I ficced!
Title: Meet the Muggle In-Laws
Author: lucy_lupin
Dedicated to: Whoever
Set: The Golden Trio’s sixth year
Characters: Alicia Spinnet and Terence Higgs
Pairing: Terence/Alicia
Genre: Humour/Romance/Snark
Rating: PG-13 for off-page happenings
Word Count: 1,859
Disclaimer: JKR owns Terence and Alicia. I am just borrowing them for fun, not profit.
Summary: It’s Christmas and Terence Higgs is being dragged along to a party by the bidding of girlfriend Alicia Spinnet. And he’s less than happy about it. They’re Muggles, after all. Will he or won’t he manage to drum up the necessary Christmas cheer, or will Alicia have him in the doghouse for the next few weeks?
Author's Notes: Done for the fanfic100 Big Damn Table challenge. Prompt: Christmas.
* ~ * ~ *
“Why are we driving?”
“Because we can’t Apparate there.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re spending Christmas with Muggles, that’s why.”
“I understand that,” Terence Higgs said, running a hand over his short, prickly hair. “But why can’t we just Apparate to a nearby field and walk from there? They don’t have to see us arriving. Why do we have to arrive at all, actually?”
“Because my sister-in-law’s parents live in the middle of the countryside,” Alicia Spinnet said with practiced patience. “We can’t just show up without visible means of transport and say that we took the Tube or whatnot. And since I am going to give your last comment a dignity it doesn’t deserve and respond to it, we’re arriving because we have to. Everyone is dying to meet you. You can’t go out with someone for half a year and not show up to family events.”
“Apparently I can’t. And we could say that we walked.”
“It’s too far away. And besides, I couldn’t walk anywhere in these.” Alicia glanced down at her feet, which were clad in high heels.
“True.” Terence shrugged. “They do make your legs look fantastic though. We could say that I carried you.”
“You? Not likely.”
“See, this is what I hate about not being able to use my wand,” Terence griped. “Being strong and manly is somewhat superfluous if you can’t swish it properly. You could get taken out by a decent hex from the weediest of wizards. Again, why are we currently transporting ourselves to the arse of the world in this damned contraption?”
“I told you. My sister-in-law’s family are Muggles. And they don’t know that we aren’t.”
“They don’t?” Terence grinned impishly. “Excellent. This might be fun after all.”
“You can’t pull any of that nonsense,” Alicia warned. “For one thing, it’s against the wizarding statute of secrecy and you could get into all sorts of trouble. For another, it will get you into even bigger trouble with a certain someone. Namely, your girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend? Which one?” Terence quipped. “I wasn’t expecting a multiple choice response.” Alicia shot him a withering look and he held his hands up in a pacifying gesture. She turned her attention back to the road.
They continued in silence for a while, Terence chewing idly on a piece of gum and Alicia driving, her hands fixed meticulously in the ten and two o’clock position. But then, Alicia was meticulous when it came to most things. Terence preferred her when she was a little less meticulous, and it was because of the thought of her being less than meticulous on his king sized bed - or his kitchen table, he wasn’t picky - that he was actually going along with this venture. Christmas. With Muggles. He didn’t even want to think about what his former teammates would have to say to that. Bad enough that he was going out with a Gryffindor, but one whose brother had married a Muggle? By Salazar.
Silence would have been the best thing for Terence, but unfortunately he didn’t do well with them, even though a nagging part of his brain was telling him that it would be better to keep quiet. “So, how long do we have to stay at this shindig?” he asked.
“As long as Callum needs me to,” Alicia responded neutrally.
“I’m sure Callum is big and ugly enough to take care of a few Muggles.”
“Callum is indeed big and ugly. Yet another reason why you need to behave. That, and it’s Christmas.”
