Whew what a day.
I got a call from my cousin Marie at around 10:30am and we decided to meet for lunch in the city (she works on 34th next to Macy's) for 1:30pm. I hit the shower and headed down. I mistakenly took the thruway all the way down instead of going through Jersey, so I hit some traffic, but all in all I made good time considering.
When I got into Manhattan I was coming down the east side and decided to cut over and ended up driving through Central park from the very top all the way down. I never did that before-- It was a lovely drive. THe park was in all of it's winter charm. I got a really odd feeling when I passed Tavern on The Green and Sheep Meadow...that area is my old stomping grounds from my high school days. I went to high school only a few blocks cross town across from Lincoln Center and that's where my friends and I would hang out or go to when we cut school. THe meadow is closed for the winter and so as I drove by and saw it I felt like I was in a museum of my past life-- I saw the ghosts of me and my friends in that meadow, but knew it was something long gone-- a very odd feeling indeed.
I got to 34th bit the bullet and threw the car in a lot. I met Marie and we had lunch in Macy's cellar. We got to talking so much she lost track of time and was late getting back from lunch- but it was soooo very good to see her and touch base- it feels like forever since I've had a chance to sit and just talk. She and her husband Stephen are two of my favorite cousins and hold a special place in my heart.
After that I headed to Brooklyn. I got to catch up with Steve enroute. Stopped at MonteLeone's and was incredibly disappointed by their lack of cookie selections-- so I bought a cheese cake and canolis to console myself.
THen I went to my old block and visited my next door neighbor Ann Betancourt. She's about 62 now and my brother and I grew up playing with her younger kids and other kids in her building. When I got older and was in my 20's and began taking care of Tommy (who lived across the hall from her) we became especially close and in many ways she became the adult woman I'd go to talk to and get advice about my family and life and just chat and have coffee with. Her health is not good, and I don't get to see her much, but whenever I am in I make it a point to see her and give her my love and check in. She's part of home for me and always will be. She was alwaya a constant for me through the years and when everything went down with my bro and sister-in-law and mom a year and a half ago, she made it very clear to me that I'd always have a home in Brooklyn to go to.
THat particularly resonated for me today. It was the first time I walked past my house on First Place and knew my keys would not unlock the door. That I would truly be tresspassing if I walked into that building. It was completely vacant and much like Sheep Meadow I looked at it and it seemed like a museum piece-- It was almost like the Ghost of Christmas Past was showing me around my former life except that it was all right there and it wasn't a dream.
After sitting and talking with Ann for almost 2 hours I ran to get the bread and she asked me to pick her up a loaf. I went to Mazzola's and picked up two loaves of lard bread (Italian bread stuffed with prociutto, cheese and black pepper-it's amazing-- if I wasn't a vegetarian the two loaves would have never made it back here), a loaf of olive ciabatta and a pound and a quarter of the cookies that Monte Leone's didn't have.
On the way back I stopped at Joe's Superette for some rice balls, dropped the bread with Ann and then headed two doors down to see another old friend and her parents who were visiting from Florida. Sat down at the table and as if on cue like it was 15 years ago, her mother set me a place at the table and before I knew it I was having dinner with them and catching up with everyone.
I made a couple of stops around my neighborhood today. Somethings have changed- many faces have changed, but the vibe, the spirit, the pulse of the neighborhood is very much a part of me. I walked on Smith ST, drove down Court Street and I was home-- maybe not in the sense of home that I've come to know in SF, but in the core of my being I was there. It was like my internal rhythm met the external rhythm and everything was synchronized and I just felt peaceful. The smell of the neighborhood. All the decorations in the gates, the brownstones crowded together and hovering over me- it all felt very protective and safe. Despite the reality and the complexities of it all I just had this moment of realizing that old saying is true. YOu can take the kid outta Brooklyn, but you can't take Brooklyn outta the kid. And you can't, because it becomes so integrated in the core of you and so much a part of who you are that nothing ever feels quite the same as when you find yourself there. For all the good and bad that may come of things there, there is something very unique, very different about having been Brooklynbred.
