(no subject)
i am trying to figure out how i feel exactly about this whole jon thing. i know that its not his fault exactly, but it kind of pisses me off. he doesnt piss me off. just the situation. now he is telling me its this weekend, but i am having a suprisig amount of trouble believing it. honestly, i just dont want to get my hopes up again and just get let down. I shoule be with him right now. i wish more than anything that i was. fred tells me that its ok because its not never happening, it just got delayed for a week. normally, that would be fine with me, but it just doesnt seem likely in my head. i am trying to be positive and work on him coming. but i have been doing that for this weekend for a month and it didnt work. im sure it will happen when it is supposed to but i am really tired of waiting. i miss him like crazy and there is a place in me that i have found that only he has filled so far. and it has been very lonely for a while. i havnet had someone make me feel like that since begging part of my relationship with shawn. and that is saying alot. i miss him so much. if it doesnt work out this weekend i wont know what to think. what is the universe trying to tell me by keeping us apart. i have to listen and pay attention to that kind of thing. im not saying anything yet. i guess we will see when frida rolls around. i am still hopeing for the best. then i can come on this stupid live journal and spill my heart out about how amazing my time with him was and how muc i love that guy! he is so amazing. just thinking about him...