(no subject)
I am completely confused by life.
I was feeling terribly alone yesterday. Text Chris yesterday and got a few replies(he hasn't really been talkative lately), Bree's service is shut off, and April is busy with school and stuff. Last night around 8, I couldn't handle anything anymore. Popped some Benadryl and went ustairs to watch tv. I needed some sort of human contact so I ended up calling Bree. She is the only sympathetic ear I can go to lately. Usually it is Chris, but he is having a hard time too, and no one wants to hear other peoples problems when they feel shitty, so I understand. I was on the phone with her in tears trying my best to keep calm. Telling her how I am so unhappy, and how I don't know what is wrong with me... And Chris texted me when I was talking to her. I didn't reply since I was crying and talking. 20 minutes goes by and I was about to text him, when he just completely turned and said he was shutting off his phone. I was like, fantastic, I don't even have to do a thing to make people hate me. Fuck. He wouldn't even let me explain. It completely broke my heart.
I have been so patient with him, and understanding. Trying to do my best to make him feel a little better, because his life is really shitty and hard lately. Not burdening him with my issues, because like I said, no one likes that when they are depressed. Well, except me, I use it as a way to focus my energy and thinking on another person. It helps me get outside myself.
I am so miserable. And I am tired of not showing it.
I was feeling terribly alone yesterday. Text Chris yesterday and got a few replies(he hasn't really been talkative lately), Bree's service is shut off, and April is busy with school and stuff. Last night around 8, I couldn't handle anything anymore. Popped some Benadryl and went ustairs to watch tv. I needed some sort of human contact so I ended up calling Bree. She is the only sympathetic ear I can go to lately. Usually it is Chris, but he is having a hard time too, and no one wants to hear other peoples problems when they feel shitty, so I understand. I was on the phone with her in tears trying my best to keep calm. Telling her how I am so unhappy, and how I don't know what is wrong with me... And Chris texted me when I was talking to her. I didn't reply since I was crying and talking. 20 minutes goes by and I was about to text him, when he just completely turned and said he was shutting off his phone. I was like, fantastic, I don't even have to do a thing to make people hate me. Fuck. He wouldn't even let me explain. It completely broke my heart.
I have been so patient with him, and understanding. Trying to do my best to make him feel a little better, because his life is really shitty and hard lately. Not burdening him with my issues, because like I said, no one likes that when they are depressed. Well, except me, I use it as a way to focus my energy and thinking on another person. It helps me get outside myself.
I am so miserable. And I am tired of not showing it.