Pinch Me Please
So I've been sick as those close to me know. I had a cold and then I had what I thought was a stomach ache from taking my meds on an empty stomach. This carried on for about 2 days. Finally, I went to the hospital tonight. I kept joking with my mother telling her that it was nothing but a fart in the cross-ways ;) They did some blood work and urine samples (gross, I know) The doctor was going to give me some Zantac to treat me for what he said I had, which was acid-reflux (Ashlee Simpson anyone?) My mother said that I should do the blood work and see what it says. Enter Liver Disease.
When I watch ER and these people have really serious problems, my heart breaks and that's just a tv show. So when he came in to tell me I have some kind of liver disease, my hear broke for that poor girl sitting there in the freeing room with the hospital gown and her jeans on. It wasn't until I was home that I realized that girl was me.
I am now feeling an emotion that is relitively new to me. Fear. I've felt it before, but never like this. Not this bad. Something is really wrong with me and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm used to taking care of sick people in my family. I'm used to waiting with them for the bad news/good news. I have no freaking clue what I am supposed to do. Around my family I try to smile because I hate them feeling sad about things. When my sister is afraid of thunderstorms, I am the strong one even though she's older and I'm terrified of them. I'd never let her know because being the strong one, that's all I've ever known.
I have this paper sitting here beside me that says stuff to watch out for.. stuff to do ... stuff not to do. And I don't even comprihend that it is mine yet.
This isn't supposed to happen to me. I preach about not drinking and being a good person and what the heck happened? Why do bad things happen to good people. When I said I wanted to stop going to school, I didn't mean this.
God, I've never been so scared in my life,
Kayla
When I watch ER and these people have really serious problems, my heart breaks and that's just a tv show. So when he came in to tell me I have some kind of liver disease, my hear broke for that poor girl sitting there in the freeing room with the hospital gown and her jeans on. It wasn't until I was home that I realized that girl was me.
I am now feeling an emotion that is relitively new to me. Fear. I've felt it before, but never like this. Not this bad. Something is really wrong with me and I don't know how to deal with this. I'm used to taking care of sick people in my family. I'm used to waiting with them for the bad news/good news. I have no freaking clue what I am supposed to do. Around my family I try to smile because I hate them feeling sad about things. When my sister is afraid of thunderstorms, I am the strong one even though she's older and I'm terrified of them. I'd never let her know because being the strong one, that's all I've ever known.
I have this paper sitting here beside me that says stuff to watch out for.. stuff to do ... stuff not to do. And I don't even comprihend that it is mine yet.
This isn't supposed to happen to me. I preach about not drinking and being a good person and what the heck happened? Why do bad things happen to good people. When I said I wanted to stop going to school, I didn't mean this.
God, I've never been so scared in my life,
Kayla