Here I Am, Honey (11/12 + Epilogue) - Klaine Dirty Dancing AU
Title: Here I Am, Honey (11/12 + Epilogue)
Rating: I'm going to leave this as R for the duration, unless I need to uptick to NC-17
Pairings: Klaine, background Finchel (with very little focus)
Word Count: 4,346 this chapter / 57,270 overall (so far)
Spoilers: I'll be making nods to canon throughout, so I'll say "all aired" just to be safe, but this is very AU
Warnings: As with the movie, this story does include significant allusions to abortion. Also mild angst and slow burn/buildup.
Previous Chapters: One / Two / Three / Four / Five / Six / Seven / Eight / Nine / Ten
Summary: When Blaine Anderson visits Kellerman's Mountain Home with his family in the summer of 1963, he isn't expecting anything more than days in the sun and games of croquet, but when he and his cousin Rachel meet the staff dance instructors, his plans get thrown for a loop. Blaine's family vacation might just end up being the time of his life. A Klaine Dirty Dancing AU.
Author's Notes: Title from Solomon Burke's "Cry to Me." Many thanks to my wonderful beta shandyall! If you're so inclined, feel free to come say hi on Tumblr over here.
There was a single stunned moment of silence after Rachel’s declaration, and then everything started happening very quickly.
Blaine was interrupted from gaping by Mr. Kellerman’s voice. “Is that something that you’d be willing to swear to, Rachel? To the authorities, if necessary?”
“Yes,” Rachel said, her voice quiet but strong. Hiram huffed and looked away.
“Then I think we should move this discussion to my office,” Mr. Kellerman said. “Follow me, please.”
They all stood, most of them sluggish and moving through shock, Rachel in small, controlled movements. Hiram, however, all but jumped to his feet. “I need to get some air,” he said, steadfastly refusing to look at any one of them until his eyes landed on his wife. “Shelby, you’ll make sure everything is taken care of?”
Shelby nodded, her face solemn. “Of course. Come on, Blaine, Rachel,” she ordered. It was a voice Blaine had heard a hundred times if he’d heard it once, her no-nonsense voice, her sit up straight voice and don’t lift your chin when you sing, Blaine, try it again. Just like it had those hundred times before, it spurred him into action, and he straightened his spine and followed the short, strange procession out of the room. Mr. Kellerman led them down a hallway and up a set of stairs, then into a large office that should have been lovely with its view out a large window overlooking the lake. Instead, it was messy and stuffy and smelled like stale food. There were two chairs opposite a huge wooden desk; Blaine let Rachel and Shelby have them, choosing instead to lean against the wall while Jacob hovered behind his uncle’s shoulder, looking green around the gills.
Mr. Kellerman pulled out a notepad and started asking Rachel questions. Thankfully, he didn’t have any reason to go into great detail about the night before - he asked Rachel when she’d arrived at Finn’s cabin (it can’t have been any earlier than eleven) and when she’d left (just after sunrise). She confirmed that Finn hadn’t left the room the entire time she was there. Then Mr. Kellerman mentioned Kurt, and Blaine’s ears perked up.
“He was there when I arrived, but he left to give us some privacy so that we could, um, talk,” Rachel explained, pinking a bit. “He didn’t come back.”
He came to see me, Blaine realized, remembering Kurt’s unexpected appearance on the lawn, the way he’d been just a little cagey about telling Blaine why he was there. It made Blaine uneasy now, the sudden understanding that Kurt had known where Rachel was the whole time, and he didn’t know what to think about it. Of course, it wasn’t Kurt’s responsibility to look out for Rachel, and he might have thought that it wasn’t his place to interfere.
When he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand, Mr. Kellerman had moved on to questioning Rachel about the day that she and Blaine had helped Mrs. Schumacher pick up her collection of wallets. She answered everything honestly, and Blaine related what he remembered too, deciding that there was no harm in telling the truth.
After Blaine had finished sharing his recollection of the contents of Mrs. Schumacher’s purse, Mr. Kellerman ushered them all into the hallway. “I need to speak to Jacob for a few minutes, and I’m going to type up a few notes, which I’d like you to review and sign. You can wait in the office across the hall, if you’d like.”
Rachel hurried gratefully from the room and beelined into the empty office, collapsing into a chair. Blaine joined her, but Shelby lingered in the doorway. “I’m going to go see if I can find a glass of water for us to drink,” she said. “I think it would do us all good. You’ll wait here?”
Blaine replied when Rachel stayed silent. “We will.”
Shelby hesitated again before leaving. “Rachel,” she finally said, waiting until she raised her head. “You’re doing the right thing.”
Rachel nodded sadly. “Thanks, Mom,” she whispered. Shelby gave her a wan smile and left.
As soon as they were alone, Rachel dropped her elbows to her knees and buried her face in her hands. “This is a nightmare,” she moaned.
Blaine reached over to give her shoulder a brief squeeze. “Shelby’s right. It’s a good thing you’re doing. You could have kept it to yourself and let them blame Finn.”
That brought Rachel’s head up abruptly. “I would never do that! I couldn’t. Not to him,” she declared before slumping back down in her seat. “Daddy is never going to speak to me again.”
“Of course he will,” Blaine reassured her. “He just needs a little time to get over the shock.”
“He will,” Rachel said, “because I’m going to talk to him, so he won’t have any choice.” Blaine smiled a little - that sounded more like the Rachel he was used to. She was watching him carefully. “You’re talking to me,” she observed.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Aren’t you mad at me?” she asked, her voice shrinking a bit.
