Of the Essence
Title: Of the Essence
Author: Meri (mercy_slays/luciferhisaki
Rating: PG-13 (I guess? There’s some curse words. I hate rating my fics that aren’t smut.)
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Gen. Spock/Uhura references. Possible Kirk+Spock implications Doubt it.
Summary: In which we find out how Kirk knew where Pike’s location is in the Narada. And part of the aftermath of how he found out.
Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Wish it was but it’s not. Maybe in some alternate universe.
Word Count: 6205
Notes: Although only the first and second to last (and maybe the last) scenes are relevant to the fic, this was written to suggest a theory and possibly solidify this theory into my own personal headcanon for other fics I plan to write in this fandom. I have not read much on the details of the mind meld so my facts could be wrong but I’ll be taking artistic licensing on that. This is my first fic for Star Trek and although I never really watched the Original series, I have watched TNG and Voyager. I also admit that there might be some Out of Character bits but I tried. I also have taken dialogue directly from the movie and made my own version of novelizing some scenes from the movie. I hope you all enjoy this? Finally I can get back to writing responses to the kink meme, even if some of them already have responses.
“Yeah, I gotcha.”
His eyes follow Spock’s movements to the unconscious Romulan, struck down by his phaser. For a moment, they can breathe but he knows that time is short. He didn’t give Spock an order to do what he needed, just told him to do it-they’ve come a long way since the incident on the bridge only moments before (Kirk’s not surprised. It’s almost as if they did it before, covering each other’s back. They’re in sync, just like them.) Automatically, he switches his phaser’s setting to lethality, crouching low on the floor, eyes’ alert for more Romulans to appear and attack them. He’s not thinking about anything but what has to be done, what’s needed.
The flashes from before with that other Spock are still present-he’s still thinking about them-but he’s not focused on anything but the familiarity, the easiness of having Spock (his universe’s Spock fighting with him, rather than against him). Whatever backlash from that mind meld-thing, Kirk uses it as an advantage. Makes things easier if he knows what Spock is going to do. Thorough training for combat from the academy helps too.
Kirk watches, apprehensive but focused and determined, as Spock places his fingers in a formation that he’s familiar and not familiar with. He can’t tell if it’s the same gesture the other Spock used on him but he knows enough that it’s a mind meld, or something like it.
A Romulan appears behind Spock. Kirk rushes, firing without hesitation, without thinking. There’s only the mission and what they need to do. They’re running out of time. He knows the Romulan’s dead before even hitting the ground. It’s not a headshot but close enough that an instructor wouldn’t mark him down, Kirk absently muses, eyes darting from side to side, phaser aimed at the dead Romulan as he moves toward the Science Officer. Nearing Spock, Kirk’s arms and body move instinctively from left to right, ensuring the best shot he could do while covering Spock’s back. He kneels and looks back toward where he came from before darting a glance at Spock.
“Do you know where it is,” Kirk whispers low, finger ready to pull the trigger again. He breathes heavily from exertion and apprehension, “The black hole device?”
In the corner of his eye, Spock’s eyes open. The Vulcan lifts his head, starting to stand, “And Captain Pike.”
That’s the only warning Kirk gets when Spock starts rushing in some presumed random direction. He nails down a few more Romulans as soon as they appear, giving Spock time to draw out his weapon again.
“That’s good, is he alive?” Kirk only takes the tiniest of glances at the Commander before ducking into a hallway to avoid fire from the Romulans. Spock lunges behind the console on the other side. Breathing for a moment, he flings back into the open and fires back at the Romulans while Spock snipes the incoming reinforcements. Oh yeah, they’re getting along fine-real swell even, Kirk smirks inwardly, running to Spock’s side. “Well?”
“Unknown. I only have the location of the Captain.” Spock doesn’t look at him. Kirk only spares him a look before firing back at the Romulans.
Seconds tick by as more Romulans start to fall down (dead), Kirk’s impatience wanes; he snaps “So where is he? We came to rescue him, too, Spock.”
“We need to get to the black hole device first. I do not have the time to explain. We must hurry.”