“Yes ma’am,” Terence shrugged. A thought occurred to him. “Muggles smell bad, don’t they?” Alicia glowered at him. “No, I mean, I’m not being nasty. But it’s just that they don’t have hygiene charms or anything like that.” Under her look, he became increasingly defensive. “I’m not being a Muggle hater or the like. They can’t perform magic, so they don’t have cleansing charms. It’s a reasonable assumption to make. It has nothing to do with prejudice.”
“They smell no worse that most wizards, and significantly better than the average Slytherin Beater,” Alicia retorted. “They have things called soap and deodorant to keep control of their body odour. Magic is merely a substitute we have for the things Muggles can do without. They’ve managed to find ways around not having it. If you’d taken Muggle Studies at school, you would have known that.”
Terence rose one eyebrow. “I don’t recall ever telling you that I didn’t take Muggle Studies.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a reasonable assumption to make,” Alicia shot back. Terence harrumphed and slouched against the car door. The wine from lunch and his previous late night with Warrington and Pucey was making him feel sleepy, so he held his wand against the car window, attempting to lower it to get some fresh air. Nothing happened. He swore. Alicia muttered something about how that sort of language had better stay inside the car, but took pity on him and pressed a button. The window shot down a couple of inches, making Terence jump. “Do I have to ask you again to behave yourself?”
“Depends on how many Its are there.”
“Callum and Jolene have one child, my nephew. As for the other - children is the word for them, Mister Maternal - I’m not sure how many my in-laws have, but whatever the number, hitting them with the Leg Locking Curse is not an appropriate means of dealing with them.”
“You only say that because you’ve never had any of them yourself. You’ll change your tune if you do. And it’s impossible for me to be Mister Maternal, sweetheart. I’m a bloke. I have to be paternal, and I’d rather not be. Particularly with Muggle spawn. So assuming that I’m perfectly behaved and charm the pants of all your icky Muggle in-laws, well, what do I get out of it?”
“Your Christmas cheer is astounding, Terence. And you had better not be charming the pants of any of my Muggle in-laws.”
“No ma’am,” Terence said blithely. “Your brother does that.”
Alicia’s eyes popped open and she swerved, then swore as she rightened the car. Terence smirked. Alicia loathed swearing, and he was happy to have this small victory over her. “I think that the way you’re heading, you should be considering what won’t happen if you don’t behave,” she said levelly.
Terence eyed warily. “You don’t mean that.”
“Oh yes I do,” Alicia responded in a honeyed, sing-song voice than still carried the steel of a threat. “If you don’t believe me then just keep on going as you are, Terence Howell Higgs.”
“You wouldn’t,” Terence said. “You’d miss it as well.” But he was beginning to get worried, and he could tell that it showed on his face.
“Any feelings of loss I may experience would be countered by the satisfaction I would get out of your misery.”
“I can’t perform a Leg Locking Curse,” Terence muttered bitterly. “You’re already done one - on yourself. Well, so much for it being the season of giving to the needy.”
“Go and visit one of your other girlfriends then.”
“I don’t have any other girlfriends,” Terence said quietly. “Only you.”
“Stop it,” Alicia said, but she was struggling against a smile.
Terence finally sensed an in. Shifting slightly in his seat so that his back was against the door, his knees facing Alicia, he said, “You’re a little covered up there, Miss Spinnet.”
“It is winter, Mister Higgs.”
Alicia had shown no reaction, but Terence was familiar enough with her nuances to know not to give up. That she had echoed his use of her surname showed that she was willing to go along with this - to an extent. He just had to stretch that extent, which he was becoming expert at doing. “I’m just saying that you don’t have to dress like one of the Founding Mothers,” he said. “You have a good figure. You look fine a little less covered up. More than fine, in fact. And a lot less covered up.”
“Terence, you are not going to see me a little, never mind a lot, less covered up by the end of this evening.”
“Bugger,” Terence shrugged, but really he was only feigning at his disappointment. He had an idea, and when Terence finally got off his comfortably inheritanced arse enough to get one, he made them happen. “I bet your feet are killing you though.”
“Yes, they are,” Alicia admitted. “But don’t bother going through the motions of offering to drive when we both know very well that you can’t.”
