everybody's talking all this shit about me why cant they just let me live?
tell me what you think, we actually have to turn this in for a grade in my english class.
There Are No Small Parts
From the time human beings are little they form ideas as to what they will do in life when they grow up. Some children dream about being a high flying astronaut blasting off into space to explore new worlds. For others, it’s the dream of being a delicate ballerina in a pink tutu, twirling and leaping to the tune of a classical masterpiece. Usually, the dreams of those exciting careers are shed with the innocence of childhood. Most of these same people grow older and think they need a more realistic job and a safe, secure future. I was the same way when I was little; I wanted to be an actress before I knew what the word meant. Only, in my seventeen years of life, I have never once deterred from my dream of being a famous actress.
For pre-school and kindergarten I went to a small religious school that was attached to a church. My years at Bethany Bible School were spent normally, laughing and playing with some of the same people who are in my high school classes today. For our kindergarten “graduation”, our teacher told us that we would be putting on a play for our parents called “The Little Red Hen.” Immediately I knew the only part that would satisfy me was the lead, the little red hen. I had been bitten by the acting part.
Days later I found out that I had gotten the part of a baby chick. A girl in my class, who coincidentally was also the daughter of our teacher, has gotten the part of the little red hen. The irony was lost on me and I was crushed. My dreams of being the center of attention and standing under the bright lights of the stage, reciting my lines to the on looking parents were dashed and I was reduced to little more than a non-speaking part; all the chicks did was chirp. Ten of my other classmates were also chicks and while they were happy just to be able to wear the bright yellow cape and an orange construction paper nose, I was irate, jealous, and resented the fact that I was overlooked.
Our big day came, and all the chicks and I had to do was crawl across the stage on our knees, go up to the little red hen, and chirp like we were hungry. She would feed us fake food and our 15 minutes of fame were over. We were set on the right side of the stage and I watched in agony as all the parents in the audience watched the little girl playing the little red hen with a smile on their faces. The chick cue was coming up and my heart was racing - I would make the best chirping chick ever. And then, a boy in my class started to crawl out early. I, in turn, reached out, grabbed him by the collar, and pulled him back. I can still faintly remember how his body made a thud on the stage as he hit the flood. My parents told me it was hilarious, my teachers were embarrassed, and I was mortified that my first debut into the acting world was almost ruined.
Looking back on it the old adage “there are no small parts, only small actors” rings out in my head. All those feelings I had were things I did not understand, but I know now that it was the earliest time my passion for acting came out and reared its head. I have never let go of that passion and today I strive in such things as the school play, forensics, and my drama classes to improve upon my acting potential and furthering myself as an actor. I hope I never loose my dream, which is why I choose to major in theatre arts.
i hate my job.
i hate my school.
i hate my friends.
i hate my parents.
i hate myself.
i hate my life.
i lied. i really just hate my job and school. thats why i never really write in here anymore. because if you want to hear me complain, i can. i do it really well but not well enough that you'd guys would actually read it with interest.
wanna hear something cool? today in english my english teacher tells me i have an 58% (and E) in her class. i told her i had been sick for two days and blah blah but i had it excused and i had a note from the units. she starts fucking grilling me on what was wrong. "is is the flu? a stomach flu? or just a cold? or do you have allergies? you really need to get it checked out if something is wrong. go to a doctor, tell your parents." JESUS LADY. haven't you ever just NOT FELT GOOD? sorry if i don't feel the need to get my whole body diagnosed but i know when i need a break for chrissake. but then i am a beast and by third hour i made it all better and now i have a 91% (A-) in the class. i win.
today was the final day of callbacks for the play and i find out tomorrow if i got a part. i'm not solid on anything, there is a possibly i could get cut. but then again i think mr. koch likes me and i have a fair chance of getting a decent part. there's a lot of aristocracy and manipluation in the program though. there are some choice students who think that they deserve everything. there are some really nice people who tried out and i know i will be able to get along with everyone -- that's certainly not the problem. it's just someone whispered "this year is going to suck" and i overheard and i can't help but wonder if people are so stuck up and so self-involved that they'd really throw tantrums and try to make proceedings difficult because they aren't satisfied when things don't go their way. only time will tell.
endlessly tessa: http://www.falloutboyrock.com/journal/
--Thursday, September 23, 2004--
its been awhile. ive just been staying up late watching movies: mean girls, starwars, and shaolin soccer.
endlessly tessa: PETE AND I RENTED THE SAME VIDEOS AT THE SAME TIME PROBABLY
endlessly tessa: ITS FATE, I WIN.
endlessly tessa: this is just another reason why i love star wars that movie rocks so hard
bustin' balls and breakin' hearts,
tessa