In Offense of Nice Guys.
In light of recent events*, I've been thinking entirely too much about "nice guys," who aren't real-life, actual nice guys so much as guys who label to themselves as such and use this label as the reason that you are in their minds, absolutely fucking obligated to see them as a romantic partner without any consideration or introspection of your opinion on the matter.
A "nice guy" will start his interaction with you innocuously enough, exactly in the same way a nice guy will. Maybe he'll take note of the book you're reading and sit down to chat with you about it. Maybe you compliment him on the fact that he's wearing a shirt with the name of a band you like about it. Possibilities are endless, but you'll have a brief and pleasant but superficial chat about either of these things and you'll leave thinking "oh hey, I've potentially made a friend." And logically, you'll think he feels the same way. But oh, not so.
By fifteen minute long, superficial conversation number three, apropos of nothing, he'll start referring to you with uncalled for pet names, start sitting way too goddamn close to you, insisting on hugs and reaching for any excuse he can to engage in some kind of physical contact with you. And yes, sometimes people connect quickly and immediately in some romantic way and that's awesome and wonderful and magnificent, and also, sometimes a person can just be really bad at reading another person's body language and may innocently interpret platonic friendliness to "s/he's totally into me." It's an honest mistake, especially when people don't know each other too well, and it's totally up to the person on the receiving end of the unwanted affection to be decent, gentle, and considerate in letting down the giver of the unwanted affection (at least the first time). The reveal of this mistake is what separates a nice guy from a creep-tastic "nice guy." A nice guy will respect your opinion (and your personal space) and back the fuck off from encroaching into romantic territory, at least until some later date when you've gotten to know one another better.
A "nice guy" will quickly turn on you, launching into a whine or self-pity party about how women just won't give him a chance, how he just can't seem to get a break with the ladies. Sometimes he will beg outright, trying to gain your sympathy in telling you how the world is against him and he can't win because he is "such a nice guy," never mind the fact that if this KEEPS happening to him, it definitely has a hell of a lot more to do with him and his personality flaws than any of the women he's pursued. Occasionally, the "nice guy" will launch into straight-up hostility, the phrase "I have a boyfriend" giving him cause to refer to you as a bitch or a tease or a whore when all you did was be pleasant to him.
In my experience, a "nice guy" tends to reveal himself when talking about other women he's taken an interest in- watch as he refers to other women he's tried to go out with as stuck-up bitches or frigid or whatever misogynist hyperbole he feels fitting because they rejected him and how dare they. And while this isn't always the case, the "nice guy" tends to only be interested in extremely attractive women** who are almost always, for lack of a better phrase, "out of his league." The "nice guy" may even have female friends or associates who DO want to date him, but if they aren't hot by his limited standards, they aren't good enough for him because his "nice guy"ness simply entitles him to date whichever woman he wants despite, in every single one of my experiences in this situation, the "nice guy" made up his mind about pursuing the woman in the situation after a small amount of superficial interaction that revolves entirely around him talking about himself and not taking anything other than a sensory-based interest in the object of his *shudder* desire.
Lastly, I apologize for the gender-specific, hetero-normative tone of this because this kind of thing takes place among all genders and sexual orientations, but really, all I want to say is this:
"Nice guy," fuck off.
*which have nothing to do with anyone who could possibly be reading this, as inspirational forces exist outside of the realm of that meddlesome beast, internet.
**quick note- I'm not automatically placing myself in the category of "extremely attractive women" just because I know that I don't fit the, ah, more plebian requirements for the category.
A "nice guy" will start his interaction with you innocuously enough, exactly in the same way a nice guy will. Maybe he'll take note of the book you're reading and sit down to chat with you about it. Maybe you compliment him on the fact that he's wearing a shirt with the name of a band you like about it. Possibilities are endless, but you'll have a brief and pleasant but superficial chat about either of these things and you'll leave thinking "oh hey, I've potentially made a friend." And logically, you'll think he feels the same way. But oh, not so.
By fifteen minute long, superficial conversation number three, apropos of nothing, he'll start referring to you with uncalled for pet names, start sitting way too goddamn close to you, insisting on hugs and reaching for any excuse he can to engage in some kind of physical contact with you. And yes, sometimes people connect quickly and immediately in some romantic way and that's awesome and wonderful and magnificent, and also, sometimes a person can just be really bad at reading another person's body language and may innocently interpret platonic friendliness to "s/he's totally into me." It's an honest mistake, especially when people don't know each other too well, and it's totally up to the person on the receiving end of the unwanted affection to be decent, gentle, and considerate in letting down the giver of the unwanted affection (at least the first time). The reveal of this mistake is what separates a nice guy from a creep-tastic "nice guy." A nice guy will respect your opinion (and your personal space) and back the fuck off from encroaching into romantic territory, at least until some later date when you've gotten to know one another better.
A "nice guy" will quickly turn on you, launching into a whine or self-pity party about how women just won't give him a chance, how he just can't seem to get a break with the ladies. Sometimes he will beg outright, trying to gain your sympathy in telling you how the world is against him and he can't win because he is "such a nice guy," never mind the fact that if this KEEPS happening to him, it definitely has a hell of a lot more to do with him and his personality flaws than any of the women he's pursued. Occasionally, the "nice guy" will launch into straight-up hostility, the phrase "I have a boyfriend" giving him cause to refer to you as a bitch or a tease or a whore when all you did was be pleasant to him.
In my experience, a "nice guy" tends to reveal himself when talking about other women he's taken an interest in- watch as he refers to other women he's tried to go out with as stuck-up bitches or frigid or whatever misogynist hyperbole he feels fitting because they rejected him and how dare they. And while this isn't always the case, the "nice guy" tends to only be interested in extremely attractive women** who are almost always, for lack of a better phrase, "out of his league." The "nice guy" may even have female friends or associates who DO want to date him, but if they aren't hot by his limited standards, they aren't good enough for him because his "nice guy"ness simply entitles him to date whichever woman he wants despite, in every single one of my experiences in this situation, the "nice guy" made up his mind about pursuing the woman in the situation after a small amount of superficial interaction that revolves entirely around him talking about himself and not taking anything other than a sensory-based interest in the object of his *shudder* desire.
Lastly, I apologize for the gender-specific, hetero-normative tone of this because this kind of thing takes place among all genders and sexual orientations, but really, all I want to say is this:
"Nice guy," fuck off.
*which have nothing to do with anyone who could possibly be reading this, as inspirational forces exist outside of the realm of that meddlesome beast, internet.
**quick note- I'm not automatically placing myself in the category of "extremely attractive women" just because I know that I don't fit the, ah, more plebian requirements for the category.