Blaine sighed. “I’m not mad, exactly.” He was surprised to find that I was true. Knowing that Rachel had spent the night with Finn seemed far less dreadful when compared to the prospect of her choosing Noah instead. Besides, Blaine didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore when it came to the argument of chastity. “But I am confused,” he continued. “Rachel, yesterday afternoon you were talking about Noah. What happened?”
Rachel dropped her gaze back to her hands, which started twisting together. “Well - you remember what I said I was going to do?”
“Yes,” Blaine said, unable to keep the frown from his face or his voice.
“I thought I was still - going to do that,” she admitted. “I got all dolled up and I snuck out as soon as everyone went to bed. I - oh, I’m so stupid.”
And Blaine couldn’t have her saying that, even if he wasn’t completely in disagreement. “Rachel, it’s not stupid to -”
“No,” she interrupted. “I don’t mean…” She took a deep breath. “I went all the way up to the door of his cabin. I knocked, and there was no answer. So I went to open the door. There was a towel on the handle, but I didn’t know what it meant, and when I opened it…” She scrunched up her face. “He wasn’t alone. Terri Schuester was there. In his bed. With him.”
Blaine blanched. “Oh.”
“I didn’t know what to do. So I just - closed the door and ran. To Finn’s cabin.”
“Oh,” Blaine repeated.
“I never really cared about Noah,” she continued. “I think I was just trying to make myself feel better. Or make Finn jealous. Or both.”
“Rachel…” Blaine began, but he was interrupted by Shelby reappearing at the door, carrying two glasses, which effectively ended their conversation. They split the water between them while waiting in silence. It wasn’t long before Mr. Kellerman emerged. He shooed Jacob away down the hall on an errand and invited Blaine and Rachel back into his office, presenting each of them with a typewritten page to review and sign.
While Blaine scrawled across the bottom of his statement, Mr. Kellerman cleared his throat and spoke up. “Rachel, I’m afraid that in light of recent developments, I must ask you to step down from your spot in the talent show.”
Blaine glanced up to find Rachel eying Mr. Kellerman coolly. “Oh, that’s a relief,” she said. “I was going to ask Jacob if I could be replaced with my understudy. I just can’t seem to shake this hay fever.”
“Good, then it’s all settled,” Mr. Kellerman replied. Blaine couldn’t help but bite back a grin as he shoved his signed paper back across the desk. A few minutes later, his family was back out in the hall while Mr. Kellerman closed his door with a heavy finality.
Once they were dismissed, Rachel turned to the others. “I’m going to go find Daddy,” she announced, tipping her chin up. She accepted hugs from them both and then marched down the hall, looking tired but defiant.
“What about you, sweetheart?” Shelby asked. “Do you want to go back to the cabin?”
Blaine shook his head. “No, I think I’m going to take a walk. Clear my head.”
“All right,” Shelby said. She hugged him too and even kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you later,” he said.
He had to find Kurt.
- / / -
Moving as fast as he could without arousing suspicion, Blaine looked everywhere he could think of - the dance studio, Kurt’s cabin, and Quinn’s room - but Kurt wasn’t in any of them. He inquired with a few other members of the staff, and he even went to the main staff cabin, but it was completely empty. Frustrated, he flopped down on a couch, trying to figure out where else he could check.
Blaine didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing he knew, he was slumped over the arm of the couch and Kurt was shaking him awake, exclaiming, “Blaine! I have been looking for you everywhere.”
“What?” Blaine asked groggily. He couldn’t even remember closing his eyes, but it was true that he hadn’t been getting enough sleep lately. He shook his head a little. “Kurt! Did they -”
“They arrested the Schumachers,” Kurt interrupted him. “They fingerprinted their water glasses, and it turns out they’re wanted in three states. They made a killing here this summer.”
“That’s great!” Blaine said as he pushed himself to his feet. “That’s…” His words died in his throat as Kurt stepped back, avoiding the hand that Blaine put out to reach for him. It was then that he noticed then the way that Kurt was standing, his arms clutched across his stomach, his head and his eyes turned down and away.
“We’re out, Blaine,” he said quietly.
“…out?” Blaine asked.
“Finn was fired.”
The words hung heavily in the air; Blaine couldn’t take them in because they made no sense. If they had proved that Finn didn’t steal the wallet, then Mr. Kellerman would have no reason to - unless - “They fired him anyway because of Rachel,” Blaine surmised.
“And if we leave quietly, we’ll still get our summer bonus,” Kurt said sourly. “It’s really me he wants to get rid of, and I guess he finally found a way to do it. There’s no way I’m sticking around if Finn isn’t here.”
The words hit Blaine like a slap, and he couldn’t help the little voice inside him that asked not even if I’m here? But that wasn’t fair. Blaine would be gone by the end of the week, and Kurt hated Kellerman’s. Of course he wouldn’t hang around for the rest of the summer. “When are you leaving?” Blaine asked, his voice coming out pinched.
“This afternoon.”
It was another blow. “So soon?” Blaine gasped.
“Soon?” Kurt sounded incredulous. “We’re lucky he gave us time to pack.”
“So…” Blaine said dully. “This is it.” He’d tried so hard to stop counting, because he didn’t want to think about how many days there were until the last time - the last touch, the last kiss, the last words they exchanged - but it didn’t matter. This was the last time. In so many ways, the last time had already happened.
“This is it,” Kurt confirmed.
Blaine felt numb, inside and out, like the moment between being burned and feeling the sting. He looked across at Kurt, still there, but already partially gone, not touching him and retreating back behind walls that Blaine hadn’t seen in weeks. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t do that. Blaine still had so many things to say, so many thoughts and feelings that he didn’t know how to put into words yet. He wanted to tell Kurt how much this meant, that knowing him was one of the most important good things that had ever happened to him, he wanted to ask Kurt if he ever still thought about moving to New York, or if he always thought that this would just end. “But… there are so many things I wanted to talk to you about,” he finally said, the words not adequate.