Kirk scowls in frustration. “I know that. Look, we’re going after that first, yes, fine and dandy but I need to know where Pike’s location is. Remember the plan!” The temptation to put his own hands around Spock’s neck is alluring but Kirk refrains, barely. Kirk looks up at Spock, an idea coming to mind, and stares at the Vulcan. He lies, “So what can you do to give me his location quick?”
Spock pauses, lowering his phaser to study him. Kirk schools his face to determined focus with a hint of impatience and urgency. A memory that’s not his comes to the surface of his mind before he pushes it away.
It’s the only way and it might just be possible to not give anything to Spock. It’s a theory. He doesn’t know anything about what Vulcans do and what the mind meld really is outside memories he hasn’t had the time to think about (memories that belong and don’t belong to him). He knows what he’s asking but Spock doesn’t know it and by all means, Kirk knows that he shouldn’t know it. The joys of meeting with a Spock that’s from the future, Kirk knows a lot of things that (his) Spock believes he won’t know about.
He also knows how it feels to have a mind touch his and the backlash of it. If Kirk had the choice, he wouldn’t ask for it. Never would ask for it. He would refuse long before Spock would finish asking.
But they don’t have time and it’s no longer about what he wants but what’s needed to be done.
They can’t go after Pike together. Pike can’t come first. The drill has to be sabotaged immediately and Enterprise can’t come any closer without being attacked by the Narada. The next phase of the plan-the mission-is to find the ship, (older) Spock’s ship, secure it while one of them went after Pike, then destroy the drill before it’s too late. They had to get the Red Matter in their hands or the plan would fail.
Kirk stares evenly, unwavering into Spock’s gaze.
Spock nods finally, as if he relented on something that would have taken days (years, even) to make a decision on. He reaches out, “There is a faster way. I will give you the Captain’s location and what I know of the ship’s layout. You are correct. We must continue with the mission.” Kirk forces himself not to flinch when fingers touch above and below his eye.
He closes his eyes and prepares (body stiffening, blood pulse quickening; he manages to keep his breathing somewhat even), instinctively trusting Spock with a familiarity that is not his. He doesn’t have time to question. He cannot do anything to stop Spock. He asked for this. No backing down.
Kirk forces himself not to think of anything but what Spock-this Spock-gives him. He only hopes that he won’t give Spock anything from this but time’s running out. “Do it.”
The Vulcan starts to speak but he can’t hear his voice, or maybe he doesn’t want to. Images flash in his mind, Kirk sees a woman with fear in her eyes before the scene changes to Uhura in a classroom with a coy smile; McCoy aggravated and angry, mouth moving; Chekov apologizing with his head bowed; Sulu staring seriously with a grim face at space, as Enterprise makes her way to the rest of the Fleet.
Fear. Despair. Contentment. Annoyance. Acceptance. Resignation. Determination. Rage, Anger. Hatred. Love.
Love for a mother, despair at not being able to save her; annoyance at outbursts that have need not be said; hatred at those who destroyed Vulcan; rage at Nero for taking away everything; bottomless sorrow of being part of an endangered species; comfort and a different sort of attraction and maybe, love, Kirk doesn’t know if he can call it that (he never felt it before), for Uhura; aggravation at what Kirk did back on the bridge and maybe a hint of gratitude?
It’s accidental, Spock’s still compromised emotionally, Kirk realizes. The feelings with the images aren’t important; he forces them to stay down as Spock feeds him directly a visual map of the Narada and Pike’s location. Spock’s not in complete control of his emotions, yet. He’s focusing everything on the mission. It’s the only reason why Kirk sees everything that transpired along before he and Scotty beamed onto the Enterprise (even before the destruction of Vulcan) with what information Spock is intentionally giving him.
Maybe it’s a side effect of the previous mind meld with the other Spock. Maybe it’s because there’s something between him and Spock (regardless of reality) but whatever it is, Kirk knows more about this Spock than he would have ever thought after the hearing back in the academy.
When Spock releases him, Kirk barely stops himself from flinging away but he can’t help feel unbalanced, weak. He falls to his knees. Raising a hand, he barks out, “I’m fine. I’ve got it. Let’s go.”
Spock doesn’t move, “I apologize.”
