Ficlet: Born to Lose
Title: Born to Lose
Fandom: Supernatural
Character/Pairing: Mary Campbell; Mary/John
Rating: All
Word Count: 933
Summary: "Ask Mary why she does it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember."
Note: Written for tokenblkgirl
Ask Mary why she does it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember.
Growing up female in a family of hunters meant she was never allowed to be selfish, not really. Her mother said all it took was a pout and a bit of tears and Mary would have Samuel wrapped around her fingers. That was how she got to go senior prom in freshman year and how she got him to give her his old truck, despite wanting to sell it to their neighbour for a little extra cash.
However, when Samuel Campbell said they had to drop everything for a hunt, no amount of pouting or tears could convince him otherwise. Mary missed the first day of school her junior year, recuperating at home from a werewolf hunt. She lost her favourite yellow sweater-the one Peter McCabe told her she should wear more often because it brought out her eyes-to a girl in Nevada. Mary gave it to the girl to cover herself up after an incubus attack. On her sixteenth birthday Samuel bought Mary a silver charm bracelet-all of her friends had one. But Mary's charms weren't harmless. They burned and protected, keeping others at bay.
Mary yearned to be selfish. She wanted to say no, just once, to her father as he dropped the duffle of knives and guns in the trunk of the family car. She wanted to take off the bracelet and put on the pearls she'd bought at a department store. But people's lives were at stake, and her father had given her the bracelet. He loved her enough to want to her safe. She got into the backseat of the car every time and never took off her bracelet. Want became a familiar ache, one that made her feel hungry and vulnerable.
Mar's first impression of John Winchester was that he was soft. He'd seen action in 'Nam but he lacked the hard, damaged look Mary knew all too well. He was polite, nervous, and he didn't like Johnny Cash. She turned him down three times before finally agreeing to see a movie. Even though he'd been the perfect gentleman she was still unsure. A man like him would make a good soldier, but never a good hunter. Back then, Mary had believed in honesty and transparency. Maybe her husband wouldn't be a hunter, but he would know her completely.
On their second date John promised to take her to a dance club in the next county. When they passed it, she wondered if he was stupid or if the night was going to end with her breaking a few of his bones. She remained silent as he drove, imagining various scenarios and what type of blows it would take to disable John.
When he pulled into a parking lot and pulled into a parking space, Mary looked over at him with a raised brow, a warning and a challenge. John responded with a sheepish look and handed her a ticket. Johnny Cash was playing at the Troubadour Theatre.
She didn't fall in love with him then, but the ache of want eased. Mary looked and John and realized she could have him.
When she could finally admit that she loved him, Mary wondered for a long time if she loved John because he loved her. He was the first man who wasn't a relative to tell her he loved her. He was the first to take her out on Valentine's Day and give her a necklace he'd saved up for. He was the first to sit at her family's dinner table and endure her father's disapproving glare and backhanded compliments. He was the first man she lied to about how many men she'd slept with because it would be hard for him to know the truth. John reminded her of what it was like to be normal.
"How do you know you love someone?" Mary asked her mother. Deanna had come into her room one night and offered to brush Mary's hair, something she used to do every night when Mary was a child. It was an act of remembrance and confirmation now.
Deanna's stopped brushing. "Are we talking about John?"
"He's the only man I'm seeing."
Deanna laughed, continuing to run the brush through Mary's hair. "You want to know if you love him."
"I know I do, but I'm not sure if it's for the right reasons. He's nice. I've never had anyone like him before."
Deanna made a sound low in her throat. "Most of the time you don't know if you love someone until you're close to losing them. You break up or you see them with someone else. You feel like you're going to die, like everything's falling apart, fracturing. You don't feel like that if you don't really love someone. You can't."
Mary felt like that now. She had John in her arms and she could feel the fractured bones in his neck. Her heart was pounding a deafening song; blood was rushing to her ears. She couldn't breathe. She wanted to laugh, scream, but she didn't want to cry, never that. Her father hated to see her cry; John hated it even more.
Her parents were dead, but John didn't have to be. One kiss and the world would make sense again.
The demon's mouth tasted of smoke and sulphur. John sucked in a large gasp of air as Samuel's body fell to the ground.
Ask Mary when she did it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember how much she loves her husband.
end
*Title taken from Johnny Cash's "Born to Lose".
I feel like I should apologize for this because I'm not sure I got everything quite right.
