Cat & I Speak Gentle Truths
Adjusting to living with roomies has been going pretty well. I came with a load of baggage, Lady knows, so the patience and compassion of my longtime friend Cat and her mother has been greatly appreciated! I don't know what I would have done had I not found this safe harbor.
Now that we're more settled in together, we're starting to be more honest about those little things that can annoy one another-- dumb things that are just a matter of choice and personal comfort. We're all finding ways to compromise, and things are working out well so far. We're also finding new routines to incorporate one another into our lives.
One routine that is developing is that I always go greet Sharn when she gets home from work and we spend 5 to 15 minutes just touching base and talking about our days. I know 6s like routines and to feel a part of a group, so my making sure I communicate even about small things so we both feel more welcome at Ghost Lake house is important.
Another is that Cat is super fucking busy, but either she or I try to find time once a day, often in the evening, to just sit down for 10 to 30 minutes to just unload. We're 4s, we emote (read: whine) to feel better. We've also been taking turns reassuring each other that we'll figure it out, that we'll be okay, that we have one another's back. Even when things seem overwhelming or crazy, having that time to relate and communicate make a difference. Cat has finally started to open up again now that I can 'take it' (as my crisis period made me rather selfish I must admit.)
Sometimes we have less-than-positive things to say, because no one is perfect, and life often sucks. The good news is, however, that we're learning how to express our issues honestly yet walk away feeling mutually better. Its not an easy communications skill. I learned it with Robin first. She and I have always been scrupulously honest and yet gentle with one another. No one seems to be actively teaching this these days, but we learned using mutual empathy over many years. There is nothing I couldn't speak to her about.
This is all important to me as it helps me feel like I'm not going to have to endure yet another ugly break-up, with ridiculous drama leading up to it! I just can't take that now. I don't know that I'll be able to withstand bullshit like that ever again, quite frankly. I'm so DONE with dark hints, and innuendos, and scheming! Gerick used that sort of back-door drama routinely and it always both frustrated and puzzled me. Why did he have to make things so much of an ordeal when they didn't have to be? It was like he was addicted to the state of over-arousal, and my physical and emotional systems just couldn't handle it. Then that weakness got used against me time and again by multiple parties at multiple times, and it was just such a fucking waste of time and energy-- not to mention the destruction of several relationships!
I just want peace and security right now. Excitement has be experienced in very limited amounts for a while longer, I'm sure.
Now that we're more settled in together, we're starting to be more honest about those little things that can annoy one another-- dumb things that are just a matter of choice and personal comfort. We're all finding ways to compromise, and things are working out well so far. We're also finding new routines to incorporate one another into our lives.
One routine that is developing is that I always go greet Sharn when she gets home from work and we spend 5 to 15 minutes just touching base and talking about our days. I know 6s like routines and to feel a part of a group, so my making sure I communicate even about small things so we both feel more welcome at Ghost Lake house is important.
Another is that Cat is super fucking busy, but either she or I try to find time once a day, often in the evening, to just sit down for 10 to 30 minutes to just unload. We're 4s, we emote (read: whine) to feel better. We've also been taking turns reassuring each other that we'll figure it out, that we'll be okay, that we have one another's back. Even when things seem overwhelming or crazy, having that time to relate and communicate make a difference. Cat has finally started to open up again now that I can 'take it' (as my crisis period made me rather selfish I must admit.)
Sometimes we have less-than-positive things to say, because no one is perfect, and life often sucks. The good news is, however, that we're learning how to express our issues honestly yet walk away feeling mutually better. Its not an easy communications skill. I learned it with Robin first. She and I have always been scrupulously honest and yet gentle with one another. No one seems to be actively teaching this these days, but we learned using mutual empathy over many years. There is nothing I couldn't speak to her about.
This is all important to me as it helps me feel like I'm not going to have to endure yet another ugly break-up, with ridiculous drama leading up to it! I just can't take that now. I don't know that I'll be able to withstand bullshit like that ever again, quite frankly. I'm so DONE with dark hints, and innuendos, and scheming! Gerick used that sort of back-door drama routinely and it always both frustrated and puzzled me. Why did he have to make things so much of an ordeal when they didn't have to be? It was like he was addicted to the state of over-arousal, and my physical and emotional systems just couldn't handle it. Then that weakness got used against me time and again by multiple parties at multiple times, and it was just such a fucking waste of time and energy-- not to mention the destruction of several relationships!
I just want peace and security right now. Excitement has be experienced in very limited amounts for a while longer, I'm sure.