Who's gonna recue us from ourselves... ?
It's hard for me to see myself or others in a long term relationship. I mean...that's what I really want, but I'm scared of getting really attached then losing that person. Cuz you know how you like people but then you eventually get over them. What if that happens in a relationship. And I know that's the reason for the end of a lot of marriages and relationships. It sucks. But I guess if both parties show each other love, then you won't lose interest in them. Who knows... It's a different case for everyone.
I need to get my lazy ass up and start applying to colleges and scholarships.. cuz if I get stuck here again next year I'm gonna shoot myself. A lot of people are gonna be gone and off to college and it's gonna suck. Plus, I really want to go to a major college and experience the college life. And I need to meet new people, make older friends (no offense to all my young friends), find friends that are more adventurous and daring that don't freak out when you give back a meal at a restaurant, and aren't afraid to scream "PENIS MOLE" in the mall. And besides all that.. I need to go to college and study film production or dance..which ever one I decide.. so I can start a career and not be stuck working a 9-5 my whole life. But I'm scared that I will finish college and not get any work and be stuck with a 9-5 anyway.
I thank God for changing my life cuz it used to freakin suck. I used hate my life. I thank God for sending me to Dillard cuz that changed my life. If it wasn't for Dillard I would have never opened up or came out. I would've been stuck at Springs with all my guy friends.. pretending to be someone i'm not.. miserable.. hiding who I really am..and I never would've came out. I thank God for Beat Street. I thank God for Heather, Danielle, Caitlin, Lisa, Caitlin, Seamus, Ryan, Laura,Danny, David, Amanda, Jackie, the Drapers, Erika, Charisse everyone at Beat Street, Sabrina, Corey, Brittany, Miriam, Carole, Sean, Roxanne, Christina, Amanda, Tanya, Sheena, Mark, Nikki, Jerry, everyone at Dillard, Sunny, Tony I love you even though we're not that close, everyone for being part of my happiness and giving me the best times of my life. Even though I get mad at myself sometimes for not going away to college, I thank God for the Marines cuz if it weren't for that I would've been away at college, but I so needed to stay these two years and build the strong friendship that I did with the Beat Street 7 and experience everything that I did.
But my life here is not cutting it for me. I get tired of one thing for too long. I need change. I need to be a dancer, a director, make music videos, work backstage at concerts or on broadway, work at MTV, be a VJ, be a production assistant, SOMETHING in the arts or entertainment industry. That is what will make me happy.
I wish I were straight.
I wish I was one of the guys.
I wish I had a guy best friend..that's not a flamboyant slut (Jerry... sorry, I still love).
I hate jealousy.
I hate envy.
I hate love.
I hate lust.
Thank You All for listening(reading). I love you all and good night!
I need to get my lazy ass up and start applying to colleges and scholarships.. cuz if I get stuck here again next year I'm gonna shoot myself. A lot of people are gonna be gone and off to college and it's gonna suck. Plus, I really want to go to a major college and experience the college life. And I need to meet new people, make older friends (no offense to all my young friends), find friends that are more adventurous and daring that don't freak out when you give back a meal at a restaurant, and aren't afraid to scream "PENIS MOLE" in the mall. And besides all that.. I need to go to college and study film production or dance..which ever one I decide.. so I can start a career and not be stuck working a 9-5 my whole life. But I'm scared that I will finish college and not get any work and be stuck with a 9-5 anyway.
I thank God for changing my life cuz it used to freakin suck. I used hate my life. I thank God for sending me to Dillard cuz that changed my life. If it wasn't for Dillard I would have never opened up or came out. I would've been stuck at Springs with all my guy friends.. pretending to be someone i'm not.. miserable.. hiding who I really am..and I never would've came out. I thank God for Beat Street. I thank God for Heather, Danielle, Caitlin, Lisa, Caitlin, Seamus, Ryan, Laura,Danny, David, Amanda, Jackie, the Drapers, Erika, Charisse everyone at Beat Street, Sabrina, Corey, Brittany, Miriam, Carole, Sean, Roxanne, Christina, Amanda, Tanya, Sheena, Mark, Nikki, Jerry, everyone at Dillard, Sunny, Tony I love you even though we're not that close, everyone for being part of my happiness and giving me the best times of my life. Even though I get mad at myself sometimes for not going away to college, I thank God for the Marines cuz if it weren't for that I would've been away at college, but I so needed to stay these two years and build the strong friendship that I did with the Beat Street 7 and experience everything that I did.
But my life here is not cutting it for me. I get tired of one thing for too long. I need change. I need to be a dancer, a director, make music videos, work backstage at concerts or on broadway, work at MTV, be a VJ, be a production assistant, SOMETHING in the arts or entertainment industry. That is what will make me happy.
I wish I were straight.
I wish I was one of the guys.
I wish I had a guy best friend..that's not a flamboyant slut (Jerry... sorry, I still love).
I hate jealousy.
I hate envy.
I hate love.
I hate lust.
Thank You All for listening(reading). I love you all and good night!