Things Moving Quickly Now with Dora & Mumsie
I'm rather stunned. I had to call my aunt to see what was up, and my uncle Ron is back home from the hospital, but my mother is still there. She's supposed to be released soon to go to a rehabilitation place for a few days before returning to her home.
Dora told me she finally has my mother admitting that she needs care. However, Mumsie Monster has been advocating for my sister, who is 54 now, to move to a retirement all-adult community apartment near her if she goes into assisted living! And-- um, NO. Erica doesn't like the whole "community of strangers" thing they do in such places and who would be her roomie if she can't live alone? She can't live with Mumsie! Mumsie even talks about making my sister her caregiver, which is very unfair to my sibling, who can just barely take care of herself with help!
So... that's not what needs to happen. Erica needs to get free of my mother, no question. My sister's money, her residence, her lifestyle-- all need to be her own, separate from the hoarder who treats my sister like a hostage or a pet, depending upon the day.
But--! Dora did the impossible, as far as getting Mumsie to admit she needs extended care living-- so we're moving into the right direction! I'm seriously impressed!
Erica also told Dora that she wants to live with me and then get her own place, not live with Mumsie anymore. I can imagine my mother telling people that I tricked her into that or something, but honestly--? It's a pain in the ass dealing with my sister, and so if she really wanted to live with my mother and be her caregiver or anything, that would be vastly easier for me! I am not doing this for me, although I will feel better if my sister is near-by and I know she's okay. Still, it's a lot of work to get that all set up and then deal with her nervous mannerisms and autistic issues for the rest of our lives. Yet I'm willing to do that if that's what my sister wants. She deserves to have a choice, and I'll abide by that. But make no mistake, I gain nothing but a lighter conscience from this! I take on a great deal of bullshit and fighting with my mother and bureaucratic red tape for all the disability services my sister needs and it's neither fun nor easy. My selfish side would rather walk away.
However, I'm thinking that my aunt is starting to realize that having me on her side to get Mumsie into assisted living would make her job easier, and so we're talking a bit more and working things through. She's overwhelmed. Her husband is dying by inches, her sister keeps falling and injuring herself, and her niece needs to have a place to go and a plan for the future.
My mother maneuvered to get me ousted from the family for a reason... I'm the one person who won't back down from her. She could no longer manipulate me, so she got rid of me-- for nearly 20 years. Now Dora needs help, and I'm stepping up, and Dora seems both surprised and relieved. And I feel the same way about my aunt. I'll help her with my mother if it means I can free my sister from Mumsie bondage and set her up for a comfortable, though modest, life. If Mumsie can't turn Dora and I against one another, she can't win.
Dora told me she finally has my mother admitting that she needs care. However, Mumsie Monster has been advocating for my sister, who is 54 now, to move to a retirement all-adult community apartment near her if she goes into assisted living! And-- um, NO. Erica doesn't like the whole "community of strangers" thing they do in such places and who would be her roomie if she can't live alone? She can't live with Mumsie! Mumsie even talks about making my sister her caregiver, which is very unfair to my sibling, who can just barely take care of herself with help!
So... that's not what needs to happen. Erica needs to get free of my mother, no question. My sister's money, her residence, her lifestyle-- all need to be her own, separate from the hoarder who treats my sister like a hostage or a pet, depending upon the day.
But--! Dora did the impossible, as far as getting Mumsie to admit she needs extended care living-- so we're moving into the right direction! I'm seriously impressed!
Erica also told Dora that she wants to live with me and then get her own place, not live with Mumsie anymore. I can imagine my mother telling people that I tricked her into that or something, but honestly--? It's a pain in the ass dealing with my sister, and so if she really wanted to live with my mother and be her caregiver or anything, that would be vastly easier for me! I am not doing this for me, although I will feel better if my sister is near-by and I know she's okay. Still, it's a lot of work to get that all set up and then deal with her nervous mannerisms and autistic issues for the rest of our lives. Yet I'm willing to do that if that's what my sister wants. She deserves to have a choice, and I'll abide by that. But make no mistake, I gain nothing but a lighter conscience from this! I take on a great deal of bullshit and fighting with my mother and bureaucratic red tape for all the disability services my sister needs and it's neither fun nor easy. My selfish side would rather walk away.
However, I'm thinking that my aunt is starting to realize that having me on her side to get Mumsie into assisted living would make her job easier, and so we're talking a bit more and working things through. She's overwhelmed. Her husband is dying by inches, her sister keeps falling and injuring herself, and her niece needs to have a place to go and a plan for the future.
My mother maneuvered to get me ousted from the family for a reason... I'm the one person who won't back down from her. She could no longer manipulate me, so she got rid of me-- for nearly 20 years. Now Dora needs help, and I'm stepping up, and Dora seems both surprised and relieved. And I feel the same way about my aunt. I'll help her with my mother if it means I can free my sister from Mumsie bondage and set her up for a comfortable, though modest, life. If Mumsie can't turn Dora and I against one another, she can't win.