”
“Not likely. I’ve just been seen by my landlord and two of my colleagues in a towel.”
“You do also have a rather shapely bottom.”
“Padma!”
“I daresay I’m not the only one who feels that way. Parvati likely agrees, which is why she put the photo on the journals.”
“Yeah, well, you Patil sisters are odd.”
“You might want to share that with Laura Madley. I heard her and Romilda Vane giggling about your physique - in a complimentary way, of course - in the stairwell this morning.”
“Romilda Vane? That’s it - I will kill Parvati.”
“I might have to object to that.”
“Why? At least with only one of you around, Poliakoff won’t blame you for blocking the sink when Parvati’s done it so that she can get a glimpse of how ‘fit’ he is anymore.”
“I also wouldn’t be able to borrow her shoes. I don’t expect you to understand the weight of that. Unless there is something about yourself that you are hiding very well, Anthony Goldstein. You were genuinely concerned about Sergei Poliakoff seeing you in a towel, weren’t you?”
“Oh, stop being a tease when I’m trying to sink into self-pity.”
“Stop trying to sink into self-pity and I won’t have to.”
“Well, fine then. It could have been worse. At least they weren’t describing anything below my waist as ‘cute’ or ‘small.’ I suppose I can permit you to try and cheer me up. I’m not saying that it will work, mind you. Only that you can try.”
“Where would the challenge be otherwise? I do like it when a man plays hard-to-get.”
“Ha ha ha.”
“That’s not quite up to your usual standard of retorts, but never mind. Would you like a hug, or would admitting you want physical contact in a non-sexual manner be compromising your masculinity too much?”
“My masculinity has already been compromised by your sister last night, so I suppose it doesn’t matter either way. Thank you, Padma.”
“It’s alright. You are nice to hug.”
“And you’re a nice friend, Padma.”
“I know. Now I suppose the next thing to do in such a situation is to offer you comfort food. Such as tea. And maybe a muffin.”
“Har-dee-har-har. You’re a real riot, Padma.”
“I try. At very inopportune times, admittedly. Would it help if I reminded you that Parvati did a stint of modelling for Witch Weekly a year or so back?”
“Why would that help me?”
“Well, one of those issues was Summer, 2000.”
“Again, I’m not really seeing where this is going.”
“Summer does mean swimsuits, Anthony. In southern parts of Britain at any rate.”
“Ah.”
“And needless to say, I am not mentioning this to encourage you to be seen in a towel by sister for other reasons.”
“Ah.”
“Would you like to borrow my old copies of the magazine?”
“Yes. Yes, I would like that very much. And Padma?”
“Yes Anthony?”
“You’re a very good friend.”
“Currently more so than a very good sister. Let’s go.”