I realized today that I could indeed live in Brooklyn again, but it would have to be in a very specific way. I would never want to return to Brooklyn single. If I were ever to move back I'd probably only do it once I found someone or made a decision to be single forever- NY is not a place I like doing the whole dating scene- at all. I'd also have to be established enough career-wise to be able to provide a certain standard of living-- my own condo or town house or a duplex or something like so. I'd also want to live in Carroll Gardens or maybe Park Slope or Cobble Hill.
I guess I see returning to Brooklyn as something I'd do as a settling in kinda thing. Not that I wouldn't want to settle in to SF-- I do, but the only way I see ever going back to Brooklyn at this point would be as a move I make with someone to build a life together and nest and raise kids and to take advantage of the arts and culture there. I don't ever see me going back just for the hell of it to return "home" because that sense of home is very much in SF now--I know that may not make sense but in my mind it does.
Brooklyn in in me--It's like I ingested it and it's in my fibers, in my bones- San Francisco is the home that has become who I am and what is now comfortable and affords me the space and opportunity to live my life how I see fit. I can struggle in SF and it feels worth it--I would never want to struggle in Brooklyn just to live there. I guess I feel it's so much a part of me that I shouldn't have to, so I'd only move back there if I could live there in a way that would allow me the lifestyle I'd prefer in NY. My preferred lifestyle in SF is a bit different.
In any case I am so totally rambling, so I'll go now- but as an end note- I got to my brother's house and said hello to the kids and my niece refused to kiss me hello- she was being a goof ball... I kept telling her where's my kiss and pointing to my cheek. and she kept shaking her head and saying Nope while giggling- so I dropped it and Glo and I were talking, I left about an hour later went up to kiss the kids good night - walked over to Gab and she got up and said WAIT and gave me one kiss and said THat's for hello and then gave me another and said Good night- and gave me a great big hug. All I could do was smile. My nephew popped up and gave me a hug and a kiss and said Nighty night Tio.
It's going to be so hard to get on that plane Tuesday knowing I won't see them for months. I love those kids so much.
When I got into Manhattan I was coming down the east side and decided to cut over and ended up driving through Central park from the very top all the way down. I never did that before-- It was a lovely drive. THe park was in all of it's winter charm. I got a really odd feeling when I passed Tavern on The Green and Sheep Meadow...that area is my old stomping grounds from my high school days. I went to high school only a few blocks cross town across from Lincoln Center and that's where my friends and I would hang out or go to when we cut school. THe meadow is closed for the winter and so as I drove by and saw it I felt like I was in a museum of my past life-- I saw the ghosts of me and my friends in that meadow, but knew it was something long gone-- a very odd feeling indeed.
I got to 34th bit the bullet and threw the car in a lot. I met Marie and we had lunch in Macy's cellar. We got to talking so much she lost track of time and was late getting back from lunch- but it was soooo very good to see her and touch base- it feels like forever since I've had a chance to sit and just talk. She and her husband Stephen are two of my favorite cousins and hold a special place in my heart.
After that I headed to Brooklyn. I got to catch up with Steve enroute. Stopped at MonteLeone's and was incredibly disappointed by their lack of cookie selections-- so I bought a cheese cake and canolis to console myself.
THen I went to my old block and visited my next door neighbor Ann Betancourt. She's about 62 now and my brother and I grew up playing with her younger kids and other kids in her building. When I got older and was in my 20's and began taking care of Tommy (who lived across the hall from her) we became especially close and in many ways she became the adult woman I'd go to talk to and get advice about my family and life and just chat and have coffee with. Her health is not good, and I don't get to see her much, but whenever I am in I make it a point to see her and give her my love and check in. She's part of home for me and always will be. She was alwaya a constant for me through the years and when everything went down with my bro and sister-in-law and mom a year and a half ago, she made it very clear to me that I'd always have a home in Brooklyn to go to.
