i'm being very witty today...
so, today my parents left to go help my sister move out of her dorm at GVSU. josh came over at like 2 and he brought matt killian along with him. matt thinks we should get our own show on comedy central because josh and i paired together is lethal. we don't let anything get away with out a quirky one-liner or wacky conversation. and so i bring you....
my day in conversations with joshua (ft. matt killian):
josh: a corn dog's like a twinkie, except it has a weiner in the middle instead of cream!
me: um, was that supposed to be suggestive?
josh: the only "problem" i have with lesbians is that about 60% are really hott and that means i cannot have sex with them.
me: you could just be gay and then you wouldn't even worry about how many girls there are left to bone.
josh: fuck you.
me: no, seriously... go gay all the way.
josh: fuck you.
*after a 5 minute pause*
josh: if i was a girl i'd so be a lesbian. fuck screwing around with guys!
me: they wouldn't have you...
josh: fuck you tessa they would too.
me: no listen, i was talking with the head lesbian today and she said you were banned from their community.
josh: i can so be a lesbian if i want to
me: no! YOU CAN'T JOSH!
josh: I HATE YOU! YOU KNOW THAT?
me: josh and i were talking earlier *pause to look at commercial on tv*
matt: ...
me: *still looking*
matt: wow thats great that you guys talk, like make sounds and stuff. i've always wondered what it was like to phonate.
me: *snapping back* no, we were talking and i was all wtf? and josh was all lol and i was like stfu
josh: and i was all nm
me: and i was all omg
josh: and was all wut?
me: and i was all nm i gg
josh: and i was all kk ttyl
matt: you guys find this hilarious don't you?
during our game of pictionary -
josh: all of my words are going across
me: personally, i like going down better.
talking about the stale marshmellows -
josh: are your big ones hard?
talking about a hobo who lives in josh's neighborhood -
josh: so like after every holiday people in the neighboorhood leave their leftovers out on the porch for ducky (read: the hobo) and after easter we put out the rest of our mashed potatoes and greenbeans but he didn't eat them. and the other day i was talking with jimmy (read: his friend who lives two houses down) and he said ducky ate all their leftovers --
me: THE HOBO REJECTED YOUR LEFTOVERS?! what a dumbass!
some random moment -
josh: high five *asks for a high five* low five *asks for a low five* middle five! backwards five! JACKSON FIVE!
me looking through my dvds and coming across harry potter -
me: yano what i've always wondered about harry potter? do you think anyone likes the vomit jelly bean?
josh: bulimic people probably do.
*okay that was mean, but it was kinda funny in the moment because he was so serious about it*
watching pirates of the carribean -
me: lets watch pirates of the carribean
josh: carRIBean.
me: carriBEan!
josh: CARRIBBEAN!
me: this is why we broke up!
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matt: they (read: the dead pirates) all look like they've got jaundice.
me: dude, that's scurvy.
matt and i just talking -
matt: you're the cockiest girl i know.
me: yeah and thats why you like me... there's COCK involved.
josh: *dying in the background*
we're a deadly combo. josh and i. how did all this funny stuff happen in one day?
but other than that:
gwen: Duh, I said.. Have my children? You so didn't answer me.
me: my bad. you can impregnate me.
heather: *ahem* me first. I AM your wifey, after all.
me: no need to fight there is plenty of uterus to go around.
some girl from ___sizzle___: the clash doesn't belong with all those other bands.
me: they do if i like them.
girl: stfu they all suck like you
me: sorry that the clash are one of my favorite bands and the application asks for "favorite artists/bands," not "favorite artists/bands that you think other people will like and vote you a yes." what did you want me to do? LIE?
EDIT: god i completely forgot about this one! so we're in the middle of potc and matt is on the couch by himself and josh is leaning against the otoman and i'm in the loveseat and matt just goes, "isn't it funny how getting a blowjob makes any bad day good?"
josh and i look at eachother and go, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?"
i dono... i guess he got some.
my day in conversations with joshua (ft. matt killian):
josh: a corn dog's like a twinkie, except it has a weiner in the middle instead of cream!
me: um, was that supposed to be suggestive?
josh: the only "problem" i have with lesbians is that about 60% are really hott and that means i cannot have sex with them.
me: you could just be gay and then you wouldn't even worry about how many girls there are left to bone.
josh: fuck you.
me: no, seriously... go gay all the way.
josh: fuck you.
*after a 5 minute pause*
josh: if i was a girl i'd so be a lesbian. fuck screwing around with guys!
me: they wouldn't have you...
josh: fuck you tessa they would too.
me: no listen, i was talking with the head lesbian today and she said you were banned from their community.
josh: i can so be a lesbian if i want to
me: no! YOU CAN'T JOSH!
josh: I HATE YOU! YOU KNOW THAT?
me: josh and i were talking earlier *pause to look at commercial on tv*
matt: ...
me: *still looking*
matt: wow thats great that you guys talk, like make sounds and stuff. i've always wondered what it was like to phonate.
me: *snapping back* no, we were talking and i was all wtf? and josh was all lol and i was like stfu
josh: and i was all nm
me: and i was all omg
josh: and was all wut?
me: and i was all nm i gg
josh: and i was all kk ttyl
matt: you guys find this hilarious don't you?
during our game of pictionary -
josh: all of my words are going across
me: personally, i like going down better.
talking about the stale marshmellows -
josh: are your big ones hard?
talking about a hobo who lives in josh's neighborhood -
josh: so like after every holiday people in the neighboorhood leave their leftovers out on the porch for ducky (read: the hobo) and after easter we put out the rest of our mashed potatoes and greenbeans but he didn't eat them. and the other day i was talking with jimmy (read: his friend who lives two houses down) and he said ducky ate all their leftovers --
me: THE HOBO REJECTED YOUR LEFTOVERS?! what a dumbass!
some random moment -
josh: high five *asks for a high five* low five *asks for a low five* middle five! backwards five! JACKSON FIVE!
me looking through my dvds and coming across harry potter -
me: yano what i've always wondered about harry potter? do you think anyone likes the vomit jelly bean?
josh: bulimic people probably do.
*okay that was mean, but it was kinda funny in the moment because he was so serious about it*
watching pirates of the carribean -
me: lets watch pirates of the carribean
josh: carRIBean.
me: carriBEan!
josh: CARRIBBEAN!
me: this is why we broke up!
------------------------------------------------------
matt: they (read: the dead pirates) all look like they've got jaundice.
me: dude, that's scurvy.
matt and i just talking -
matt: you're the cockiest girl i know.
me: yeah and thats why you like me... there's COCK involved.
josh: *dying in the background*
we're a deadly combo. josh and i. how did all this funny stuff happen in one day?
but other than that:
gwen: Duh, I said.. Have my children? You so didn't answer me.
me: my bad. you can impregnate me.
heather: *ahem* me first. I AM your wifey, after all.
me: no need to fight there is plenty of uterus to go around.
some girl from ___sizzle___: the clash doesn't belong with all those other bands.
me: they do if i like them.
girl: stfu they all suck like you
me: sorry that the clash are one of my favorite bands and the application asks for "favorite artists/bands," not "favorite artists/bands that you think other people will like and vote you a yes." what did you want me to do? LIE?
EDIT: god i completely forgot about this one! so we're in the middle of potc and matt is on the couch by himself and josh is leaning against the otoman and i'm in the loveseat and matt just goes, "isn't it funny how getting a blowjob makes any bad day good?"
josh and i look at eachother and go, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?"
i dono... i guess he got some.