(no subject)
its 10:30 a.m., i went to sleep crying and ive woken up crying. i think that alex and i are over or WILL BE over and this time it's for good. its so many things put together that i feel hopeless because this relationship cant be fixed anymore. i believe that trust is one of the main things that make a relationship work, but unfortunately in my relationship that trust has been broken wayyyyy to many times already. i feel like he doesnt love me and somewhat i dont feel the same for him anymore and im trying to deny it and hold on to something that isnt there any longer. what have i done to deserve this ? ive NEVER given him a headache or a reason to doubt me, why does he do the things that he does ? and i just dont wanna have to deal with this anymore of wondering what, where, and who is he with ? i dont need this drama and i think he has just proven to me that i dont mean anything to him or that this relationship doesnt mean anything to him. but i know, that if we break up today i've promised to myself that i wont let myself get back with him, ive even prepared for what might happen and im ready if he says "lets go our own ways" because maybe it is for the best. im just so scared of being alone and not having anyone to run to when i get home from work..no one to go out on the weekends with..i feel so blah. why did God put him in my path to suffer like this..have i actually been so cold hearted ? theres so many things out there for me and i keep on hanging on to something that i KNOW is not going to work out in the long run, it didnt work out from day one. im smarter than this but i just cant seem to hold myself together. i know that if we continue in this relationship, shit is gonna go down the drain and im gonna have to be dealing with drama everyday of my life. i knew that this was coming, why didnt i stop it ? i knew that once he turned 21, shit was gonna do a 360 on me and last night just gave me a taste of what was to come. he made me feel as if out relationship is not worth giving a try and the wasy way is just to break up. like if him having fun with his boys is worth breaking up with someone whom uve been with for years. and i know that this isnt allll his fault, i to have been scared to let him go out with friends and somewhat ive made him feel tied down but thats only because he has broken my trust too many times so how am i suppose to let him go out with his friends and not know exactly wat he's doing..its not my fault. ive realized that he isnt the one for me. he isnt the commitment type of guy until one say some girl will swipe him off his feet, and that girl isnt me.