(no subject)
Dear Dr. Doom,
Some time ago I had the genius idea to invest in stocks, specifically stocks in the greatest invention known to man, the Stadium Buddy. This wonderful contraption allows one to enjoy a football game and never have to leave one's seat for such trivial things like going to the bathroom. The device consists of a bag strapped conveniently to the leg which is attached to a tube and a comfort designed cup that fits over your manly parts. What this allows is constant game time. You don't even have to miss the half time show! What my problem is, is that since the economy took a nose dive, people aren't buying the Stadium Buddy. The plethora of Packers fans can barely afford their beer, brats, and cheese much less the convenience of staying in their seat to pee.
I'm loosing tons of money in this investment. What should I do?
Your friend,
Dan Jacoby
Dear Dan Jacoby,
Bah, Doom has once again been sidetracked from his e-mail by the foolish persuits of those that would claim to be his better! If Doom isn't busy fending off Tony Stark's insistence that he register as a superhuman (Doom has suspicions that "register" is actually erotic code), then he is battling evil shape-shifting Skrulls trying to take over the world and replace him. Doom would apologize for the time taken between posts, but you are all beneath Doom and will eventually bow to him as your leader and God.
But Doom digresses, onto the question at hand. First of all Dan Jacoby, the only genius inventions are the ones Doom crafts himself. Your invention is perhaps helpful and surprisingly clever, but never genius. That being said, Doom loves the Stadium Buddy! Perhaps your problem is you limit your marketing to the dull, witless hordes of sportsfans and don't realize the potential for mad scientsts everywhere! Doom doesn't need to watch the Packers (although he feels kinship to them as that half-wit Human Torch has called Doom a packer on many occasions, though Doom suspects he isn't referring to sports) to enjoy the Stadium Buddy. There is a whole range of applications suitable for such a device. Why, just the other week Doom experienced the ultimate pleasure of pummeling that lumbering fool Thing and relieving himself at the same time! Perfect! Doom even got the idea of modifying his Stadium Buddy after watching that dreamy Kevin Costner in the much underappreciated blockbuster hit, Waterworld! Now, Doom shall never thirst for water in a desert. Doom's only complaint is your so-called cup that is supposed to fit over his "manly parts". It is like Doom is stuffing oranges in a sandwich bag! Fix that and all your money problems will be solved Dan Jacoby...until Doom rules the world and takes all your money for himself. By that time you shall be dead, so perhaps it won't matter. Doom will still be enjoying your Stadium Buddy though!
All the best,
Doom
------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Doom is a syndicated advice columnist who holds
Ph.Ds in Engineering, Metaphysical Studies, Economics
as well as a dozen Sciences. His life goals are world
domination, puppy training and proving his vastly
superior intellect over Reed Richards and destroying
the fabled Fantastic Four. For advice on
life, love, money, religion or any other topic of your
choosing, please e-mail Dr. Doom at
questionofdoom@hotmail.com
Some time ago I had the genius idea to invest in stocks, specifically stocks in the greatest invention known to man, the Stadium Buddy. This wonderful contraption allows one to enjoy a football game and never have to leave one's seat for such trivial things like going to the bathroom. The device consists of a bag strapped conveniently to the leg which is attached to a tube and a comfort designed cup that fits over your manly parts. What this allows is constant game time. You don't even have to miss the half time show! What my problem is, is that since the economy took a nose dive, people aren't buying the Stadium Buddy. The plethora of Packers fans can barely afford their beer, brats, and cheese much less the convenience of staying in their seat to pee.
I'm loosing tons of money in this investment. What should I do?
Your friend,
Dan Jacoby
Dear Dan Jacoby,
Bah, Doom has once again been sidetracked from his e-mail by the foolish persuits of those that would claim to be his better! If Doom isn't busy fending off Tony Stark's insistence that he register as a superhuman (Doom has suspicions that "register" is actually erotic code), then he is battling evil shape-shifting Skrulls trying to take over the world and replace him. Doom would apologize for the time taken between posts, but you are all beneath Doom and will eventually bow to him as your leader and God.
But Doom digresses, onto the question at hand. First of all Dan Jacoby, the only genius inventions are the ones Doom crafts himself. Your invention is perhaps helpful and surprisingly clever, but never genius. That being said, Doom loves the Stadium Buddy! Perhaps your problem is you limit your marketing to the dull, witless hordes of sportsfans and don't realize the potential for mad scientsts everywhere! Doom doesn't need to watch the Packers (although he feels kinship to them as that half-wit Human Torch has called Doom a packer on many occasions, though Doom suspects he isn't referring to sports) to enjoy the Stadium Buddy. There is a whole range of applications suitable for such a device. Why, just the other week Doom experienced the ultimate pleasure of pummeling that lumbering fool Thing and relieving himself at the same time! Perfect! Doom even got the idea of modifying his Stadium Buddy after watching that dreamy Kevin Costner in the much underappreciated blockbuster hit, Waterworld! Now, Doom shall never thirst for water in a desert. Doom's only complaint is your so-called cup that is supposed to fit over his "manly parts". It is like Doom is stuffing oranges in a sandwich bag! Fix that and all your money problems will be solved Dan Jacoby...until Doom rules the world and takes all your money for himself. By that time you shall be dead, so perhaps it won't matter. Doom will still be enjoying your Stadium Buddy though!
All the best,
Doom
------------------------------------------------------
Dr. Doom is a syndicated advice columnist who holds
Ph.Ds in Engineering, Metaphysical Studies, Economics
as well as a dozen Sciences. His life goals are world
domination, puppy training and proving his vastly
superior intellect over Reed Richards and destroying
the fabled Fantastic Four. For advice on
life, love, money, religion or any other topic of your
choosing, please e-mail Dr. Doom at
questionofdoom@hotmail.com