(no subject)
It's supposed to snow tonight/this morning. One to Two inches.
It's not going to.
Another let down like the things I promised myself.
Seattle is my perfect city; it matches me so well.
Half-assed and lazy, self-serving as fuck, and always holding back.
I skip so many classes, and I justify it all away by thinking: but I work four to five days a week! Of course I'm tired and need rest. There's not a single day I'm SUPPOSED to have off to sleep in and enjoy myself. So I skip class before my eight hour shift so I can sleep an extra hour and a half. I come home, get stoned, and put off any type of homework. I'm too tired to do it.
I keep telling myself I'm trying. I really think I am. None of this school stuff is motivating me right now. None of it's music. I want to write music. Next quarter for that class. I may not get to go next semester-- same problem, different point in time, escalated.
I'm close to accepting dropping out. I can survive just fine in a world with a basic job that requires nothing of me. I can still write music and hope to be successful that way...but...other doors are closed. I can't.
I really can't.
I want this school thing so much. I don't know how to balance it. I need more motivation. Not chemistry and sociology and philosophy. I'm done with it.
(Kat...my chem lab professor admitted to all of chemistry being magic. She said Mr. Rossman just isn't full of enough wonder.)
So it's raining.
All of this happens and it's raining in freezing weather.
If it snowed a couple of inches, school would close.
It's not going to.
Another let down like the things I promised myself.
Seattle is my perfect city; it matches me so well.
Half-assed and lazy, self-serving as fuck, and always holding back.
I skip so many classes, and I justify it all away by thinking: but I work four to five days a week! Of course I'm tired and need rest. There's not a single day I'm SUPPOSED to have off to sleep in and enjoy myself. So I skip class before my eight hour shift so I can sleep an extra hour and a half. I come home, get stoned, and put off any type of homework. I'm too tired to do it.
I keep telling myself I'm trying. I really think I am. None of this school stuff is motivating me right now. None of it's music. I want to write music. Next quarter for that class. I may not get to go next semester-- same problem, different point in time, escalated.
I'm close to accepting dropping out. I can survive just fine in a world with a basic job that requires nothing of me. I can still write music and hope to be successful that way...but...other doors are closed. I can't.
I really can't.
I want this school thing so much. I don't know how to balance it. I need more motivation. Not chemistry and sociology and philosophy. I'm done with it.
(Kat...my chem lab professor admitted to all of chemistry being magic. She said Mr. Rossman just isn't full of enough wonder.)
So it's raining.
All of this happens and it's raining in freezing weather.
If it snowed a couple of inches, school would close.