(no subject)
So words cannot even begin to describe how much ive screwed up this time.
Ive lost basically everything that i ever had hope in.
This will be my last week at Royal Oak High.
I am not going to see anyone who attends ROHS for a very long time.
Some of you probably forever.
After break i might have moved to Arizona with my birth mom Marjorie.
If im not there than i am at Roeper.
I dont know where to start about saying sorry , because sorry cannot even dent what ive done.
It was supposed to be a joke. Harmless.
Everything shatters when you hear the cops say "Baby, we'll be fine. "
I guess it also has to do with the enviroment you yourself live in too.
Because I know if that had happened to my house it would be casually passed off.
But then again, how could i be so absent minded as to even have disregarded the way her mom would have took it.
No thoughts like this should have ever even popped into my mind.
Clearly i am far from mature.
Clearly i need to have everything taken away from me in order to really grasp ....what i am becoming.
Her neighbors came out of the house. They saw. Jim saw. Jims daughter of whom she hates saw.
What a fucking embaressment that must have been . Added to an immense amount of ...some bad feeling...about knowing that i helped do it.
The past we had is now a joke it seems. Promises and hopes and futures and romance.
Im actually looking forward to getting away , to going to Arizona.
Because, the only thing i can really do now... is to stay away from her, from him, from everyone.
Thats all i can really do , for me to know that i'll never harm them again.
What a horrid horrid feeling that must have been.
If there ever, ever was a possibility that Ms. Lehman would like me...well that sure is nonexistent anymore.
Im sorry to her too. Even though still, sorry is such a weak word in these circumstances.
I could care less about any legal trouble i am in .
It really doesnt compare to what i have done to melanie.
And to her family.
And to her friends and neighbors.
And with me being all weird about auras and such-i seriously believe i tainted the houses energy.
Ive not only fucked up what ever i had with melanie.
But i feel responsible for being a crappy friend to patrick and alicia as well.
We should have never done that.
I should have stopped them. Not even driven there.
Im so sorry you guys. Im so sorry you ever got involved with a stupid person like me.
Im so sorry . Im so sorry.
Oh man, i really am becoming something atrocious.
This not only wasted my time. and my life.
This wasted our parents time. They were probably hoping to go to bed around 10.
What a weekend i ruined.
What a lifetime ive ruined all in all.
Seriously , even though im writing this all . It's not helping much.
I kind of feel like this is my last chance to talk to a lot of people.
My dad broke my cell phone. He threw it down and busted it up.
So i guess call my house phone ..which is 288-0052
(any of you living in RO will know the area code)
I dont know what else to say.
My dad is yelling i have to get off.
Ive lost basically everything that i ever had hope in.
This will be my last week at Royal Oak High.
I am not going to see anyone who attends ROHS for a very long time.
Some of you probably forever.
After break i might have moved to Arizona with my birth mom Marjorie.
If im not there than i am at Roeper.
I dont know where to start about saying sorry , because sorry cannot even dent what ive done.
It was supposed to be a joke. Harmless.
Everything shatters when you hear the cops say "Baby, we'll be fine. "
I guess it also has to do with the enviroment you yourself live in too.
Because I know if that had happened to my house it would be casually passed off.
But then again, how could i be so absent minded as to even have disregarded the way her mom would have took it.
No thoughts like this should have ever even popped into my mind.
Clearly i am far from mature.
Clearly i need to have everything taken away from me in order to really grasp ....what i am becoming.
Her neighbors came out of the house. They saw. Jim saw. Jims daughter of whom she hates saw.
What a fucking embaressment that must have been . Added to an immense amount of ...some bad feeling...about knowing that i helped do it.
The past we had is now a joke it seems. Promises and hopes and futures and romance.
Im actually looking forward to getting away , to going to Arizona.
Because, the only thing i can really do now... is to stay away from her, from him, from everyone.
Thats all i can really do , for me to know that i'll never harm them again.
What a horrid horrid feeling that must have been.
If there ever, ever was a possibility that Ms. Lehman would like me...well that sure is nonexistent anymore.
Im sorry to her too. Even though still, sorry is such a weak word in these circumstances.
I could care less about any legal trouble i am in .
It really doesnt compare to what i have done to melanie.
And to her family.
And to her friends and neighbors.
And with me being all weird about auras and such-i seriously believe i tainted the houses energy.
Ive not only fucked up what ever i had with melanie.
But i feel responsible for being a crappy friend to patrick and alicia as well.
We should have never done that.
I should have stopped them. Not even driven there.
Im so sorry you guys. Im so sorry you ever got involved with a stupid person like me.
Im so sorry . Im so sorry.
Oh man, i really am becoming something atrocious.
This not only wasted my time. and my life.
This wasted our parents time. They were probably hoping to go to bed around 10.
What a weekend i ruined.
What a lifetime ive ruined all in all.
Seriously , even though im writing this all . It's not helping much.
I kind of feel like this is my last chance to talk to a lot of people.
My dad broke my cell phone. He threw it down and busted it up.
So i guess call my house phone ..which is 288-0052
(any of you living in RO will know the area code)
I dont know what else to say.
My dad is yelling i have to get off.