Even so, they seemed to have some impact. Kurt sighed and his face started to soften, taking on a look that was more pained than distant. “I know.”
Because there was no time left anymore, none at all, Blaine blurted out, “I wanted to talk to you about New York.”
“Blaine…” Kurt said, shifting on his feet. “New York is just - a pipe dream for me now.”
“But why?” Blaine breathed. He was almost whining, but he couldn’t make himself stop.
“My family, Blaine… I can’t…” Kurt took a deep breath. “I work at my dad’s garage when I’m at home, and I pick up odd jobs on the side. And when I’m not there, I send as much money as I can back home. We both do. But there wasn’t as much money to send this summer, because of Quinn. I need to make up for it somehow.”
“So, they have jobs in New York. Probably lots of them. And for someone who can sing and dance…” Blaine felt reckless and desperate, but he couldn’t keep talking when Kurt looked like that - like every word out of Blaine’s mouth hurt him more than the last.
Kurt reached up and briefly touched his face, his hair, his neck, looking everywhere but at Blaine. “I can’t just make a decision like that. Not just - out of the blue, while I’m just standing here. I would need time…”
Time - the thing that they didn’t have, only a few precious minutes like pearls, and Blaine didn’t want to spend them making Kurt feel any more miserable. He took a deep breath, feeling it shudder and catch as he relented. “Let me know if you ever do?” For four years at least, Kurt would know where to find him. His eyes stung.
“Of course,” Kurt said softly. “If you think you would still want to know.”
“I will.”
Their eyes met then, finally locked and held, and Blaine tossed himself forward. Kurt met him, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s shoulders while Blaine tucked his face in against Kurt’s neck and started to cry. He wanted to remember everything, and he cataloged it as rapidly as he could - the way Kurt smelled and the perfect way he fit into all of Kurt’s hollows, the curve of his cheek against the place where Kurt’s neck met his shoulder, his arms around the dips of Kurt’s waist. He tried to lock it all into memory as tightly as he held on, like he was trying to squeeze Kurt’s breath out. The worst part was knowing that it would fade, no matter how hard he tried to hold tight, just like the exact sound of his mother’s laugh and his father’s voice.
Blaine kept his arms wrapped around Kurt as he pulled back to put his hands on Blaine’s wet face and bring their mouths together for one last kiss, hard and longing. Blaine responded with abandon, with fervor, because there was no use in holding anything back. There was nothing to save it for.
When Kurt broke away, he moved his hands to Blaine’s shoulders, gently pushing him back to arm’s length. His eyes were downcast, his cheeks pink. “Get Rachel,” he said, his voice thin. “Bring her to the staff parking lot in an hour.”
He tried to leave, but Blaine caught one of his elbows and dragged him back, kissing him again with a hand around the back of his neck, because this really was the very last time - the last kiss and the last time he would ever see Kurt alone.
Then Kurt made a choking noise and wrenched himself back. Blaine caught one glimpse of his tortured face before he spun, wrapping his arms tight around his middle and walking away fast.
Blaine’s hands dropped back to his sides. The door swung shut and he was alone.
- / / -
After Kurt left, Blaine stayed in the staff cabin for several minutes, trying to compose himself. He stood where Kurt had left him, almost motionless from shock except for the way the muscles in his face were twitching and working, but everything inside him was whirling, rushing, even screaming. He was surprised to find that there was a vast difference between standing on the edge of a cliff and knowing that you had to jump off and being shoved unsuspectingly over the edge, freefalling before you even realized your feet had left the ground.
It was hard to leave, knowing that everything was different on the other side of the door. Logically, he knew it wasn’t really, but he wouldn’t have been at all surprised to walk outside and find something drastic - the trees all burned down or a wrong-colored sky. When all he saw was the same vibrant blue and lush greenery he’d left, it somehow made everything worse. Because that meant the change was just inside himself.
Blaine struggled to keep a neutral expression as he stumbled his way back to the Berrys’ cabin. When he was still several yards away, he was shocked to see Finn mounting the porch steps. Blaine hurried over, but before he got close enough to say anything, Finn was knocking at the door. It swung open to reveal Hiram, his face calm and set, his eyes furious.
“Dr. Berry, can I, uh - I’m going anyway, so I just wanted to -” Finn started, reaching up with one hand to absently rub the back of his neck as he shied back a little in the face of Hiram’s anger. “I know what you must be thinking.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Hiram said evenly.
“I know that you love Rachel,” Finn said, “and that you want her to be happy. And successful.”
“Neither of which she will be if she spends time associating with people like you.”
Blaine saw clearly the moment when Finn started to bristle. “Like me?” he challenged.
“The kind of person who got his partner in trouble,” Hiram explained, his voice hard as the face of a stone cliff. “And then sent her off to a butcher while he moved on to an innocent girl.”
Blaine inhaled sharply, his eyes flying back to Finn to see how he’d react, ready to charge up onto the porch between them if need be.
But instead of retaliating, Finn seemed to deflate. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess that’s what you would see.” He jammed his sunglasses back onto his face and turned away without another word, barely glancing over when he passed the spot where Blaine stood frozen in the yard. Blaine stared after him for a moment and then rushed to the cabin. When he pulled open the door, Hiram was disappearing into his room and Rachel was standing near the rocking chair, wringing her hands.
“Blaine, what’s happening?” she whispered.
Blaine glanced over at Hiram’s closed door and spoke loudly. “Why don’t we take a walk down to the lake? I’ll explain everything.”
Rachel looked confused and scared, and Blaine wished that he didn’t have to be the one to tell her. He wanted to just wrap an arm around her shoulders and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but not a single thing felt okay to him. He knew that she was going to be every bit as heartbroken as he was, whether it was fair or not.
Outside, Blaine first steered Rachel in the direction of the lake, just in case Hiram was watching and because they had some time before they needed to meet the others. Rachel pounced on him immediately. “Blaine, what’s going on? You disappeared and Daddy just kept telling me not to worry, that everything was taken care of.”
Blaine took a deep breath. He held out his arm to Rachel, and when she took it, he folded his hand over hers. “Mr. Kellerman fired Finn,” he said. “He has to leave this afternoon, and Kurt is going with him.” His voice started to waver on Kurt’s name, but he forced himself to keep going. “I would imagine that Quinn is leaving too. Finn wants to meet you in the staff parking lot to say good-bye.”
Rachel stopped walking, tugging Blaine’s arm to keep him in place. “They’re leaving?” she whispered, staring up at him with huge eyes that grew shiny as he watched. “Today? Now?”
Feeling an answering prickle behind his own eyes, Blaine started walking again so that he could turn his face away. “Come on,” he said quietly. “We don’t want Hiram to be suspicious. And yes, they are, so we have to go say good-bye.”
As they continued toward the lake, Rachel tucked herself in tight beside him, her head bowed and her hand tight on the inside of his elbow. Blaine kept himself stoic, but he squeezed her hand tight in between his arm and his side, trying to comfort the both of them. They walked all the way to the edge of the beach, along its edge, and then Blaine turned them toward the staff area.
Rachel detached herself from Blaine as soon as they reached the parking lot, running across the last few steps that separated her from Finn, launching herself into his arms, and burying her face in his shirt. Blaine looked away, trying to give them some privacy and purposefully turning in the opposite direction from where Kurt was standing. He started out staring at the ground, but raised his head after a moment to the bright afternoon sky, with the thought that he could blame any irritation in his eyes on the sun.
He was startled to hear footsteps moving in his direction, and looked back down to see Quinn, squinting and smiling. “Hey,” she said.
Blaine forced the corner of his lips up, hoping it didn’t look too much like a grimace. “Hi. So, you’re taking off too?” he asked, even though the answer was obvious.
Quinn glanced over her shoulder, and then back. “These guys are my family now.”
“I’m glad you all have each other,” Blaine said honestly, and he really was - he just wished that he had them too.
“I’m glad that I got a chance to get to know you,” Quinn responded. “And I can never thank you enough.”
Blaine shook his head. “Please don’t thank me for that. I had no idea -”
“Blaine,” she interjected. “We’ve been over that. I know. So let me thank you for doing the brave thing and getting your uncle to help me. Without him, I don’t know what would have happened.” Her eyes were a little misty when she finished speaking, and Blaine had all the excuse he would need for his eyes to be damp.
“In that case, you’re welcome,” he said, and Quinn stepped forward to hug him.
“Good luck in New York,” she whispered in his ear.
He squeezed a little tighter. “Thanks. I’m glad I got to know you too.”
Quinn pulled back and raised one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. “I think I need to go sit down. I keep thinking I’m completely better, but then I spend an hour lugging suitcases around on a hot day and I realize it’s not quite true.”
“Well, I hope you feel completely better soon.”
“Oh, you can’t keep me down for long,” she said confidently. “Bye, Blaine.”
Blaine smiled at her, and found that it was genuine, though small. “Good-bye, Quinn.”
She returned to the car, where Kurt held the door open as she crawled into the back seat. He shut it gently while she settled in, and then turned to look at Blaine, who dropped his gaze immediately back down to the dirt. Kurt approached him slowly, stopping only when they stood side by side, facing the trees instead of Finn and Rachel or each other.
There was a long moment of silence, and everything faded to the background except the warm weight of the sun on his shoulders, the gentle way the breeze moved the tree limbs, and the knowledge that Kurt was there, right beside him, close enough to touch but completely untouchable, and thinking of him too. Blaine sucked in deep breath and said, “I’ll never regret it.”
Out of the corner of his vision, he saw the corner of Kurt’s mouth turn up. “Me neither.”
Blaine turned his face toward Kurt then, his eyes filling as Kurt looked back. He thought that Kurt’s eyes looked unnaturally bright too, and they stared until they couldn’t anymore, and Kurt had to turn away, walk back to the car. Blaine turned back to the trees, allowing his face to fall, just for a second, closing his eyes and tracing over the lines of Kurt’s face again and again, etching them in deep. He didn’t even have a photograph.
The sound of a car door opening made him turn. Kurt was poised to climb into the passenger seat. He said something quietly to Finn, who was still petting Rachel’s back and kissing her forehead, and then he looked across the top of the car at Blaine. His mouth twitched like he was trying to smile, but all too quickly, he ducked inside the car and was gone. Finn disengaged from Rachel and climbed behind the wheel.
Rachel hurried to Blaine, her face blotchy and damp as she latched her arms around his middle, still facing the car as it roared to life. Blaine squeezed her shoulders, which shook under his hand. They stood together as the car pulled out of the parking lot, trailing dust, watching until it disappeared behind the trees and all the dirt had blown away or settled back to the ground, Rachel weeping openly and Blaine’s face so frozen in place that he felt like it would crack.
