(no subject)
I'm now 7 1/2 months pregnant. I continue to go to work 5 days a week to a job that I no longer love because I recognize that my world perspective has changed and the job, inherently, has not. It's not the job's fault and I can't afford to change jobs at the moment, so I make due until I'm due. The people at work are startled by my new disposition. I was going to save the world... Now I just want to save my kid. When 12-hour shifts were threatening my health (and hers), and constant fluctuations in blood pressure made us exhausted, hungry, and too sick to eat, I started seeing stress not as the thing that kept my blood pumping through the day but as a poison slowly sucking the life out of me. Add to that the inability to release that stress by normal coping methods and, well, here I am. I don't care about your drama and clearly you have no concept of the definition of "emergency" or you'd call 411 for that lost or missing number, not 911. While my newest Chief says we should practice good customer service, even by placating idiots who needlessly dial 911 for stupid things, I say I'm doing all public safety workers everywhere a service by NOT. The world has gotten to where it is because we accept and nurture stupidity and a lack of common sense. If we stop and demand better, we might not end up living a less humorous version of Mike Judge's "Idiocracy." So I do not placate the idiots on the phone or wearing the badges. I tell them what's expected of them, even when it's expected as common courtesy to complete strangers. If the Chief doesn't like it, he can fire me. I'm done putting on a smile and being sweet because its the good Southern thing to do.
Don't worry, though. If you're an idiot, I won't tell you in such a way as to make you feel angry and demeaned. I'll tactfully tell you to pull your head out of your ass and in the end you'll probably thank me for doing so. This part of my disposition is really quite a talent.
It seems having gained 25 lbs all directly out front also gives acquaintances the creative license to ask you intimate questions about your life. Perhaps this has contributed to my recent change in attitude as well. Just because I'm pregnant does not mean that I've got it all figured out. If you ask me if I do, you'll be disappointed when I say that I don't. Is there some secret societal expectation that, because I will soon become a parent, I have also become all-knowing? Geez, did your own mothers really screw you up that bad? My child will be given straight and honest answers, but when Mommy doesn't know, Mommy doesn't know. Mommy knows a lot... But not everything. Ask Daddy. He'll be the first to tell you he doesn't either. That's why I love him.
People thought my filter was broken before all this... I have to admit its a little amusing to see them come to the realization that I still managed to exercise a great deal of restraint. These days? Not so much. I don't care. There is one, tiny little person, that I look out for these days. I want her to grow up in a world where today's generation of entitlement seems as absurd to her as it does to me and my loved ones. The first step in that process is simply calling bullshit where there's bullshit to be called.
As for me? I'm quite content with that. Thankfully, I live with one very like minded individual and we are happier together calling bullshit than we ever imagined was possible.
Life is good when you just keep living.
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