Under what nightmarish conditions do weasels actually pop?
Just where the fuck is Osama bin Laden, anyway? When was the last time we even had an update?
Regardless of one's stance on the war in Afghanistan or American foreign policy, I doubt anyone feels especially warm and cozy with that guy hiding in the shadows. Not in this country. Especially if one thinks back to the seemingly endless parade of experts who for the last eight or nine years have been warning that another attack on American soil is likely.
I, for one, would sleep a good deal better if I knew he wasn't going to pop up out of nowhere like an exploding prarie dog.
My friends and I had discussed this a while back, and what the government and press seem to be telling us is that Osama bin Laden is alive, or dead, and is somewhere on Earth. This rules out vampirisim, zombification, and outer space.
I'd appreciate a little more communication from the government as concerns the world's most wanted man. Honest communication. I want the White House press secretary to get on a podium, address the nation and admit, "We have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. For all we know, he could be a Space-Vampire."
And this will pave the way for new job-creating security initiatives, such as NASA's vampire-hunting astronaut program (Vampstronauts) and agriculture subsidies for garlic farmers. This is to say nothing of the inevitable boom in crossbow sales. We'll stamp out Al Qaida, stimulate the economy, and raise vampire awareness in one fell swoop.
BAM. See that? All of our problems are solved.
You're welcome.
Regardless of one's stance on the war in Afghanistan or American foreign policy, I doubt anyone feels especially warm and cozy with that guy hiding in the shadows. Not in this country. Especially if one thinks back to the seemingly endless parade of experts who for the last eight or nine years have been warning that another attack on American soil is likely.
I, for one, would sleep a good deal better if I knew he wasn't going to pop up out of nowhere like an exploding prarie dog.
My friends and I had discussed this a while back, and what the government and press seem to be telling us is that Osama bin Laden is alive, or dead, and is somewhere on Earth. This rules out vampirisim, zombification, and outer space.
I'd appreciate a little more communication from the government as concerns the world's most wanted man. Honest communication. I want the White House press secretary to get on a podium, address the nation and admit, "We have no idea where Osama bin Laden is. For all we know, he could be a Space-Vampire."
And this will pave the way for new job-creating security initiatives, such as NASA's vampire-hunting astronaut program (Vampstronauts) and agriculture subsidies for garlic farmers. This is to say nothing of the inevitable boom in crossbow sales. We'll stamp out Al Qaida, stimulate the economy, and raise vampire awareness in one fell swoop.
BAM. See that? All of our problems are solved.
You're welcome.