Interview with an Australian Feline
Lucky
Okay, Leeloo welcome to my journal and allowing me to interview you first off your a Australian cat correct?
Leeloo
Australian. Genuine born.
Lucky
So how do you deal with the water going wrong side around the drain?
Leeloo
Wrong?
She blinks at me as if to say there is any other way?
Lucky
Hmmm, well perhaps we should move on to social differences. Is the horrible practice of cat declawing still going on there?
Leeloo
NO, it's been illegal since 1992.
Lucky
My, what a enlightened view; here in the states its still routinely practiced.
Or as I like to call it cat circumcision.
Leeloo
My mum hasn't had a declawed cat since 1976.
Lucky
Realllllllly. Are you a only cat in the house?
Leeloo
In the house, yes. Mum has been forbidden by the nasty pomme woman who gave birth to Da to have any more pets.
Lucky
Really. What about those barky things any of those.
Leeloo
Well he doesn't bark as much as he pitifully whimpers.
I've got him well whipped into shape.
Lucky
Well don't get me wrong; I'm all for inter-species cohabitation.
They are just SO... odd.
Leeloo
He knows who's boss.
And don't forget: stinky.
He thinks nothing of passing wind and then looking around to see what the noise was.
Lucky
Yes, I'm sure. Not even litter box trained?
Leeloo
Oh he'd clean it out for me if mum would let him.
She beats him with a wooden spoon when he snuck into my little pan and tried to remove my deposits.
Lucky
Good lord, NO!
Leeloo
Oh she didn't beat him hard, but he got the point if you know what I mean.
Lucky
Oh, I understand what you mean.
Hmm, perhaps we should move on to a more important topic; string or a ball of tin foil? Whats your favorite?
Leeloo
Not wild about the foil ball stuff. They get stuck under the fridge too quickly. And smooshed when blind humans stand on them.
I like da's socks...
I love grabbing one, wrapping all four of my legs around it and kicking the living daylights out of it as if I'm breaking its neck or back. I love doing the same thing to Mum's scatter mats in the kitchen and bathroom too.
Lucky
Goodness Aussie cats are feral.
Leeloo
There are a lot who are feral but its the English's fault.
Lucky
I see.
Lucky
You hungry? I'm hungry, hold on.
Leeloo
I prefer Mum's tomato and carrot plants.
Lucky
Really? Are you a vegan cat?
Leeloo
And coffee.. Freshly ground coffee to roll around.
Oh no, I love raw beef.
But I only eat chicken cooked. I'm ever so fond of rabbit and I don't mind a bit of fish and chips. But keep the vinegar and tartar sauce to yourself.
Lucky
Well that is murder to get out of the fur.
Leeloo
My favorite place for a bath is in a sunny spot that I managed to get the dog to vacate.
He warms up the floor and I kick him out of the way. Ah... Sun ...warm place to sit and have a bath.
Lucky
Well a barky things have no clue what to do with a sun beam.
Leeloo
He sits, and pants. Go figure. And then licks the carpet. He's weird.
He also is stupid enough to bring things back that the humans throw.
Lucky
Eeewwwwwwwwww.
No way.
Leeloo
Yep. How stupid is that?
Lucky
Yes, that's amazingly undignified.
Leeloo
Obviously they don't want it. He brings it back and they keep throwing it and he still doesn't get the drift.
You'd think after a few times he'd get the idea they don't want it anymore
Lucky
So last question and I understand if you decline to answer... ever do cat nip?
Leeloo
I've tried it.
Lucky
Personally, I chewed but never inhaled.
Leeloo
Doesn't do much for me. I've inhaled, chewed and gardened.
Lucky
Me either, really...
(munch munch munch)
Oh well Leeloo thats out theme music.
Well Leeloo I cannot tell you what a pleasure it was to interview a cat from down under. Thank you once again for your time.
This is Lucky P Cat.
Meow.
Okay, Leeloo welcome to my journal and allowing me to interview you first off your a Australian cat correct?
Leeloo
Australian. Genuine born.
Lucky
So how do you deal with the water going wrong side around the drain?
Leeloo
Wrong?
She blinks at me as if to say there is any other way?
Lucky
Hmmm, well perhaps we should move on to social differences. Is the horrible practice of cat declawing still going on there?
Leeloo
NO, it's been illegal since 1992.
Lucky
My, what a enlightened view; here in the states its still routinely practiced.
Or as I like to call it cat circumcision.
Leeloo
My mum hasn't had a declawed cat since 1976.
Lucky
Realllllllly. Are you a only cat in the house?
Leeloo
In the house, yes. Mum has been forbidden by the nasty pomme woman who gave birth to Da to have any more pets.
Lucky
Really. What about those barky things any of those.
Leeloo
Well he doesn't bark as much as he pitifully whimpers.
I've got him well whipped into shape.
Lucky
Well don't get me wrong; I'm all for inter-species cohabitation.
They are just SO... odd.
Leeloo
He knows who's boss.
And don't forget: stinky.
He thinks nothing of passing wind and then looking around to see what the noise was.
Lucky
Yes, I'm sure. Not even litter box trained?
Leeloo
Oh he'd clean it out for me if mum would let him.
She beats him with a wooden spoon when he snuck into my little pan and tried to remove my deposits.
Lucky
Good lord, NO!
Leeloo
Oh she didn't beat him hard, but he got the point if you know what I mean.
Lucky
Oh, I understand what you mean.
Hmm, perhaps we should move on to a more important topic; string or a ball of tin foil? Whats your favorite?
Leeloo
Not wild about the foil ball stuff. They get stuck under the fridge too quickly. And smooshed when blind humans stand on them.
I like da's socks...
I love grabbing one, wrapping all four of my legs around it and kicking the living daylights out of it as if I'm breaking its neck or back. I love doing the same thing to Mum's scatter mats in the kitchen and bathroom too.
Lucky
Goodness Aussie cats are feral.
Leeloo
There are a lot who are feral but its the English's fault.
Lucky
I see.
Lucky
You hungry? I'm hungry, hold on.
Leeloo
I prefer Mum's tomato and carrot plants.
Lucky
Really? Are you a vegan cat?
Leeloo
And coffee.. Freshly ground coffee to roll around.
Oh no, I love raw beef.
But I only eat chicken cooked. I'm ever so fond of rabbit and I don't mind a bit of fish and chips. But keep the vinegar and tartar sauce to yourself.
Lucky
Well that is murder to get out of the fur.
Leeloo
My favorite place for a bath is in a sunny spot that I managed to get the dog to vacate.
He warms up the floor and I kick him out of the way. Ah... Sun ...warm place to sit and have a bath.
Lucky
Well a barky things have no clue what to do with a sun beam.
Leeloo
He sits, and pants. Go figure. And then licks the carpet. He's weird.
He also is stupid enough to bring things back that the humans throw.
Lucky
Eeewwwwwwwwww.
No way.
Leeloo
Yep. How stupid is that?
Lucky
Yes, that's amazingly undignified.
Leeloo
Obviously they don't want it. He brings it back and they keep throwing it and he still doesn't get the drift.
You'd think after a few times he'd get the idea they don't want it anymore
Lucky
So last question and I understand if you decline to answer... ever do cat nip?
Leeloo
I've tried it.
Lucky
Personally, I chewed but never inhaled.
Leeloo
Doesn't do much for me. I've inhaled, chewed and gardened.
Lucky
Me either, really...
(munch munch munch)
Oh well Leeloo thats out theme music.
Well Leeloo I cannot tell you what a pleasure it was to interview a cat from down under. Thank you once again for your time.
This is Lucky P Cat.
Meow.