THat particularly resonated for me today. It was the first time I walked past my house on First Place and knew my keys would not unlock the door. That I would truly be tresspassing if I walked into that building. It was completely vacant and much like Sheep Meadow I looked at it and it seemed like a museum piece-- It was almost like the Ghost of Christmas Past was showing me around my former life except that it was all right there and it wasn't a dream.
After sitting and talking with Ann for almost 2 hours I ran to get the bread and she asked me to pick her up a loaf. I went to Mazzola's and picked up two loaves of lard bread (Italian bread stuffed with prociutto, cheese and black pepper-it's amazing-- if I wasn't a vegetarian the two loaves would have never made it back here), a loaf of olive ciabatta and a pound and a quarter of the cookies that Monte Leone's didn't have.
On the way back I stopped at Joe's Superette for some rice balls, dropped the bread with Ann and then headed two doors down to see another old friend and her parents who were visiting from Florida. Sat down at the table and as if on cue like it was 15 years ago, her mother set me a place at the table and before I knew it I was having dinner with them and catching up with everyone.
I made a couple of stops around my neighborhood today. Somethings have changed- many faces have changed, but the vibe, the spirit, the pulse of the neighborhood is very much a part of me. I walked on Smith ST, drove down Court Street and I was home-- maybe not in the sense of home that I've come to know in SF, but in the core of my being I was there. It was like my internal rhythm met the external rhythm and everything was synchronized and I just felt peaceful. The smell of the neighborhood. All the decorations in the gates, the brownstones crowded together and hovering over me- it all felt very protective and safe. Despite the reality and the complexities of it all I just had this moment of realizing that old saying is true. YOu can take the kid outta Brooklyn, but you can't take Brooklyn outta the kid. And you can't, because it becomes so integrated in the core of you and so much a part of who you are that nothing ever feels quite the same as when you find yourself there. For all the good and bad that may come of things there, there is something very unique, very different about having been Brooklynbred.
I realized today that I could indeed live in Brooklyn again, but it would have to be in a very specific way. I would never want to return to Brooklyn single. If I were ever to move back I'd probably only do it once I found someone or made a decision to be single forever- NY is not a place I like doing the whole dating scene- at all. I'd also have to be established enough career-wise to be able to provide a certain standard of living-- my own condo or town house or a duplex or something like so. I'd also want to live in Carroll Gardens or maybe Park Slope or Cobble Hill.
I guess I see returning to Brooklyn as something I'd do as a settling in kinda thing. Not that I wouldn't want to settle in to SF-- I do, but the only way I see ever going back to Brooklyn at this point would be as a move I make with someone to build a life together and nest and raise kids and to take advantage of the arts and culture there. I don't ever see me going back just for the hell of it to return "home" because that sense of home is very much in SF now--I know that may not make sense but in my mind it does.
Brooklyn in in me--It's like I ingested it and it's in my fibers, in my bones- San Francisco is the home that has become who I am and what is now comfortable and affords me the space and opportunity to live my life how I see fit. I can struggle in SF and it feels worth it--I would never want to struggle in Brooklyn just to live there. I guess I feel it's so much a part of me that I shouldn't have to, so I'd only move back there if I could live there in a way that would allow me the lifestyle I'd prefer in NY. My preferred lifestyle in SF is a bit different.
In any case I am so totally rambling, so I'll go now- but as an end note- I got to my brother's house and said hello to the kids and my niece refused to kiss me hello- she was being a goof ball... I kept telling her where's my kiss and pointing to my cheek. and she kept shaking her head and saying Nope while giggling- so I dropped it and Glo and I were talking, I left about an hour later went up to kiss the kids good night - walked over to Gab and she got up and said WAIT and gave me one kiss and said THat's for hello and then gave me another and said Good night- and gave me a great big hug. All I could do was smile. My nephew popped up and gave me a hug and a kiss and said Nighty night Tio.
It's going to be so hard to get on that plane Tuesday knowing I won't see them for months. I love those kids so much.