Migraines Ease... Fatigue Flares Dig In
I. Am. So. Sick. And. Tired. Of. Being. Sick. And. Tired.
Fuck.
Seriously, some days I'm thrilled if I can just SIT UP for more than a couple of hours. Other days it seems like things are more "normal" (for me) and I can do the minimum, but exhaustion is just so entrenched right now that I pay for those days with yet more fatigue...
Fun post, eh? Yeah-- just imagine being trapped in this poor excuse for a body.
I'm too tired to even daydream much. I think about death a lot, if only because my body acts like it's just giving up. If I wasn't on antidepressants, I don't think I could do this for much longer. I mean, I'm used to shit being hard, but it's been a lot worse since Covid. I knew that motherfucker of a retrovirus was going to fuck me up. And it did. Quietly, stealthily removing what little life and energy and WILL I have left. I'm stubborn, and I've adapted to having a chronic illness-- but between the migraines and the fatigue (and fog!) flares, I'm beginning to think I'm checking off ALL the boxes for Disabled these days!
I would prefer to write about other things. I prefer to think about other things. I play video games and stream shows a LOT. Then Cat makes some bright remark like "it must be nice!" to rest so much. And it's like, um, NO-- I'm not getting rest! No matter what I do, I'm still so tired it actually sort of hurts quite aside from the chronic pain (which is -happily- pretty well managed these days).
My conditioning is for shit. On better days I try to just walk and move around a little, but-- again, the next 2 or 3 days afterwards the flare is so much worse. I'm used to going down and getting back up, but it's a lot harder these last couple of years.
At least the migraines are letting go on their own. That means the extreme fatigue should release it's lethal grip on me as well within a few weeks. I will hang on as best I can until then, but man! This sucks so hard.
Fuck.
Seriously, some days I'm thrilled if I can just SIT UP for more than a couple of hours. Other days it seems like things are more "normal" (for me) and I can do the minimum, but exhaustion is just so entrenched right now that I pay for those days with yet more fatigue...
Fun post, eh? Yeah-- just imagine being trapped in this poor excuse for a body.
I'm too tired to even daydream much. I think about death a lot, if only because my body acts like it's just giving up. If I wasn't on antidepressants, I don't think I could do this for much longer. I mean, I'm used to shit being hard, but it's been a lot worse since Covid. I knew that motherfucker of a retrovirus was going to fuck me up. And it did. Quietly, stealthily removing what little life and energy and WILL I have left. I'm stubborn, and I've adapted to having a chronic illness-- but between the migraines and the fatigue (and fog!) flares, I'm beginning to think I'm checking off ALL the boxes for Disabled these days!
I would prefer to write about other things. I prefer to think about other things. I play video games and stream shows a LOT. Then Cat makes some bright remark like "it must be nice!" to rest so much. And it's like, um, NO-- I'm not getting rest! No matter what I do, I'm still so tired it actually sort of hurts quite aside from the chronic pain (which is -happily- pretty well managed these days).
My conditioning is for shit. On better days I try to just walk and move around a little, but-- again, the next 2 or 3 days afterwards the flare is so much worse. I'm used to going down and getting back up, but it's a lot harder these last couple of years.
At least the migraines are letting go on their own. That means the extreme fatigue should release it's lethal grip on me as well within a few weeks. I will hang on as best I can until then, but man! This sucks so hard.