Tell the monkey Tarzan swings both ways
If you remember The Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
> will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from
> the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not
> scripted and (often) dull as they are now.
> Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, ofcourse.
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
> you be?
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
> Are you probably a man or a woman?
> A Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
> Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
> that
> he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
> A Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
> You"?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
> Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
> apartment.
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
> hands
> while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
> and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
> get
> any during the first year?
> A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
> camps.
> One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or.in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
> goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you >give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
> the
> habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo!
> Poo!"
> What does this mean?
> A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
> head,
> what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
> has
> actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
> bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
>
> Q: Is it possible to make a monkey cry?
> A: Paul Lynde: Yes. Tell the monkey Tarzan swings both ways.
>
> will bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from
> the days when game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not
> scripted and (often) dull as they are now.
> Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, ofcourse.
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should
> you be?
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
> Are you probably a man or a woman?
> A Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
> Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think
> that
> he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
> A Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
> You"?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
>
> Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
> apartment.
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
> hands
> while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter,
> and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to
> get
> any during the first year?
> A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
> camps.
> One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or.in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
> goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you >give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into
> the
> habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
> Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo!
> Poo!"
> What does this mean?
> A. George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
> head,
> what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your
> elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and
> has
> actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in
> bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh
>
> Q: Is it possible to make a monkey cry?
> A: Paul Lynde: Yes. Tell the monkey Tarzan swings both ways.
>