Coffe makes me sleepy
So, I need to vent about my goddamn useless computer.
Lorelei is a laptop. That means she's portable, right? Which is cool. Except that her battery charger is dead, so she must remain on AC power all the time.
But that's just a hassle, really. I mean, I can still, like, check my email and get my daily computer needs met, right?
Sometime in September, she stopped talking the wireless card. (This is probably a problem with the card.) But that's just wireless access. I have a bajillion ethernet cords. And her ethernet port has been fritzy and spastic for over a year, growing fritzier and spasticer as time slogs on.
Fine, so I need to stop by the computer labs a couple times a day while I'm on campus. At least I can still get my classwork done.
Over fall pause, I did a system restore to solve her software problems before I send her in to the Circuit City service guys. (She'd been running slow, the screen flickered, crashing up to twice a day, not responding to Ctrl+Alt+Del, and a million other little problems.) That's when I discovered that Circuit City must have installed Microsoft Office themselves, because it's not there anymore. Neither are a bunch of other nice programs I'm going to miss. I have WordPerfect.
I didn't even know there was an up-to-date version of WordPerfect.
Okay, whatever, that's a pain in the ass, but I have everything on backup DVDs. It'll be okay eventually. I can still Ctrl+S. It's just annoying.
Lorelei won't print on my printer.* I installed it fine, there's paper in the tray, the printer's not flashing any "Danger, Will Robinson" lights at me. I say, "Print, you bitch," and Lorelei replies, "Yes, ma'am, it's what I'm for. One journal, coming right up!" Happy as you please.
And nothing happens. Nothing.
Well, Jesus Christ on a goddamn tire fire, that's useless! But I have a flash drive,** so I'll just suck it up and put out the 4 cents/page for the computer lab printer. It's a pain, but that works out fine. Word can open WordPerfect documents.
WordPerfect thinks this is entirely too generous. It will not reciprocate.
Which is how I end up with all these goddamn Wordpad and Notepad documents saved onto my flash drive, so that I can start a paper Wednesday evening and finish it before class on Thursday.
And yesterday, her screen turned off. Just went black. I was saving my homework, and poof! Like the Angel of Darkness That Really Pisses Me Off swept into my room like a patch of starless mobile night, and bitch-slapped my computer. She deserves bitch-slappage, but this is not cool.
But, wait, if Lorelei can't get to the interweb, print, is barely useful for writing papers, and her screen may die at any moment, what can I use her for?
Minesweeper.
Thank you for your time. It's been special.
*His name is Edmond Dantes. There is no history of a language barrier between these two. I think they communicate in sign language.
*1GB, $20 on eBay from Hong Kong. Brand name? "Mr. Flash." I love the world market.
Lorelei is a laptop. That means she's portable, right? Which is cool. Except that her battery charger is dead, so she must remain on AC power all the time.
But that's just a hassle, really. I mean, I can still, like, check my email and get my daily computer needs met, right?
Sometime in September, she stopped talking the wireless card. (This is probably a problem with the card.) But that's just wireless access. I have a bajillion ethernet cords. And her ethernet port has been fritzy and spastic for over a year, growing fritzier and spasticer as time slogs on.
Fine, so I need to stop by the computer labs a couple times a day while I'm on campus. At least I can still get my classwork done.
Over fall pause, I did a system restore to solve her software problems before I send her in to the Circuit City service guys. (She'd been running slow, the screen flickered, crashing up to twice a day, not responding to Ctrl+Alt+Del, and a million other little problems.) That's when I discovered that Circuit City must have installed Microsoft Office themselves, because it's not there anymore. Neither are a bunch of other nice programs I'm going to miss. I have WordPerfect.
I didn't even know there was an up-to-date version of WordPerfect.
Okay, whatever, that's a pain in the ass, but I have everything on backup DVDs. It'll be okay eventually. I can still Ctrl+S. It's just annoying.
Lorelei won't print on my printer.* I installed it fine, there's paper in the tray, the printer's not flashing any "Danger, Will Robinson" lights at me. I say, "Print, you bitch," and Lorelei replies, "Yes, ma'am, it's what I'm for. One journal, coming right up!" Happy as you please.
And nothing happens. Nothing.
Well, Jesus Christ on a goddamn tire fire, that's useless! But I have a flash drive,** so I'll just suck it up and put out the 4 cents/page for the computer lab printer. It's a pain, but that works out fine. Word can open WordPerfect documents.
WordPerfect thinks this is entirely too generous. It will not reciprocate.
Which is how I end up with all these goddamn Wordpad and Notepad documents saved onto my flash drive, so that I can start a paper Wednesday evening and finish it before class on Thursday.
And yesterday, her screen turned off. Just went black. I was saving my homework, and poof! Like the Angel of Darkness That Really Pisses Me Off swept into my room like a patch of starless mobile night, and bitch-slapped my computer. She deserves bitch-slappage, but this is not cool.
But, wait, if Lorelei can't get to the interweb, print, is barely useful for writing papers, and her screen may die at any moment, what can I use her for?
Minesweeper.
Thank you for your time. It's been special.
*His name is Edmond Dantes. There is no history of a language barrier between these two. I think they communicate in sign language.
*1GB, $20 on eBay from Hong Kong. Brand name? "Mr. Flash." I love the world market.