“Wasn’t about to. Although, how about if you pull over and I go through the motions of offering to give you a foot massage instead?”
Alicia slid him a sidelong look, considering. “Only a foot massage?” she challenged.
“Only a foot massage,” he confirmed reassuringly, but privately thought Like hell only a foot massage. Alicia was no doubt expecting him to jump her bones the instant she parked the car, but he was more subtle than that. He’d been her first, and while she was a fast learner and had certainly made up for lost time, there were still plenty of aces he had up his sleeve in that department. Like what a cracking bloody erogenous zone the foot could be.
She was still looking at him. “And what on earth would make me believe that you would offer something for nothing?”
He smiled and opened his hands in a permissive gesture. “It’s Christmas, after all.”
Terence’s smaller and more straight-laced half eventually pulled into a little clearing off the side of the road, underneath a willow tree. She bent down to undo the buckles on her shoes, then turned and lowered her stocking feet into his lap. Her dress had slid up past one knee, and he gave that a quick grope, then shot her a look of wide-eyed innocence when she began to protest and started on her feet. He rubbed his thumb along her arches, gently manipulating her toes back, trying not to beam like a Kneazle that had got the cream. He would be true to his word, and he wouldn’t touch her beyond her ankles, but she would be begging for it when he was done.
Alicia’s arms gradually slipped out their tightly crossed stance underneath her bustline and fell to her sides. Her head slid back. When she groped around the side of her seat until it tilted back and said, “You win - this time,” he decided to do so graciously.
Jolene Spinnet’s - nee Edwards - family did finally get to meet the dashing young man that they had heard so much about, his apologies and charm more than making up for their being almost half an hour late. And if Callum Spinnet rose his eyebrow at the boyfriend’s story of the car breaking down and then scowled at his explanation of the two of them being so flushed from having to push it up a hill and the way his little sister reddened and squirmed in her seat whenever he did so, no one else did. It was Christmas, after all.
The End
Author: lucy_lupin
Dedicated to: Whoever
Set: The Golden Trio’s sixth year
Characters: Alicia Spinnet and Terence Higgs
Pairing: Terence/Alicia
Genre: Humour/Romance/Snark
Rating: PG-13 for off-page happenings
Word Count: 1,859
Disclaimer: JKR owns Terence and Alicia. I am just borrowing them for fun, not profit.
Summary: It’s Christmas and Terence Higgs is being dragged along to a party by the bidding of girlfriend Alicia Spinnet. And he’s less than happy about it. They’re Muggles, after all. Will he or won’t he manage to drum up the necessary Christmas cheer, or will Alicia have him in the doghouse for the next few weeks?
Author's Notes: Done for the fanfic100 Big Damn Table challenge. Prompt: Christmas.
* ~ * ~ *
“Why are we driving?”
“Because we can’t Apparate there.”
“Why?”
“Because we’re spending Christmas with Muggles, that’s why.”
“I understand that,” Terence Higgs said, running a hand over his short, prickly hair. “But why can’t we just Apparate to a nearby field and walk from there? They don’t have to see us arriving. Why do we have to arrive at all, actually?”
“Because my sister-in-law’s parents live in the middle of the countryside,” Alicia Spinnet said with practiced patience. “We can’t just show up without visible means of transport and say that we took the Tube or whatnot. And since I am going to give your last comment a dignity it doesn’t deserve and respond to it, we’re arriving because we have to. Everyone is dying to meet you. You can’t go out with someone for half a year and not show up to family events.”
“Apparently I can’t. And we could say that we walked.”
“It’s too far away. And besides, I couldn’t walk anywhere in these.” Alicia glanced down at her feet, which were clad in high heels.
“True.” Terence shrugged. “They do make your legs look fantastic though. We could say that I carried you.”
“You? Not likely.”
