and then she'd say, 'it's okay, i got lost on the way, but i'm a supergirl and supergirls don't cry'

[lucked]

Up until now, everything's been easy. As strange as it might be for most people to imagine, Claire Bennet's leap off the Compound has been the best thing that's happened to her yet on Tabula Rasa. Maybe it isn't the healthiest- after all, where the leap from the Compound was supposed to help her shed that mask, come face to face with all that fate'

Comments

[wishesandsmoke]

It's easy for Claire to think that, that Eden would choose never to use her ability again. Eden likes to make it sound that way, to talk as if the moral imperative dictates what she does, and there are so many things about what she could do that worry her, so many implications in it she doesn't like, so many reasons not to use it. As much as she'd like to think she's a better person, though, that this behavior is something she's moved beyond, the fact of the matter is it's not that simple. Having something like that to herself makes it so difficult to resist the temptation, and she doesn't know that she would really have been strong enough if she'd stayed in that world. She'd like to believe it, but there's always that bit of doubt, unshakeable.

"I don't either," she says, looking blankly ahead of herself. She doesn't get that option, the choice to go home, and she tries not to be bitter about it, to be grateful she's here at all, to remember she didn't have a home anyway, but it's difficult these days. "I know it's strange, I know, and you'll be home before you know it, but until then, heaving yourself off a roof isn't going to tell you who you are, Claire."

[lucked]

It's hard to dole out the culpability. Claire already feels guilty for expressing the full truth to Eden, a wish that, if granted as stated, would erase Eden from the picture entirely. There's no doubt in Claire's mind that she wants Eden alive, that she wants Eden back in her world, but the trip home has told Claire that one way or another, change is hard. That maybe some things are just going to happen, no matter how often one tries to go back and stop it. The thing is, what Claire wanted was to head on home and not remember any of it, not to have her heart ache from being on the island and knowing what she'd left behind. Now, with that leap- now, knowing that she's human, fully human, with scars and bumps and bruises, Claire's not so sure. Maybe the world's a bit more tolerable as it is. Maybe the ache that she still has in her chest for normalcy, her normalcy, still exists, but is so dulled that this island can be home.

"You're not the one who's supposed to be comforting me about going home, Eden," she says quietly, knowing that it might hurt. Knowing that it hurts her in her chest already. "You know that I just... want to turn time back. Fix things. I've only ever wanted to go home and fix things, or just... they say ignorance is bliss, and sometimes I want to try that. But."

She swallows thickly. "I don't know, Eden. Throwing myself off a roof seems to be better at reminding me of who I am than anything else I've tried here."

[wishesandsmoke]

Eden knows anyway. At least, she tells herself things like this - that Claire will leave, that it will be a good thing when the only family she has left is gone, that it's in the girl's best interests to get out of here. The world they're from is dangerous, but it's not hers to protect Claire from that, not anymore, and she has a home there, a real one, and a family who love her and an ability that keeps her safer even than Eden could have managed. It still hurts to hear, and she's glad not to be facing the girl, grateful that she can't see her expression contort with the ache of it. It's not that Claire wants rid of her, she knows that. She just can't compete with home; she'd never expect or want to. It's better for Claire that way. For her, though, god, she gets so tired, so scared, of being alone.

"Then we have got to find you some new hobbies," she says lightly, hand smoothing through blonde hair again. "You know I just want what's best for you, Claire, and that usually doesn't involve a trip to the clinic. Can we please try for something a little less extreme next time?"

[lucked]

There's something about that moment that almost feels like they're saying good-bye. Claire knows that it isn't the case, that with any luck both of them will still have months, even years on the island yet to be in each other's company. Maybe it's just the way that Eden's turned away, not even facing Claire. Maybe it's the way that even the things that go completely unsaid don't go unheard, that Eden's probably hoping now for Claire to go back home, now that she knows how deeply the teen misses it. (Even if, Claire reminds herself, there's no actual home to return to. The one in Odessa's been destroyed. And there's the Company, too, who's definitely going to be out for her, out for her dad. If she ever does return home, it's going to be broken shambles, and yet Claire finds herself yearning for that anyway, sometimes. It'd be easier if she could just pull the people to the island, but she doesn't expect herself to be half that lucky.)

