(no subject)
So as it turns out this whole livejournal business helps out in some way. I'm a little confused to understand how it helps since I can't really be completely be honest about everything I say...hmm. Today was a little better then the last two days. Being around phil helps but as soon as he's not around I get to thinking and thinking turns into crying and being hurt. I guess I'm just going to need that constant reminder for a while. Geeze, I still can't get over the fact of you picking now, the time of all times for this to happen, when I needed you most. yay. It sucks because a part of me wants you to hurt as badly as I do. I pick fights with you and say very hurtful things but you asked for it. Me insecure....I wonder why?
I saved it to my e-mail, everytime I go there, I read it. I guess in a way i'm opening the scab back up and I'm not really sure why. I don't know if it helps or if it just makes me back into mush. Even now on the third day, while I'm reading it...I start shaking and it's hard to breathe.
You thought I was going to leave, I've never seen you like that before. I said everything that I hadn't said before. You were scared, I had the upper hand.
I'm sure that all of these jumbled thoughts don't make since to others but they don't have to. All that matters is that I know what they mean. What others think doesn't matter.
-giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
_Phil, you are a wonderful person and I'm so happy to have you in my life today. You mean the world to me. You find a way to better our relationship everyday and I thank you for that. But I also thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend.
I saved it to my e-mail, everytime I go there, I read it. I guess in a way i'm opening the scab back up and I'm not really sure why. I don't know if it helps or if it just makes me back into mush. Even now on the third day, while I'm reading it...I start shaking and it's hard to breathe.
You thought I was going to leave, I've never seen you like that before. I said everything that I hadn't said before. You were scared, I had the upper hand.
I'm sure that all of these jumbled thoughts don't make since to others but they don't have to. All that matters is that I know what they mean. What others think doesn't matter.
-giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
_Phil, you are a wonderful person and I'm so happy to have you in my life today. You mean the world to me. You find a way to better our relationship everyday and I thank you for that. But I also thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend.