Twiddling the thumbs and getting irratated...
I don't know what to do. Everyone is telling me that I should just stay. I don't know. We all know that you DON'T date your best friend. It doesn't work when you date your best friend. So would I be staying for a chance to be with him again? How am I ever going to let go? It's hard enough to let go of something when it wasn't healthy or good for you. How do you let go when it WAS healthy and good? I don't know. Someone please tell me. TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK I SHOULD DO. At this point I am thinking of taking Skip's way out. A simple hollow tip to the mouth and out the brain. I have not slept or eaten in days.
The funny thing is, before I got the Email from him about him and Kai... we went out. We hung out. We acted like we usually did, with a little bit of the "let's be careful we are no longer together" attitude. We talked..he said he is still in love with me, he still wants me, but he has these feelings for Kai. He is hoping that I will be there if Kai and him do not work out. The last words we said to eachother was "I love you." I went inside and then he sat and stared at my front door for what seemed like forever. *I only know this because I was looking out the peep hole*.. What.. do I let him work through this..and try to find some reason for me? Or do I leave. Maybe I should just go to San Diego and have Maat play me a drum and we get soft serve...and then go to the "notebook" at the college. That always made things better. Avery wants me to move in with him. I don't know. If I do leave what are the chances of Donovan coming back? I know him and Kai will not work out. Will Donovan be able to still love me when and if him and Kai break up?
After all this time.. when do I learn how to live for myself? When will Cernunnos and the others give me someone that wants what I have to offer.. it's not much. But when?
The funny thing is, before I got the Email from him about him and Kai... we went out. We hung out. We acted like we usually did, with a little bit of the "let's be careful we are no longer together" attitude. We talked..he said he is still in love with me, he still wants me, but he has these feelings for Kai. He is hoping that I will be there if Kai and him do not work out. The last words we said to eachother was "I love you." I went inside and then he sat and stared at my front door for what seemed like forever. *I only know this because I was looking out the peep hole*.. What.. do I let him work through this..and try to find some reason for me? Or do I leave. Maybe I should just go to San Diego and have Maat play me a drum and we get soft serve...and then go to the "notebook" at the college. That always made things better. Avery wants me to move in with him. I don't know. If I do leave what are the chances of Donovan coming back? I know him and Kai will not work out. Will Donovan be able to still love me when and if him and Kai break up?
After all this time.. when do I learn how to live for myself? When will Cernunnos and the others give me someone that wants what I have to offer.. it's not much. But when?