And if that doesn't just wrench her gut with guilt, she doesn't know what does.

She reaches up to grab for Eden's hand, gently, after Eden's done smoothing Claire's hair. Their fingers twine as Claire lowers her hand back to the bed, looking over with what she hopes passes for an optimistic smile. "I think I'll stick with trying to keep up with tap. Be a regular Fred Astaire, except with more hair."

[wishesandsmoke]

Eden leans back, head against the wall, a stab of guilt going through her when Claire looks up. She'd hoped sitting so she could hold onto the girl would keep her from seeing Eden's expression, how difficult all this is for her, but she looks anyway and there's probably no hiding it. Acting comes easy for her, but there's a time and place for that, and this isn't it; outside of those moments when it's necessary to be someone else, she wears her heart on her sleeve.

"Good plan," she says anyway, forcing a smile, tightening her grip on Claire's hand for a moment. It doesn't bear saying that this will set back those plans, joke or otherwise, considerably. "A little practice and you'll really be going places."

[lucked]

In the grand scheme of things, she's being let off easy. Were it her dad on the island instead of Eden, she'd probably be getting yelled at right now, her wandering privileges revoked, being tugged to whatever semblance of a job he'd have on the island, never being let out of sight. Eden's gentler by far, even if Claire still knows that there isn't anything funny or halfhearted about the worry Eden feels. The thing is, though, that even if Eden's not being quite as hard on Claire, the guilt that shines through at that is crushing in its own right. For several seconds, all Claire does is listen to herself breathe, marveling at how normal it sounds, only slightly out of breath. She's glad Eden wasn't there to see her right after the fall. The bruising might be worse now, but at least she feels like she's all one piece.

"Do you think, since the clinic's so empty anyway, that they'd let you..." Claire starts, pausing as she turns to face Eden again. "I don't know, maybe push over a second bed and spend the night with me?" It feels like the least she can offer.

[wishesandsmoke]

The question's unexpected, but Eden simply nods, fingers combing through Claire's hair again. "I bet so," she says. "I'll talk to someone about it and see if we can make that happen." It'll help her, she knows, to be close enough to keep an eye on Claire. Otherwise, she doubts she'll get much real rest in the next while until they can get her home, and she doesn't want to leave Claire all to herself in the clinic anyway. It might not be as dismal as Eden suspects it would be in a real hospital, but it's bad enough, quiet and clean and empty, no one for company but the doctors on duty. "Is there anything you want me to bring from home?"

[lucked]

The smile on Claire's face is more satisfied now, still an undercurrent of worry and concern, but largely content as Eden threads her hair through again. No matter how angry Claire's made Eden, no matter how much still hasn't been fixed or mended entirely, the fact that Eden's will continue to stick around, that means there's hope. And for once, the blonde is content to admit the fact that maybe she needs that help, maybe she needs to lean on others more than they can lean on her in return, just until she's found both feet and knows exactly how things should be. Where she stands.

That's doing Eden a better favor than keeping everything to herself.

"It should happen," she confirms with her lips pressed together in a small smile. "And we can have... I don't know, girl talk? Or just get haul a projector over her and watch a movie. As for stuff from home, um."

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "I was gonna say Mr. Muggles, but I think that might be pushing it a little. No, I think... just having you here is okay. More than enough."

[wishesandsmoke]

"I doubt they'd let him in here," Eden agrees, letting out a soft laugh at the idea. The clinic's too neat, too sterile, for Mr. Muggles' presence; tiny though he is, he'd make quick work of at least smelling everything in the place, and she doubts the doctors would be keen on that. She'll have to ask someone to check in on him and Origami later, though.

For now, she nods along, musing on Claire's suggestions. "I don't see why we can't do both those things anyway. I know the patients drag that projector in here all the time. Any time there are patients anyway. I go later and see if there's anything good to watch." As for the talking, it's not a bad idea at all. Girl talk tends to entail some fairly light topics, but they can be important, too, and the more she knows about what Claire's going through, whatever it is she wants to share, the better.

