BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!
if you know me, you know i don't cry. but today day i did.
the funeral was really emotional. the whole church was filled up and people had to stand in the back. tiffany's mom basically saved the church when people wanted to shut it down and move it somewhere else. so many people from school showed up. melvin and i went together, all of tiffany's close friends came, practically the whole varsity basketball team came (for tyler), and daryl hudson came with his family. i shed a couple of tears when tiffany got up and read a poem that she wrote for english about her mom. it was also really sad when they closed her casket, that's when her family lost it. tiffany only cried when she stood up with tyler, her dad, and trevor to look at her mom.
during one song a woman played on the piano someone got up and started singing along and eventually the whole church was clapping and singing along. and i wish i would remember what it was because it was a really beautiful song. it's times like those when i really wish i was more religious and i hate myself for disliking church when i was little. i used to resent the fact that my parents made me go when i didn't see any reason for it. but i don't know... being in the church with all those people during that song just felt right. it felt like everything the pastor had said about God and jesus and love and religion was SO true and SO right. and then the pastor said something, or maybe even alluded to a scripture from the bible but he said "every human being when they are baptized makes certain promises to God and while they don't always keep up with the promises, God always does." that just impacted me. i don't know it makes me feel like everything i do is selfish and self-motivated. but i know that i'm a nice person and i always try to help other people just because they need it. but it makes me wonder if by not going to church and not praying or living a religious life am i opening myself up to God? do i have love in my heart? and if i did... would i feel any different?
those are things i guess everyone questions in their life and today was my day.
but other than that, no news about becca. other than she's still really bad in the hospital. please pray.
this weekend, is up in the air. my sister and i had a fight wednesday night and it got kinda philosphical at the end. it was all about her though and she asked me if i wanted to do something sunday to improve our relationship. but i don't think she cares that much and i don't think she really wants to change. she just wants her away, like always.
THE O.C. FINALE WAS KICK ASS BECAUSE:
1. chinowear was brought back
2. ryan looked at marissa as he drove off
3. a car pulled up to block marissa off
all alluding to the pilot epsidoe that got me hooked.
oh yeah and,
"PUUUUDING!"
the whole hair thing with the claw seth made.
the thing i don't like about the the o.c. is how in the pilot episodes i really felt like ryan was a kid on the run. a kid who was hopeless and had no future. a kid that had his head on straight but was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. now i don't feel like he's a smart kid anymore. i just feel like he's an adult, having sex, having a baby, blahblah. i liked it better when he fucked up with "kid" mistakes. like burning the house down. getting into fights. always ruining the party. bring back the kid in ryan. he's not 23 -- he's 16.
MY LIFE BEING COMPLETELY AWESOME = TROY = 7 DAYS, bitches!
i've watched every TV even remotely having to do with troy and i've never been so excited for a movie.
GG i like it like that what was GOOD. next book is going to be BETTER. GG will be revealed (i think) and you know will finally find the love with you know who else because they've always been in love. he's just been to stoned and stupid to see it. dumb boys... so typical.
the funeral was really emotional. the whole church was filled up and people had to stand in the back. tiffany's mom basically saved the church when people wanted to shut it down and move it somewhere else. so many people from school showed up. melvin and i went together, all of tiffany's close friends came, practically the whole varsity basketball team came (for tyler), and daryl hudson came with his family. i shed a couple of tears when tiffany got up and read a poem that she wrote for english about her mom. it was also really sad when they closed her casket, that's when her family lost it. tiffany only cried when she stood up with tyler, her dad, and trevor to look at her mom.
during one song a woman played on the piano someone got up and started singing along and eventually the whole church was clapping and singing along. and i wish i would remember what it was because it was a really beautiful song. it's times like those when i really wish i was more religious and i hate myself for disliking church when i was little. i used to resent the fact that my parents made me go when i didn't see any reason for it. but i don't know... being in the church with all those people during that song just felt right. it felt like everything the pastor had said about God and jesus and love and religion was SO true and SO right. and then the pastor said something, or maybe even alluded to a scripture from the bible but he said "every human being when they are baptized makes certain promises to God and while they don't always keep up with the promises, God always does." that just impacted me. i don't know it makes me feel like everything i do is selfish and self-motivated. but i know that i'm a nice person and i always try to help other people just because they need it. but it makes me wonder if by not going to church and not praying or living a religious life am i opening myself up to God? do i have love in my heart? and if i did... would i feel any different?
those are things i guess everyone questions in their life and today was my day.
but other than that, no news about becca. other than she's still really bad in the hospital. please pray.
this weekend, is up in the air. my sister and i had a fight wednesday night and it got kinda philosphical at the end. it was all about her though and she asked me if i wanted to do something sunday to improve our relationship. but i don't think she cares that much and i don't think she really wants to change. she just wants her away, like always.
THE O.C. FINALE WAS KICK ASS BECAUSE:
1. chinowear was brought back
2. ryan looked at marissa as he drove off
3. a car pulled up to block marissa off
all alluding to the pilot epsidoe that got me hooked.
oh yeah and,
"PUUUUDING!"
the whole hair thing with the claw seth made.
the thing i don't like about the the o.c. is how in the pilot episodes i really felt like ryan was a kid on the run. a kid who was hopeless and had no future. a kid that had his head on straight but was always in the wrong place at the wrong time. now i don't feel like he's a smart kid anymore. i just feel like he's an adult, having sex, having a baby, blahblah. i liked it better when he fucked up with "kid" mistakes. like burning the house down. getting into fights. always ruining the party. bring back the kid in ryan. he's not 23 -- he's 16.
MY LIFE BEING COMPLETELY AWESOME = TROY = 7 DAYS, bitches!
i've watched every TV even remotely having to do with troy and i've never been so excited for a movie.
GG i like it like that what was GOOD. next book is going to be BETTER. GG will be revealed (i think) and you know will finally find the love with you know who else because they've always been in love. he's just been to stoned and stupid to see it. dumb boys... so typical.