“See, this is what I hate about not being able to use my wand,” Terence griped. “Being strong and manly is somewhat superfluous if you can’t swish it properly. You could get taken out by a decent hex from the weediest of wizards. Again, why are we currently transporting ourselves to the arse of the world in this damned contraption?”
“I told you. My sister-in-law’s family are Muggles. And they don’t know that we aren’t.”
“They don’t?” Terence grinned impishly. “Excellent. This might be fun after all.”
“You can’t pull any of that nonsense,” Alicia warned. “For one thing, it’s against the wizarding statute of secrecy and you could get into all sorts of trouble. For another, it will get you into even bigger trouble with a certain someone. Namely, your girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend? Which one?” Terence quipped. “I wasn’t expecting a multiple choice response.” Alicia shot him a withering look and he held his hands up in a pacifying gesture. She turned her attention back to the road.
They continued in silence for a while, Terence chewing idly on a piece of gum and Alicia driving, her hands fixed meticulously in the ten and two o’clock position. But then, Alicia was meticulous when it came to most things. Terence preferred her when she was a little less meticulous, and it was because of the thought of her being less than meticulous on his king sized bed - or his kitchen table, he wasn’t picky - that he was actually going along with this venture. Christmas. With Muggles. He didn’t even want to think about what his former teammates would have to say to that. Bad enough that he was going out with a Gryffindor, but one whose brother had married a Muggle? By Salazar.
Silence would have been the best thing for Terence, but unfortunately he didn’t do well with them, even though a nagging part of his brain was telling him that it would be better to keep quiet. “So, how long do we have to stay at this shindig?” he asked.
“As long as Callum needs me to,” Alicia responded neutrally.
“I’m sure Callum is big and ugly enough to take care of a few Muggles.”
“Callum is indeed big and ugly. Yet another reason why you need to behave. That, and it’s Christmas.”
“Yes ma’am,” Terence shrugged. A thought occurred to him. “Muggles smell bad, don’t they?” Alicia glowered at him. “No, I mean, I’m not being nasty. But it’s just that they don’t have hygiene charms or anything like that.” Under her look, he became increasingly defensive. “I’m not being a Muggle hater or the like. They can’t perform magic, so they don’t have cleansing charms. It’s a reasonable assumption to make. It has nothing to do with prejudice.”
“They smell no worse that most wizards, and significantly better than the average Slytherin Beater,” Alicia retorted. “They have things called soap and deodorant to keep control of their body odour. Magic is merely a substitute we have for the things Muggles can do without. They’ve managed to find ways around not having it. If you’d taken Muggle Studies at school, you would have known that.”
Terence rose one eyebrow. “I don’t recall ever telling you that I didn’t take Muggle Studies.”
“Yeah, well, it’s a reasonable assumption to make,” Alicia shot back. Terence harrumphed and slouched against the car door. The wine from lunch and his previous late night with Warrington and Pucey was making him feel sleepy, so he held his wand against the car window, attempting to lower it to get some fresh air. Nothing happened. He swore. Alicia muttered something about how that sort of language had better stay inside the car, but took pity on him and pressed a button. The window shot down a couple of inches, making Terence jump. “Do I have to ask you again to behave yourself?”
“Depends on how many Its are there.”
“Callum and Jolene have one child, my nephew. As for the other - children is the word for them, Mister Maternal - I’m not sure how many my in-laws have, but whatever the number, hitting them with the Leg Locking Curse is not an appropriate means of dealing with them.”
“You only say that because you’ve never had any of them yourself. You’ll change your tune if you do. And it’s impossible for me to be Mister Maternal, sweetheart. I’m a bloke. I have to be paternal, and I’d rather not be. Particularly with Muggle spawn. So assuming that I’m perfectly behaved and charm the pants of all your icky Muggle in-laws, well, what do I get out of it?”
“Your Christmas cheer is astounding, Terence. And you had better not be charming the pants of any of my Muggle in-laws.”
“No ma’am,” Terence said blithely. “Your brother does that.”
