(no subject)
so let me see if i can even begin to explain this. i dont really think anyone cares, but i dont care if anyone cares or not. its seriously time for me to grow up. ive been doing something lately that im not too proud of. mostly because im so proud of myself when i dont do it. i think its time to quit that shit again. i want to better myself right now. im still fucking 17 years old. all i did was turn 18 but nothing changed. not at all. my mom still takes me shopping. she still buys food for me to eat, she still gives me money when im low. like seriously, what has changed? nothing. i cant do anything with myself because my wages are now a lot lower than what i was expecting them to be. and i dont think anyone understands how fucking mad that makes me. they fucked me over so bad, and i dont want to lose my job so i cant say anything to them about it. i know i have money coming in every month, but it would be nice to not have to depend on it. since i thought i was getting this fat raise at best buy, i was gonna try and save my money thats coming in every month so that i can later trade in my car and maybe buy a mid size truck. but i dont see that happening now. i would love to get a credit card too. but can i handle it? i dont think i can. i am so fucked up inside my head right now. theres so much shit that goes through it that i seriously just dont understand. im 18 now. its time for me to be 18. that doesnt necessarily mean pack up and move out right away. but if i can stay out as late as i want, and go to work during the day, i want to make something of it and prove that i am worthy of this stuff. im seriously fucked up right now.