Chapter Note:
Rating: I'm going to leave this as R for the duration, unless I need to uptick to NC-17
Pairings: Klaine, background Finchel (with very little focus)
Word Count: 4,346 this chapter / 57,270 overall (so far)
Spoilers: I'll be making nods to canon throughout, so I'll say "all aired" just to be safe, but this is very AU
Warnings: As with the movie, this story does include significant allusions to abortion. Also mild angst and slow burn/buildup.
Previous Chapters: One / Two / Three / Four / Five / Six / Seven / Eight / Nine / Ten
Summary: When Blaine Anderson visits Kellerman's Mountain Home with his family in the summer of 1963, he isn't expecting anything more than days in the sun and games of croquet, but when he and his cousin Rachel meet the staff dance instructors, his plans get thrown for a loop. Blaine's family vacation might just end up being the time of his life. A Klaine Dirty Dancing AU.
Author's Notes: Title from Solomon Burke's "Cry to Me." Many thanks to my wonderful beta shandyall! If you're so inclined, feel free to come say hi on Tumblr over here.
There was a single stunned moment of silence after Rachel’s declaration, and then everything started happening very quickly.
Blaine was interrupted from gaping by Mr. Kellerman’s voice. “Is that something that you’d be willing to swear to, Rachel? To the authorities, if necessary?”
“Yes,” Rachel said, her voice quiet but strong. Hiram huffed and looked away.
“Then I think we should move this discussion to my office,” Mr. Kellerman said. “Follow me, please.”
They all stood, most of them sluggish and moving through shock, Rachel in small, controlled movements. Hiram, however, all but jumped to his feet. “I need to get some air,” he said, steadfastly refusing to look at any one of them until his eyes landed on his wife. “Shelby, you’ll make sure everything is taken care of?”
Shelby nodded, her face solemn. “Of course. Come on, Blaine, Rachel,” she ordered. It was a voice Blaine had heard a hundred times if he’d heard it once, her no-nonsense voice, her sit up straight voice and don’t lift your chin when you sing, Blaine, try it again. Just like it had those hundred times before, it spurred him into action, and he straightened his spine and followed the short, strange procession out of the room. Mr. Kellerman led them down a hallway and up a set of stairs, then into a large office that should have been lovely with its view out a large window overlooking the lake. Instead, it was messy and stuffy and smelled like stale food. There were two chairs opposite a huge wooden desk; Blaine let Rachel and Shelby have them, choosing instead to lean against the wall while Jacob hovered behind his uncle’s shoulder, looking green around the gills.
Mr. Kellerman pulled out a notepad and started asking Rachel questions. Thankfully, he didn’t have any reason to go into great detail about the night before - he asked Rachel when she’d arrived at Finn’s cabin (it can’t have been any earlier than eleven) and when she’d left (just after sunrise). She confirmed that Finn hadn’t left the room the entire time she was there. Then Mr. Kellerman mentioned Kurt, and Blaine’s ears perked up.
“He was there when I arrived, but he left to give us some privacy so that we could, um, talk,” Rachel explained, pinking a bit. “He didn’t come back.”
He came to see me, Blaine realized, remembering Kurt’s unexpected appearance on the lawn, the way he’d been just a little cagey about telling Blaine why he was there. It made Blaine uneasy now, the sudden understanding that Kurt had known where Rachel was the whole time, and he didn’t know what to think about it. Of course, it wasn’t Kurt’s responsibility to look out for Rachel, and he might have thought that it wasn’t his place to interfere.
When he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand, Mr. Kellerman had moved on to questioning Rachel about the day that she and Blaine had helped Mrs. Schumacher pick up her collection of wallets. She answered everything honestly, and Blaine related what he remembered too, deciding that there was no harm in telling the truth.
After Blaine had finished sharing his recollection of the contents of Mrs. Schumacher’s purse, Mr. Kellerman ushered them all into the hallway. “I need to speak to Jacob for a few minutes, and I’m going to type up a few notes, which I’d like you to review and sign. You can wait in the office across the hall, if you’d like.”
Rachel hurried gratefully from the room and beelined into the empty office, collapsing into a chair. Blaine joined her, but Shelby lingered in the doorway. “I’m going to go see if I can find a glass of water for us to drink,” she said. “I think it would do us all good. You’ll wait here?”
Blaine replied when Rachel stayed silent. “We will.”
Shelby hesitated again before leaving. “Rachel,” she finally said, waiting until she raised her head. “You’re doing the right thing.”
Rachel nodded sadly. “Thanks, Mom,” she whispered. Shelby gave her a wan smile and left.
As soon as they were alone, Rachel dropped her elbows to her knees and buried her face in her hands. “This is a nightmare,” she moaned.
Blaine reached over to give her shoulder a brief squeeze. “Shelby’s right. It’s a good thing you’re doing. You could have kept it to yourself and let them blame Finn.”
That brought Rachel’s head up abruptly. “I would never do that! I couldn’t. Not to him,” she declared before slumping back down in her seat. “Daddy is never going to speak to me again.”
“Of course he will,” Blaine reassured her. “He just needs a little time to get over the shock.”
“He will,” Rachel said, “because I’m going to talk to him, so he won’t have any choice.” Blaine smiled a little - that sounded more like the Rachel he was used to. She was watching him carefully. “You’re talking to me,” she observed.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Aren’t you mad at me?” she asked, her voice shrinking a bit.
Blaine sighed. “I’m not mad, exactly.” He was surprised to find that I was true. Knowing that Rachel had spent the night with Finn seemed far less dreadful when compared to the prospect of her choosing Noah instead. Besides, Blaine didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore when it came to the argument of chastity. “But I am confused,” he continued. “Rachel, yesterday afternoon you were talking about Noah. What happened?”
