I hate this feeling SO much.
I was going to write a post all about how I missed walking around my campus at 2 am (despite how my boy questioned my sanity and feared for my safety). But now, rather than writing the whole long story out about the last time I took a late walk, and how now I feel sad when I think about that night, I will just say this, to the friend that I may have lost for good...
I miss you. You know who you are. We have known each other for as long as both of us can remember and there was a time when I considered you to be my best friend. When we are in sync (which became increasingly rare in the last year), it was good. You used to have the ability to "handle" me like not many others do.
I miss you. We don't talk anymore, and that makes me really sad. You provided a unique perspective in my life that is noticeably absent now. If I could go back and change what happened, I would. I would be nicer to you, and make sure you knew how valuable you were to me.
I miss you BOTH. When I lost my friendship with you, I also lost my friendship with your sister. This one hurts a lot. More than I can really verbalize. I don't have many people whose guidance I trust and to lose her...well, it makes me feel like I'm missing something really important. And it makes me sad.
I love you and your friendship is important to me and you will probably never read this.
What scares me the most out of this, is that I might NEVER feel better. (Thank God for my therapist. She's got a lot of work ahead of her.)
We will probably never be as good of friends as we one were. There's a possibility that my mother is right and I will end up alienating all of my friends and I will die sad and alone. (I'm not actually sure which part of that scares me more; ending up alone, or my mother being right.) I just... I will be sad forever and ever if this can't be fixed. And the way you don't see me when I'm in town, it makes me think that I messed up too badly this time.
*Fuck, now I'm crying.*
I just...I miss you. So very, very, very much.
I miss you. You know who you are. We have known each other for as long as both of us can remember and there was a time when I considered you to be my best friend. When we are in sync (which became increasingly rare in the last year), it was good. You used to have the ability to "handle" me like not many others do.
I miss you. We don't talk anymore, and that makes me really sad. You provided a unique perspective in my life that is noticeably absent now. If I could go back and change what happened, I would. I would be nicer to you, and make sure you knew how valuable you were to me.
I miss you BOTH. When I lost my friendship with you, I also lost my friendship with your sister. This one hurts a lot. More than I can really verbalize. I don't have many people whose guidance I trust and to lose her...well, it makes me feel like I'm missing something really important. And it makes me sad.
I love you and your friendship is important to me and you will probably never read this.
What scares me the most out of this, is that I might NEVER feel better. (Thank God for my therapist. She's got a lot of work ahead of her.)
We will probably never be as good of friends as we one were. There's a possibility that my mother is right and I will end up alienating all of my friends and I will die sad and alone. (I'm not actually sure which part of that scares me more; ending up alone, or my mother being right.) I just... I will be sad forever and ever if this can't be fixed. And the way you don't see me when I'm in town, it makes me think that I messed up too badly this time.
*Fuck, now I'm crying.*
I just...I miss you. So very, very, very much.