[lucked]

"Especially since he'd probably go around humping everything," Claire points out with a soft laugh, even if the statement makes her think of Lyle, the only one to really be bothered by the Pomeranian bouncing all over the place. As little as the two of them had talked in recent years, there was still something pretty constant about Lyle's presence, and not only because he spent most of his afternoons with his rear parked on the couch. She rubs at her collarbone, where something seems to itch under her skin, index finger brushing over the groove over and over in an attempt to rid herself of it. Supposedly, this is what healing feels like.

Pressing her lips together, Claire tilts her head. "Bonus points for Audrey Hepburn, I think," Claire says with a thoughtful furrow of the brow. "I'm just in the mood for something old, romantic, perfect."

[wishesandsmoke]

"I know just the film," Eden says, smiling. "Have you seen Sabrina yet? It's one of my favorites." She's kept the reel since she first found it, years ago, something she watched with Penny during a long evening of goofing off and chatting, back even before Penny married Gideon. It seems like such a long time ago now, a lifetime ago, as if she's lived so many times over in her short time, starting again and again and again. She's glad, though, she picked up early on how difficult things would be to replace if she set them back on the shelf; she's built up a nice little collection over the years, and that should come in handy now.

[lucked]

"No, I haven't," Claire replies in turn, sitting up until she winces again, reminding herself for what seems like the hundredth time not to push herself too much. Still glad for the chance to experience the healing process to the same capacity as everyone else, Claire certainly doesn't want much permanent damage to be done. There's too much yet to experience to be hindered by a stupid mistake. Gingerly, she shifts on the bed again, her lips pressed together, almost as though still in apology for pushing herself too quickly. "I've seen Breakfast at Tiffany's and Roman Holiday, but that's it. Sabrina was the next on my list, but then I got... a little distracted, you know, and Zach wasn't half as interested in Hepburn as Jackie tried to be."

[wishesandsmoke]

"Zach's loss," Eden answers. "I happen to have a copy of it up at the house. I'll bring it by later, along with the projector." She's reasonably certain Claire will enjoy it, and even if she doesn't like the movie itself, it'll be worthwhile for the quality time. She can't keep the girl under lock and key and she knows all too well how it feels to be so trapped; she wouldn't do that to someone else. Keeping a close eye on her, though, is an entirely different story.

[lucked]

"You kept a copy? I've been considering doing that, too, keeping some of my favorites around so that I can pull them out and watch whenever I have downtime. Which until now wasn't often, between classes and the desk job for the IPD, but..." Claire presses her lips together with a soft sigh, shaking her head and shrugging as best she can. Maybe there's no way for the levity to pull completely across, but getting a breather from everything, not having to act like she has to watch her every last movement, some of that is necessary too. "Suddenly, looks like my schedule's clearing up for a lot more sleep than I've gotten in years. And that means plenty of movie time on top."

[wishesandsmoke]

Eden makes a mental note to drop by the IPD later, too. They'll know, of course, not in any official capacity but because news spreads fast around here, but it still feels like she ought to mention to them Claire won't be in for a while. Even after she gets out of here, she'll need the rest, although Eden supposes the IPD desk job isn't, at least, strenuous enough to avoid. "I have a ton of movies," she says, nodding, smiling. "A bunch Gideon left, too. You can have your pick." She doesn't like all his favorites, but there are some good ones in there and she can't bring herself to clear out the rest yet.

[lucked]

The mention of Gideon, of his name in specific, brushes the smile off Claire's face, her expression more distant. In the end, maybe it wouldn't have mattered if she could heal from injuries or not, the fact simply being that the entirety of the island is so transient, that nothing's permanent there. She looks up with an uneasy expression, tilting her head. "Well, can't say I'll mind digging into that collection, since I'm sure there are a lot of gems in there," she grins, before swallowing thickly. "I'm sorry he left, though."