Rachel dropped her gaze back to her hands, which started twisting together. “Well - you remember what I said I was going to do?”
“Yes,” Blaine said, unable to keep the frown from his face or his voice.
“I thought I was still - going to do that,” she admitted. “I got all dolled up and I snuck out as soon as everyone went to bed. I - oh, I’m so stupid.”
And Blaine couldn’t have her saying that, even if he wasn’t completely in disagreement. “Rachel, it’s not stupid to -”
“No,” she interrupted. “I don’t mean…” She took a deep breath. “I went all the way up to the door of his cabin. I knocked, and there was no answer. So I went to open the door. There was a towel on the handle, but I didn’t know what it meant, and when I opened it…” She scrunched up her face. “He wasn’t alone. Terri Schuester was there. In his bed. With him.”
Blaine blanched. “Oh.”
“I didn’t know what to do. So I just - closed the door and ran. To Finn’s cabin.”
“Oh,” Blaine repeated.
“I never really cared about Noah,” she continued. “I think I was just trying to make myself feel better. Or make Finn jealous. Or both.”
“Rachel…” Blaine began, but he was interrupted by Shelby reappearing at the door, carrying two glasses, which effectively ended their conversation. They split the water between them while waiting in silence. It wasn’t long before Mr. Kellerman emerged. He shooed Jacob away down the hall on an errand and invited Blaine and Rachel back into his office, presenting each of them with a typewritten page to review and sign.
While Blaine scrawled across the bottom of his statement, Mr. Kellerman cleared his throat and spoke up. “Rachel, I’m afraid that in light of recent developments, I must ask you to step down from your spot in the talent show.”
Blaine glanced up to find Rachel eying Mr. Kellerman coolly. “Oh, that’s a relief,” she said. “I was going to ask Jacob if I could be replaced with my understudy. I just can’t seem to shake this hay fever.”
“Good, then it’s all settled,” Mr. Kellerman replied. Blaine couldn’t help but bite back a grin as he shoved his signed paper back across the desk. A few minutes later, his family was back out in the hall while Mr. Kellerman closed his door with a heavy finality.
Once they were dismissed, Rachel turned to the others. “I’m going to go find Daddy,” she announced, tipping her chin up. She accepted hugs from them both and then marched down the hall, looking tired but defiant.
“What about you, sweetheart?” Shelby asked. “Do you want to go back to the cabin?”
Blaine shook his head. “No, I think I’m going to take a walk. Clear my head.”
“All right,” Shelby said. She hugged him too and even kissed his cheek. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you later,” he said.
He had to find Kurt.
- / / -
Moving as fast as he could without arousing suspicion, Blaine looked everywhere he could think of - the dance studio, Kurt’s cabin, and Quinn’s room - but Kurt wasn’t in any of them. He inquired with a few other members of the staff, and he even went to the main staff cabin, but it was completely empty. Frustrated, he flopped down on a couch, trying to figure out where else he could check.
Blaine didn’t remember falling asleep, but the next thing he knew, he was slumped over the arm of the couch and Kurt was shaking him awake, exclaiming, “Blaine! I have been looking for you everywhere.”
“What?” Blaine asked groggily. He couldn’t even remember closing his eyes, but it was true that he hadn’t been getting enough sleep lately. He shook his head a little. “Kurt! Did they -”
“They arrested the Schumachers,” Kurt interrupted him. “They fingerprinted their water glasses, and it turns out they’re wanted in three states. They made a killing here this summer.”
“That’s great!” Blaine said as he pushed himself to his feet. “That’s…” His words died in his throat as Kurt stepped back, avoiding the hand that Blaine put out to reach for him. It was then that he noticed then the way that Kurt was standing, his arms clutched across his stomach, his head and his eyes turned down and away.
“We’re out, Blaine,” he said quietly.
“…out?” Blaine asked.
“Finn was fired.”
The words hung heavily in the air; Blaine couldn’t take them in because they made no sense. If they had proved that Finn didn’t steal the wallet, then Mr. Kellerman would have no reason to - unless - “They fired him anyway because of Rachel,” Blaine surmised.
“And if we leave quietly, we’ll still get our summer bonus,” Kurt said sourly. “It’s really me he wants to get rid of, and I guess he finally found a way to do it. There’s no way I’m sticking around if Finn isn’t here.”
The words hit Blaine like a slap, and he couldn’t help the little voice inside him that asked not even if I’m here? But that wasn’t fair. Blaine would be gone by the end of the week, and Kurt hated Kellerman’s. Of course he wouldn’t hang around for the rest of the summer. “When are you leaving?” Blaine asked, his voice coming out pinched.
“This afternoon.”
It was another blow. “So soon?” Blaine gasped.
“Soon?” Kurt sounded incredulous. “We’re lucky he gave us time to pack.”
“So…” Blaine said dully. “This is it.” He’d tried so hard to stop counting, because he didn’t want to think about how many days there were until the last time - the last touch, the last kiss, the last words they exchanged - but it didn’t matter. This was the last time. In so many ways, the last time had already happened.
“This is it,” Kurt confirmed.
Blaine felt numb, inside and out, like the moment between being burned and feeling the sting. He looked across at Kurt, still there, but already partially gone, not touching him and retreating back behind walls that Blaine hadn’t seen in weeks. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t do that. Blaine still had so many things to say, so many thoughts and feelings that he didn’t know how to put into words yet. He wanted to tell Kurt how much this meant, that knowing him was one of the most important good things that had ever happened to him, he wanted to ask Kurt if he ever still thought about moving to New York, or if he always thought that this would just end. “But… there are so many things I wanted to talk to you about,” he finally said, the words not adequate.