Fandom: Supernatural
Character/Pairing: Mary Campbell; Mary/John
Rating: All
Word Count: 933
Summary: "Ask Mary why she does it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember."
Note: Written for tokenblkgirl
Ask Mary why she does it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember.
Growing up female in a family of hunters meant she was never allowed to be selfish, not really. Her mother said all it took was a pout and a bit of tears and Mary would have Samuel wrapped around her fingers. That was how she got to go senior prom in freshman year and how she got him to give her his old truck, despite wanting to sell it to their neighbour for a little extra cash.
However, when Samuel Campbell said they had to drop everything for a hunt, no amount of pouting or tears could convince him otherwise. Mary missed the first day of school her junior year, recuperating at home from a werewolf hunt. She lost her favourite yellow sweater-the one Peter McCabe told her she should wear more often because it brought out her eyes-to a girl in Nevada. Mary gave it to the girl to cover herself up after an incubus attack. On her sixteenth birthday Samuel bought Mary a silver charm bracelet-all of her friends had one. But Mary's charms weren't harmless. They burned and protected, keeping others at bay.
Mary yearned to be selfish. She wanted to say no, just once, to her father as he dropped the duffle of knives and guns in the trunk of the family car. She wanted to take off the bracelet and put on the pearls she'd bought at a department store. But people's lives were at stake, and her father had given her the bracelet. He loved her enough to want to her safe. She got into the backseat of the car every time and never took off her bracelet. Want became a familiar ache, one that made her feel hungry and vulnerable.
Mar's first impression of John Winchester was that he was soft. He'd seen action in 'Nam but he lacked the hard, damaged look Mary knew all too well. He was polite, nervous, and he didn't like Johnny Cash. She turned him down three times before finally agreeing to see a movie. Even though he'd been the perfect gentleman she was still unsure. A man like him would make a good soldier, but never a good hunter. Back then, Mary had believed in honesty and transparency. Maybe her husband wouldn't be a hunter, but he would know her completely.
On their second date John promised to take her to a dance club in the next county. When they passed it, she wondered if he was stupid or if the night was going to end with her breaking a few of his bones. She remained silent as he drove, imagining various scenarios and what type of blows it would take to disable John.
When he pulled into a parking lot and pulled into a parking space, Mary looked over at him with a raised brow, a warning and a challenge. John responded with a sheepish look and handed her a ticket. Johnny Cash was playing at the Troubadour Theatre.
She didn't fall in love with him then, but the ache of want eased. Mary looked and John and realized she could have him.
When she could finally admit that she loved him, Mary wondered for a long time if she loved John because he loved her. He was the first man who wasn't a relative to tell her he loved her. He was the first to take her out on Valentine's Day and give her a necklace he'd saved up for. He was the first to sit at her family's dinner table and endure her father's disapproving glare and backhanded compliments. He was the first man she lied to about how many men she'd slept with because it would be hard for him to know the truth. John reminded her of what it was like to be normal.
"How do you know you love someone?" Mary asked her mother. Deanna had come into her room one night and offered to brush Mary's hair, something she used to do every night when Mary was a child. It was an act of remembrance and confirmation now.
Deanna's stopped brushing. "Are we talking about John?"
"He's the only man I'm seeing."
Deanna laughed, continuing to run the brush through Mary's hair. "You want to know if you love him."
"I know I do, but I'm not sure if it's for the right reasons. He's nice. I've never had anyone like him before."
Deanna made a sound low in her throat. "Most of the time you don't know if you love someone until you're close to losing them. You break up or you see them with someone else. You feel like you're going to die, like everything's falling apart, fracturing. You don't feel like that if you don't really love someone. You can't."
Mary felt like that now. She had John in her arms and she could feel the fractured bones in his neck. Her heart was pounding a deafening song; blood was rushing to her ears. She couldn't breathe. She wanted to laugh, scream, but she didn't want to cry, never that. Her father hated to see her cry; John hated it even more.
Her parents were dead, but John didn't have to be. One kiss and the world would make sense again.
The demon's mouth tasted of smoke and sulphur. John sucked in a large gasp of air as Samuel's body fell to the ground.
Ask Mary when she did it and she'll never say. Instead, she'll remember how much she loves her husband.
end
*Title taken from Johnny Cash's "Born to Lose".
I feel like I should apologize for this because I'm not sure I got everything quite right.