parties

[luckyhoss]

I've gone to a rash of parties lately that all get lumped into the same mental space in my head. That thing is "we think it's funny to pretend like we're adults, but oops, we actually are." They've been great parties, for sure, but I feel like everyone's a little "oh my god, wouldn't it be cuh-RAZY to have a fancy dress-up cocktail party, just

Comments

[lesion]

it'll be years before i throw a party where alcohol is provided again, as it's so infrequently reciprocated. there will always be people who come to a party expecting booze, then throw a BYOB party. i can't hate them, because i'm sure they just don't get it because they're not, well, grown-ups. but that sort of thing is emblematic of the larger gap in growing-up that plagues the 20s -- hopefully not the 30s, though. the other night, i was out with a few acquaintances, and three of us bought rounds for the table; when it got to person four, she just kind of sat there, all of us with empty drinks, continuing to chat until one of the others finally just got up and bought another round for everyone. irritating as hell. the tricky thing is that, if you're a grown-up, you know it's belittling to say, "hey, we all just got rounds; it's your turn," so you hold your tongue and end up enabling the other person's delayed development.

i was on the other end of this a couple years back, when i didn't realize that sending a wedding gift was the appropriate response to a declined wedding invitation. i couldn't make it to my very good friend's wedding in another state, and a year later was reading a tact article and realized that i had inadvertently been a dick. i wonder what else i don't know that i'll discover later when i'm more of a grown-up.

[limaceous]

The grown up part of this is that you didn't yell, "Hey douchey, guess who's turn it is to buy drinks?!" So I would say the problem isn't so much that your friend was NOT grown up...but that YOU are one! You old ass oldster!

[lesion]

haha that's totally true. maybe grown-up social etiquette isn't the greatest!

[boilingbabies]

Your friend pulled a douchey move by accepting free drinks without buying a round herself. The big problem with rounds though, for me, is that I often don't want to drink that much. I'm a one, maybe two-drink person, so rounds often don't work. But in that case, I refuse to let people buy me drinks because I know I won't be reciprocating.

I'm kind of against the idea of sending someone a wedding gift when you didn't attend the wedding. The gift should be the fact that you just spared them $75 for the meal you would've eaten had you attended the wedding! But it also depends on how close you are with the person too. Close friends who live across the country should probably get gifts, but if it's just some random person you don't know well, then eh.

[lesion]

oh, yeah, totally. i've never been invited to a wedding of someone i barely know, so luckily that's never been an issue. the wedding was erin's, so i DEFINITELY should've gotten her something. i'd just never been to a wedding before or had any of my friends ever send a wedding invitation (they'd all eloped), and i had never bought them a wedding gift. which, in hindsight, holy shit -- two of my oldest friends married, and i got them zilch in addition to being absent for their wedding. which, as i understand it, is tantamount to saying "i have no desire to invest in your family." anyway, i sent erin and her husband a gift after i realized what i'd done -- a year too late, but a gift nonetheless.

i decided that when i get married, i'm having a $25 limit on gifts so that nobody feels pressured to spend a shitload. in exchange, i will provide hot dogs and beer.

on the rounds thing, that totally makes sense. i so rarely go out with more than one or two people, and even more rarely for multiple rounds, that it is usually not an issue. it just goes along with a general trend i've seen in people ages 20-30 where it's like, if you're generous, you are taking a huge risk that other people won't recognize it and reciprocate, or that they'll just be like "oh gosh, i don't think i want to drink anymore" when it's their turn, and you'll end up always being the person who volutneers to pay. same thing with going out to dinner with a large group, when people want to divide up the check individually instead of just splitting it equally amongst everyone. i almost always end up putting in way more than my share when that happens, usually jsut to avoid the awkwardness of waiting for people who didn't put in enough to cough up another two dollars. it's liek being in a kindergarten class, waiting for one kid to take the blame for crayon graffiti so that everyone can go to recess. i'm usually that kid, and it totally sucks balls.

sorry i just went on a cranky spree in your LJ kelly...

[boilingbabies]

Oh my god, I absolutely REFUSE to do anything but separate checks in large group situations anymore. I got stuck paying $20 extra for shit I didn't eat/drink the last time I was in a big group setting. It was either that or not tip the server for a giant bill. People were coming and going all over the place so it was impossible to figure out who shorted (probably more than one person). It's getting to the point where I can't wait until my friends aren't broke as hell so this won't be a problem. I'm not entirely convinced that people are shorting the bill on accident.

[conformity]

hahaha you are self-conscious on lj lately

[lesion]

i am, because for some reason i CAN'T STOP WRITING and i'm like totally fuming about everything lately.

[luckyhoss]

I definitely still treat almost all parties like a BYOB and try to bring enough to spread around when I'm a guest, but I appreciate when the hosts have provided some fancy fun stuff too. I am a little aghast that anyone would just EXPECT to be plied with booze as a guest, but it's a welcome shift that it's available. I still have BYOB parties, myself, but try to have enough to compensate for when everyone's booze runs out, because it keeps the party fun.

I kind of get the rounds thing... like Mary said, I might not drink more than a drink or two, so it kind of sucks to have buy four or more drinks for others... then again, if the person was accepting the free drinks, they should pitch in when their turn comes around!

[lesion]

maybe it's just a DC thing, i don't know. my friends of course don't expect to be wined and dined -- they're cool like you guys are -- but there are a lot of rich people here who actually DO throw fancy parties with full spreads and expensive wine and shit, and i think sometimes people come to expect that from a house party, because it isn't that abnormal. but now that i think about it, only a few people at every party i've thrown have arrived empty-handed, and usually i didn't even know them, so i don't really have anything to complain about.