It's officially time to move on
I was right back into working out yesterday. I sustained some pretty impressive bruises and scrapes from rugby over the weekend (Minxyminou can attest to that) and running on the pavement hurt a little bit but running on the treadmill was fine.
YW: Run 400m, 21 kettlebell swings, 12 pullups. 16 minutes to do 3 rounds (and rest the remainder), 12 minutes to do 2 rounds (and rest the remainder), then one final round. My (approx) times: 10:10, 6:40, 2:57.
I also got the idea of making workout t-shirts for Helga and Coffee Snob who have both been coming to me for workout advice. The slogan on a dark grey t-shirt in pink letters in a militaristic font is "Strong is the new skinny." I did the design myself with a company that does customised t-shirts, and made one for myself too. Mine is black, with the words MOLWN LABE in blood red letters. A nice Spartan reference for me.
I went to the psychologist first thing this morning. First I told her that I was leaving work, and we talked for a while before getting to the crux of the session. Part of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy is accepting that you will have negative feelings, and trying not to dwell on them when doing so can't change them. I've noticed that even if I leave work, I still feel a sense of detachment from a lot of people and the kind of things that they do and worry about and value. People, even people I have nothing to do with and no reason to take notice of, seem to set me off on a grumpy path. When seeing perfectly ordinary people just minding their own business on the walk back to my car, I managed to feel annoyed by them for silly and petty reasons. Additionally, I don't seem to fit anywhere. (I reckon there is a post in this in itself, but that's for another day.) The idea when I get these feelings of detachment and annoyance and alienation is not to internalise them, but to not let them take over and to see them as separate from me.
She also reminded me that my sense that other people fit into things (like my parents and sister fitting into their careers and their personal relationships) much better than I may not be as true as I think, on accout of me seeing my insides and others outsides. I generally come off as pretty together from the outside, but most people who don't know me that deeply don't sense the frustration and pointlessness that I get at times. It could be that many of the people I see as having everything sorted are not as together as I think, but they still manage to get along.
Finally, I got a letter yesterday from CoS stating that next Friday 12 August will be my last day on the job.
This letter reads pretty negative, but it's not like that. I mentioned to him last Friday that I planned to resign effective 12 August, and his response was to say "I would be happy to fire you if that helps." The thing is, if I resign, I get my unused leave paid out and that's it. If they get rid of me (for any one of a whole list of reasons including my skills no longer being needed) I get my leave paid out and a severance package. In my case, given that I have been working in Parliament for over three years, that is ten weeks pay. So to recap, if I quit I just get my leave. If they get rid of me, I get ten weeks pay. So, I got sacked. Except it's not a sacking, and nobody cares anyway. My reputation around this place is intact, and the reference I get will be the same no matter how I leave.