Even so, they seemed to have some impact. Kurt sighed and his face started to soften, taking on a look that was more pained than distant. “I know.”
Because there was no time left anymore, none at all, Blaine blurted out, “I wanted to talk to you about New York.”
“Blaine…” Kurt said, shifting on his feet. “New York is just - a pipe dream for me now.”
“But why?” Blaine breathed. He was almost whining, but he couldn’t make himself stop.
“My family, Blaine… I can’t…” Kurt took a deep breath. “I work at my dad’s garage when I’m at home, and I pick up odd jobs on the side. And when I’m not there, I send as much money as I can back home. We both do. But there wasn’t as much money to send this summer, because of Quinn. I need to make up for it somehow.”
“So, they have jobs in New York. Probably lots of them. And for someone who can sing and dance…” Blaine felt reckless and desperate, but he couldn’t keep talking when Kurt looked like that - like every word out of Blaine’s mouth hurt him more than the last.
Kurt reached up and briefly touched his face, his hair, his neck, looking everywhere but at Blaine. “I can’t just make a decision like that. Not just - out of the blue, while I’m just standing here. I would need time…”
Time - the thing that they didn’t have, only a few precious minutes like pearls, and Blaine didn’t want to spend them making Kurt feel any more miserable. He took a deep breath, feeling it shudder and catch as he relented. “Let me know if you ever do?” For four years at least, Kurt would know where to find him. His eyes stung.
“Of course,” Kurt said softly. “If you think you would still want to know.”
“I will.”
Their eyes met then, finally locked and held, and Blaine tossed himself forward. Kurt met him, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s shoulders while Blaine tucked his face in against Kurt’s neck and started to cry. He wanted to remember everything, and he cataloged it as rapidly as he could - the way Kurt smelled and the perfect way he fit into all of Kurt’s hollows, the curve of his cheek against the place where Kurt’s neck met his shoulder, his arms around the dips of Kurt’s waist. He tried to lock it all into memory as tightly as he held on, like he was trying to squeeze Kurt’s breath out. The worst part was knowing that it would fade, no matter how hard he tried to hold tight, just like the exact sound of his mother’s laugh and his father’s voice.
Blaine kept his arms wrapped around Kurt as he pulled back to put his hands on Blaine’s wet face and bring their mouths together for one last kiss, hard and longing. Blaine responded with abandon, with fervor, because there was no use in holding anything back. There was nothing to save it for.
When Kurt broke away, he moved his hands to Blaine’s shoulders, gently pushing him back to arm’s length. His eyes were downcast, his cheeks pink. “Get Rachel,” he said, his voice thin. “Bring her to the staff parking lot in an hour.”
He tried to leave, but Blaine caught one of his elbows and dragged him back, kissing him again with a hand around the back of his neck, because this really was the very last time - the last kiss and the last time he would ever see Kurt alone.
Then Kurt made a choking noise and wrenched himself back. Blaine caught one glimpse of his tortured face before he spun, wrapping his arms tight around his middle and walking away fast.
Blaine’s hands dropped back to his sides. The door swung shut and he was alone.
- / / -
After Kurt left, Blaine stayed in the staff cabin for several minutes, trying to compose himself. He stood where Kurt had left him, almost motionless from shock except for the way the muscles in his face were twitching and working, but everything inside him was whirling, rushing, even screaming. He was surprised to find that there was a vast difference between standing on the edge of a cliff and knowing that you had to jump off and being shoved unsuspectingly over the edge, freefalling before you even realized your feet had left the ground.
It was hard to leave, knowing that everything was different on the other side of the door. Logically, he knew it wasn’t really, but he wouldn’t have been at all surprised to walk outside and find something drastic - the trees all burned down or a wrong-colored sky. When all he saw was the same vibrant blue and lush greenery he’d left, it somehow made everything worse. Because that meant the change was just inside himself.
Blaine struggled to keep a neutral expression as he stumbled his way back to the Berrys’ cabin. When he was still several yards away, he was shocked to see Finn mounting the porch steps. Blaine hurried over, but before he got close enough to say anything, Finn was knocking at the door. It swung open to reveal Hiram, his face calm and set, his eyes furious.
“Dr. Berry, can I, uh - I’m going anyway, so I just wanted to -” Finn started, reaching up with one hand to absently rub the back of his neck as he shied back a little in the face of Hiram’s anger. “I know what you must be thinking.”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Hiram said evenly.
“I know that you love Rachel,” Finn said, “and that you want her to be happy. And successful.”
“Neither of which she will be if she spends time associating with people like you.”
Blaine saw clearly the moment when Finn started to bristle. “Like me?” he challenged.
“The kind of person who got his partner in trouble,” Hiram explained, his voice hard as the face of a stone cliff. “And then sent her off to a butcher while he moved on to an innocent girl.”
Blaine inhaled sharply, his eyes flying back to Finn to see how he’d react, ready to charge up onto the porch between them if need be.
But instead of retaliating, Finn seemed to deflate. “Yeah,” he said. “I guess that’s what you would see.” He jammed his sunglasses back onto his face and turned away without another word, barely glancing over when he passed the spot where Blaine stood frozen in the yard. Blaine stared after him for a moment and then rushed to the cabin. When he pulled open the door, Hiram was disappearing into his room and Rachel was standing near the rocking chair, wringing her hands.
“Blaine, what’s happening?” she whispered.
Blaine glanced over at Hiram’s closed door and spoke loudly. “Why don’t we take a walk down to the lake? I’ll explain everything.”