Alicia’s eyes popped open and she swerved, then swore as she rightened the car. Terence smirked. Alicia loathed swearing, and he was happy to have this small victory over her. “I think that the way you’re heading, you should be considering what won’t happen if you don’t behave,” she said levelly.
Terence eyed warily. “You don’t mean that.”
“Oh yes I do,” Alicia responded in a honeyed, sing-song voice than still carried the steel of a threat. “If you don’t believe me then just keep on going as you are, Terence Howell Higgs.”
“You wouldn’t,” Terence said. “You’d miss it as well.” But he was beginning to get worried, and he could tell that it showed on his face.
“Any feelings of loss I may experience would be countered by the satisfaction I would get out of your misery.”
“I can’t perform a Leg Locking Curse,” Terence muttered bitterly. “You’re already done one - on yourself. Well, so much for it being the season of giving to the needy.”
“Go and visit one of your other girlfriends then.”
“I don’t have any other girlfriends,” Terence said quietly. “Only you.”
“Stop it,” Alicia said, but she was struggling against a smile.
Terence finally sensed an in. Shifting slightly in his seat so that his back was against the door, his knees facing Alicia, he said, “You’re a little covered up there, Miss Spinnet.”
“It is winter, Mister Higgs.”
Alicia had shown no reaction, but Terence was familiar enough with her nuances to know not to give up. That she had echoed his use of her surname showed that she was willing to go along with this - to an extent. He just had to stretch that extent, which he was becoming expert at doing. “I’m just saying that you don’t have to dress like one of the Founding Mothers,” he said. “You have a good figure. You look fine a little less covered up. More than fine, in fact. And a lot less covered up.”
“Terence, you are not going to see me a little, never mind a lot, less covered up by the end of this evening.”
“Bugger,” Terence shrugged, but really he was only feigning at his disappointment. He had an idea, and when Terence finally got off his comfortably inheritanced arse enough to get one, he made them happen. “I bet your feet are killing you though.”
“Yes, they are,” Alicia admitted. “But don’t bother going through the motions of offering to drive when we both know very well that you can’t.”
“Wasn’t about to. Although, how about if you pull over and I go through the motions of offering to give you a foot massage instead?”
Alicia slid him a sidelong look, considering. “Only a foot massage?” she challenged.
“Only a foot massage,” he confirmed reassuringly, but privately thought Like hell only a foot massage. Alicia was no doubt expecting him to jump her bones the instant she parked the car, but he was more subtle than that. He’d been her first, and while she was a fast learner and had certainly made up for lost time, there were still plenty of aces he had up his sleeve in that department. Like what a cracking bloody erogenous zone the foot could be.
She was still looking at him. “And what on earth would make me believe that you would offer something for nothing?”
He smiled and opened his hands in a permissive gesture. “It’s Christmas, after all.”
Terence’s smaller and more straight-laced half eventually pulled into a little clearing off the side of the road, underneath a willow tree. She bent down to undo the buckles on her shoes, then turned and lowered her stocking feet into his lap. Her dress had slid up past one knee, and he gave that a quick grope, then shot her a look of wide-eyed innocence when she began to protest and started on her feet. He rubbed his thumb along her arches, gently manipulating her toes back, trying not to beam like a Kneazle that had got the cream. He would be true to his word, and he wouldn’t touch her beyond her ankles, but she would be begging for it when he was done.
Alicia’s arms gradually slipped out their tightly crossed stance underneath her bustline and fell to her sides. Her head slid back. When she groped around the side of her seat until it tilted back and said, “You win - this time,” he decided to do so graciously.
Jolene Spinnet’s - nee Edwards - family did finally get to meet the dashing young man that they had heard so much about, his apologies and charm more than making up for their being almost half an hour late. And if Callum Spinnet rose his eyebrow at the boyfriend’s story of the car breaking down and then scowled at his explanation of the two of them being so flushed from having to push it up a hill and the way his little sister reddened and squirmed in her seat whenever he did so, no one else did. It was Christmas, after all.
The End