The 5 Love Languages-- Where Am I?
Everyone talks about it these days... the 5 "love languages" and what they are and what their partner is...
I haven't really considered it, so why not today?
1. Words of Affirmation:
Words build these people up. They thrive on spoken affection, praise, and encouragement.
In contrast, criticism and harsh words bother Love Language #1 people for a very long time.
You would think as a writer that words would be in my top 2 LLs, but alas-- no. I love kind words, sure-- but I grew up in a household with a con man who used those types of words on his marks to manipulate them, so I learned words were cheap and meant nothing. Also--? Because I was the scapegoat who was psychologically terrorized with words, I had to learn to discount them and live without kind ones to survive.
End result: I don't need words of affirmation. They're nice, but not a necessity.
2. Acts of Service:
Anything a loved one does for these people to ease the workload is super-appreciated.
However, broken promises or laziness can make LL2 people feel unimportant and unloved.
This was my ex's big one-- and as someone who CAN'T, I did appreciate his efforts, but I see these things as just routine consideration, not a proof of love. To me, this is the LEAST people can do one another who live together, but I don't fall apart if I don't get help. I'm used to being neglected. Plus, Gerick never met a promise he wouldn't break, and that didn't end our relationship for 24 years!
Ergo: I don't need acts of service, though I enjoy them when I get them.
3. Giving/Receiving Gifts:
Thoughtful gifts show how special an LL3 person is. This includes remembering anniversary dates and holidays.
Whereas generic gifts, gag gifts, or forgotten special events can absolutely ruin it for people who love in this manner.
Again, I love gifts! Who doesn't? And I love giving them- although I've rarely had many resources to indulge in giving. But things in and of themselves don't much turn me on. I like experiences, and things that ignite my imagination, not so much a vacuum with a bow stuck on it.
So-- another meh from me. I like gifts, but it's not where my romantic juices get flowing.
4. Quality Time:
Undivided attention really enjoying one another's company means the most to LL4s.
Not being listened to or a failure to eke out plenty of one-on-one time doesn't work here.
Ah--! Now THIS is definitely one of my love languages! Sharing intense emotional processing time, taking hikes together, watching a movie and discussing it afterwards, even silently just hanging out in deep comfort and contentment is a big deal for me. Knowing I'm safe and wanted means everything to me. I like to be SEEN and LISTENED TO.
THIS ONE!
5. Physical Touch:
Holding hands, kisses, cuddling are all paramount to LL5s to show warmth and safety.
Physical neglect, on the other hand, withers any love relationship for an LL5 person.
This is another one that touches me (so to speak) but that I've rarely had enough of... My ex was too manic and restless to just touch and cuddle, and most of the time when he started touching me it meant he wanted sex. Which was fine, but I wanted non-sex touching too! This one is also hard for me because of my chronic pain. It's hard to touch when it hurts! But some types of massaging really help me a LOT and I just melt when I get loving touches that way.
So-- THIS ONE TOO!
Okay-- for the record, there you go!
I haven't really considered it, so why not today?
1. Words of Affirmation:
Words build these people up. They thrive on spoken affection, praise, and encouragement.
In contrast, criticism and harsh words bother Love Language #1 people for a very long time.
You would think as a writer that words would be in my top 2 LLs, but alas-- no. I love kind words, sure-- but I grew up in a household with a con man who used those types of words on his marks to manipulate them, so I learned words were cheap and meant nothing. Also--? Because I was the scapegoat who was psychologically terrorized with words, I had to learn to discount them and live without kind ones to survive.
End result: I don't need words of affirmation. They're nice, but not a necessity.
2. Acts of Service:
Anything a loved one does for these people to ease the workload is super-appreciated.
However, broken promises or laziness can make LL2 people feel unimportant and unloved.
This was my ex's big one-- and as someone who CAN'T, I did appreciate his efforts, but I see these things as just routine consideration, not a proof of love. To me, this is the LEAST people can do one another who live together, but I don't fall apart if I don't get help. I'm used to being neglected. Plus, Gerick never met a promise he wouldn't break, and that didn't end our relationship for 24 years!
Ergo: I don't need acts of service, though I enjoy them when I get them.
3. Giving/Receiving Gifts:
Thoughtful gifts show how special an LL3 person is. This includes remembering anniversary dates and holidays.
Whereas generic gifts, gag gifts, or forgotten special events can absolutely ruin it for people who love in this manner.
Again, I love gifts! Who doesn't? And I love giving them- although I've rarely had many resources to indulge in giving. But things in and of themselves don't much turn me on. I like experiences, and things that ignite my imagination, not so much a vacuum with a bow stuck on it.
So-- another meh from me. I like gifts, but it's not where my romantic juices get flowing.
4. Quality Time:
Undivided attention really enjoying one another's company means the most to LL4s.
Not being listened to or a failure to eke out plenty of one-on-one time doesn't work here.
Ah--! Now THIS is definitely one of my love languages! Sharing intense emotional processing time, taking hikes together, watching a movie and discussing it afterwards, even silently just hanging out in deep comfort and contentment is a big deal for me. Knowing I'm safe and wanted means everything to me. I like to be SEEN and LISTENED TO.
THIS ONE!
5. Physical Touch:
Holding hands, kisses, cuddling are all paramount to LL5s to show warmth and safety.
Physical neglect, on the other hand, withers any love relationship for an LL5 person.
This is another one that touches me (so to speak) but that I've rarely had enough of... My ex was too manic and restless to just touch and cuddle, and most of the time when he started touching me it meant he wanted sex. Which was fine, but I wanted non-sex touching too! This one is also hard for me because of my chronic pain. It's hard to touch when it hurts! But some types of massaging really help me a LOT and I just melt when I get loving touches that way.
So-- THIS ONE TOO!
Okay-- for the record, there you go!