Meet Soren
This is the second time I have tried to get this journal entry written, I deleted the first one by mistake ARGH!!!! This is more of just me working out my thoughts about a story I have written and can't seem to finish and I talked about that in my earlier journal entry. One of my main chacters is called Soren (quit giggling Olie, mike told me, lol) Though the cannon police beg to differ, JRRT never really said one way or the other if Legolas was an only child. So for the purpose of my story and to give me some contrasting viewpoints I created 3 other brothers for Legolas. Soren is the oldest and the one closest to my heart and the loudest one in my head and I'll go more into detal about him in a minute. Erim is the next brother, he represents the faction of people who don't get rape and who can't understand why the person is "not over it yet", after all "that was months ago now". Azezin is the youngest, he is still sunny and child like. He reprents the innocence that once lost can never be reclaimed.
Soren is tall, broad across the shoulders and chest, lean and tapered down to his waist. He's a warrior like his father, with long more golden colored hair where Legolas would be wheat colored. He has scars on his body both from training and battle. You can't be safe and be a warrior. He loves and fears his father equally. But beyond the father son thing he knows he is next in line to the throne and this weighs heavily on his shoulders. He is the dutiful responsible first born son. He is a true leader and he has the respect of those who serve under him. In all these millienia he has never taken a mate. Many think he has a secret lover somewhere and he has never disabused anyone of that notion because the realty is Soren is still a virgin. He was molested by one of his father's most trusted advisors when he was just out of his majority but still an elfing by many standards. His father found out about it, sent the advisor away, later the advisor died a hero in battle. His father never addressed what happened to Soren. So Soren was left to sort it out on his own, which he did as best he could just by burying it. He was a king's son and he had higher duties than to his own personal needs. So Soren put it out of his mind and never addressed it again. He never sought out a mate because of his guilt over the death of the adviosor and the belief somehow that this is all his fault that he did something to make the advisor think he wanted that kind of attention. He is not unaware of what goes on between consenting adults, he just wants no part of it after what happened. I do think he masturbates (Soren gets very quiet and turns his back to me when I ask) but finally admits it's almost a guilt thing when he does, it's a hurried thing he wants it over as quickly as possible. Time has passed and for the most part he has completely buried those memories. From time to time they tend to trot themselves out in his reviere when he is highly stressed but other than that he has dealt with it to the best of his ability and indeed he has not thought about being molested for several centuries now. And it could have gone on forever like that had Legolas not been raped. Now (though he hides it very well) Soren emotions are all tangled up again. Thranduil seems more concerned over Legolas rape than he ever was over Soren being molested and Soren finds himself resenting Legolas (and more than a wee bit pissed off at his father as well) about this. But he loves Legolas and wants to help him but he can't do that without addresssing his own abuse him when he was younger and this means dredging up old memories he would far prefer to leave buried. Soren would love to cry but there is no one he trusts enough to drop his emotional barriors around and allow them to see that side of himself.
Another reason why I need Soren in my story is because again I am dealing with real men (elves) who have real emotions. I need someone there who understands, but not perfectly, what Legolas went through and to write a story where two brothers had been brutally raped even by fictional stories is pushing the limits of believablity. They did not have counselors in ME back then. So I have to have someone who has been there in some fashion, someone who is close to Legolas. A servant would be out of the question, again bit too convenient to have a female rape victim (or so I think) so I have to have a male.
Well it's time to close down and start restocking my beer cooler. Soren has gotten quiet, I expect he's off somewhere thinking at the moment. When I next write I plan to talk about Torin, Calum and the supernatural element to this story.
Soren is tall, broad across the shoulders and chest, lean and tapered down to his waist. He's a warrior like his father, with long more golden colored hair where Legolas would be wheat colored. He has scars on his body both from training and battle. You can't be safe and be a warrior. He loves and fears his father equally. But beyond the father son thing he knows he is next in line to the throne and this weighs heavily on his shoulders. He is the dutiful responsible first born son. He is a true leader and he has the respect of those who serve under him. In all these millienia he has never taken a mate. Many think he has a secret lover somewhere and he has never disabused anyone of that notion because the realty is Soren is still a virgin. He was molested by one of his father's most trusted advisors when he was just out of his majority but still an elfing by many standards. His father found out about it, sent the advisor away, later the advisor died a hero in battle. His father never addressed what happened to Soren. So Soren was left to sort it out on his own, which he did as best he could just by burying it. He was a king's son and he had higher duties than to his own personal needs. So Soren put it out of his mind and never addressed it again. He never sought out a mate because of his guilt over the death of the adviosor and the belief somehow that this is all his fault that he did something to make the advisor think he wanted that kind of attention. He is not unaware of what goes on between consenting adults, he just wants no part of it after what happened. I do think he masturbates (Soren gets very quiet and turns his back to me when I ask) but finally admits it's almost a guilt thing when he does, it's a hurried thing he wants it over as quickly as possible. Time has passed and for the most part he has completely buried those memories. From time to time they tend to trot themselves out in his reviere when he is highly stressed but other than that he has dealt with it to the best of his ability and indeed he has not thought about being molested for several centuries now. And it could have gone on forever like that had Legolas not been raped. Now (though he hides it very well) Soren emotions are all tangled up again. Thranduil seems more concerned over Legolas rape than he ever was over Soren being molested and Soren finds himself resenting Legolas (and more than a wee bit pissed off at his father as well) about this. But he loves Legolas and wants to help him but he can't do that without addresssing his own abuse him when he was younger and this means dredging up old memories he would far prefer to leave buried. Soren would love to cry but there is no one he trusts enough to drop his emotional barriors around and allow them to see that side of himself.
Another reason why I need Soren in my story is because again I am dealing with real men (elves) who have real emotions. I need someone there who understands, but not perfectly, what Legolas went through and to write a story where two brothers had been brutally raped even by fictional stories is pushing the limits of believablity. They did not have counselors in ME back then. So I have to have someone who has been there in some fashion, someone who is close to Legolas. A servant would be out of the question, again bit too convenient to have a female rape victim (or so I think) so I have to have a male.
Well it's time to close down and start restocking my beer cooler. Soren has gotten quiet, I expect he's off somewhere thinking at the moment. When I next write I plan to talk about Torin, Calum and the supernatural element to this story.