Rachel looked confused and scared, and Blaine wished that he didn’t have to be the one to tell her. He wanted to just wrap an arm around her shoulders and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but not a single thing felt okay to him. He knew that she was going to be every bit as heartbroken as he was, whether it was fair or not.
Outside, Blaine first steered Rachel in the direction of the lake, just in case Hiram was watching and because they had some time before they needed to meet the others. Rachel pounced on him immediately. “Blaine, what’s going on? You disappeared and Daddy just kept telling me not to worry, that everything was taken care of.”
Blaine took a deep breath. He held out his arm to Rachel, and when she took it, he folded his hand over hers. “Mr. Kellerman fired Finn,” he said. “He has to leave this afternoon, and Kurt is going with him.” His voice started to waver on Kurt’s name, but he forced himself to keep going. “I would imagine that Quinn is leaving too. Finn wants to meet you in the staff parking lot to say good-bye.”
Rachel stopped walking, tugging Blaine’s arm to keep him in place. “They’re leaving?” she whispered, staring up at him with huge eyes that grew shiny as he watched. “Today? Now?”
Feeling an answering prickle behind his own eyes, Blaine started walking again so that he could turn his face away. “Come on,” he said quietly. “We don’t want Hiram to be suspicious. And yes, they are, so we have to go say good-bye.”
As they continued toward the lake, Rachel tucked herself in tight beside him, her head bowed and her hand tight on the inside of his elbow. Blaine kept himself stoic, but he squeezed her hand tight in between his arm and his side, trying to comfort the both of them. They walked all the way to the edge of the beach, along its edge, and then Blaine turned them toward the staff area.
Rachel detached herself from Blaine as soon as they reached the parking lot, running across the last few steps that separated her from Finn, launching herself into his arms, and burying her face in his shirt. Blaine looked away, trying to give them some privacy and purposefully turning in the opposite direction from where Kurt was standing. He started out staring at the ground, but raised his head after a moment to the bright afternoon sky, with the thought that he could blame any irritation in his eyes on the sun.
He was startled to hear footsteps moving in his direction, and looked back down to see Quinn, squinting and smiling. “Hey,” she said.
Blaine forced the corner of his lips up, hoping it didn’t look too much like a grimace. “Hi. So, you’re taking off too?” he asked, even though the answer was obvious.
Quinn glanced over her shoulder, and then back. “These guys are my family now.”
“I’m glad you all have each other,” Blaine said honestly, and he really was - he just wished that he had them too.
“I’m glad that I got a chance to get to know you,” Quinn responded. “And I can never thank you enough.”
Blaine shook his head. “Please don’t thank me for that. I had no idea -”
“Blaine,” she interjected. “We’ve been over that. I know. So let me thank you for doing the brave thing and getting your uncle to help me. Without him, I don’t know what would have happened.” Her eyes were a little misty when she finished speaking, and Blaine had all the excuse he would need for his eyes to be damp.
“In that case, you’re welcome,” he said, and Quinn stepped forward to hug him.
“Good luck in New York,” she whispered in his ear.
He squeezed a little tighter. “Thanks. I’m glad I got to know you too.”
Quinn pulled back and raised one hand to shield her eyes from the sun. “I think I need to go sit down. I keep thinking I’m completely better, but then I spend an hour lugging suitcases around on a hot day and I realize it’s not quite true.”
“Well, I hope you feel completely better soon.”
“Oh, you can’t keep me down for long,” she said confidently. “Bye, Blaine.”
Blaine smiled at her, and found that it was genuine, though small. “Good-bye, Quinn.”
She returned to the car, where Kurt held the door open as she crawled into the back seat. He shut it gently while she settled in, and then turned to look at Blaine, who dropped his gaze immediately back down to the dirt. Kurt approached him slowly, stopping only when they stood side by side, facing the trees instead of Finn and Rachel or each other.
There was a long moment of silence, and everything faded to the background except the warm weight of the sun on his shoulders, the gentle way the breeze moved the tree limbs, and the knowledge that Kurt was there, right beside him, close enough to touch but completely untouchable, and thinking of him too. Blaine sucked in deep breath and said, “I’ll never regret it.”
Out of the corner of his vision, he saw the corner of Kurt’s mouth turn up. “Me neither.”
Blaine turned his face toward Kurt then, his eyes filling as Kurt looked back. He thought that Kurt’s eyes looked unnaturally bright too, and they stared until they couldn’t anymore, and Kurt had to turn away, walk back to the car. Blaine turned back to the trees, allowing his face to fall, just for a second, closing his eyes and tracing over the lines of Kurt’s face again and again, etching them in deep. He didn’t even have a photograph.
The sound of a car door opening made him turn. Kurt was poised to climb into the passenger seat. He said something quietly to Finn, who was still petting Rachel’s back and kissing her forehead, and then he looked across the top of the car at Blaine. His mouth twitched like he was trying to smile, but all too quickly, he ducked inside the car and was gone. Finn disengaged from Rachel and climbed behind the wheel.
Rachel hurried to Blaine, her face blotchy and damp as she latched her arms around his middle, still facing the car as it roared to life. Blaine squeezed her shoulders, which shook under his hand. They stood together as the car pulled out of the parking lot, trailing dust, watching until it disappeared behind the trees and all the dirt had blown away or settled back to the ground, Rachel weeping openly and Blaine’s face so frozen in place that he felt like it would crack.
Chapter Note:
- Not exactly a historical note, but like Johnny, Finn drives a 1957 Chevy Bel Air. Pictures here: http://www.imcdb.org/vehicle_6399-Chevrolet-Bel-Air-1957.html and here: http://www.imcdb.org/vehicle_6964-Ford-Fairlane-Crown-Victoria-64A-1956.html.