Kirk stops him from continuing by forcing himself to stand, not letting Spock touch him; he doesn’t know what would happen if they touched. He doesn’t need the Vulcan to worry about him. They have a job to do. He knows what phase three is and how it’s going to go down.
“Come on. Let’s find that ship.” Kirk nods at Spock and runs to where the Red Matter and the other Spock’s ship should be. He glances back when Spock doesn’t move to follow. “Spock! Let’s go!” It’s enough to break the Vulcan’s reverie. Spock stops studying the hand that made contact with Kirk’s face and races after him.
Together, they fire at any Romulans that get in their way without a word to each other, using that same familiarity they felt when they first beamed onto the Narada to find the craft and the Matter.
They find the ship easily enough, taking down more of the Romulans before boarding. Kirk’s mind continues spinning from the mind meld but Spock doesn’t suspect a thing. Or he hopes the Vulcan doesn’t. Using every cell in his brain, he forces himself to think of the mission and focus on what they need to do.
They pause for a moment, staring in awe at the futuristic design of a ship they’ve never seen before. The area is surprisingly empty but Kirk doesn’t drop his guard as they run toward the ramp. He lets Spock go in first before following.
“I foresee a complication. The design of this ship is much more advanced than I anticipated,” says Spock, glancing around, studying each and every single instrument as the ship’s computer immediately speaks as they enter the main room of the ship.
“Voice print and face recognition analysis enabled. Welcome back, Ambassador Spock.”
Kirk doesn’t look at the Vulcan, not that Spock is staring at him. “Wow, that’s weird.” He moves past his Science Officer, knowing that his surprise isn’t as genuine as he would have liked but they don’t have the time for him to fake authentic shock, not that he actually tried.
Striding to where the pilot seat is, staring at the instrument panel and the controls, he hears Spock ask, “Computer. What is your manufacturing origin?” There’s a slight hint of something in the Vulcan’s voice but Kirk ignores it, modifying the original plan and the next step in it.
“Stardate twenty-three eighty-seven, commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy.”
Kirk glances back just as Spock strides purposely toward him before looking out the window, searching for more Romulans. “It appears you have been keeping important information from me.”
As soon as Spock reaches him, Kirk turns and faces him, immediately firing a question of his own, not bothering to defend himself, “You will be able fly this thing, right?”
“Something tells I already have.”
It’s not a standoff, Kirk notes distantly. For the first time, there’s no hint of aggravation or anger. Irritation and annoyance maybe but they cannot argue, cannot fight with each other-too much depended on them. He stares evenly at Spock for a moment. Kirk turns, starting to walk away and off the ship, “Good luck.”
“Jim.”
Kirk stops in mid-stride, turning to look back at Spock. There’s surprise that Spock would call him that but he doesn’t show it. Doesn’t think about it. He takes a step toward the Vulcan.
“The statistical likelihood of our plan will succeed is less than four point three percent.”
“It’ll work,” Kirk says, starting to walk off but Spock strides toward him, face determined. He already knows what the Commander would say, most likely due to their recent mind meld.
“In the event I do not return, please tell Lieutenant Uhura-”
“Spock, it’ll work.” Kirk leaves with a twitch of his lips, running off the ship, only stopping when he’s outside to stare at the cockpit and watches it take off. It’s up to him to save Pike and Spock to do what’s needed with the drill. He can only trust that the other parts of the plan will go smoothly. Instinctively, Kirk knows that Spock would get the job done.
Gun, lowered, Kirk’s weary eyes scan the corridor. To get to Pike, he had to go through the Bridge of the Narada, easier said than done. He could have gone through a different direction to get to the same area but not only was this the fastest, he just might be able to order Nero to surrender. Yeah, right. Kirk’s not confident at all about that but it’s worth the shot. He has to try.
Interweaving through two columns, he spies something to his right and turns, hands low. Nero. The Romulan doesn’t speak but stares at him evenly, not moving. Raising his gun, breathing heavy, he takes a step toward Nero’s direction. In a low authoritive voice, Kirk orders, “Nero, order your men or I will-Aah!”
Pain flares, his body thrown against the ground. So much for knowing his surroundings, that’ll be a hard point deduction if this was a examination. It’s not. His phaser slides out of his hand, the force enough to slide it to the edge of the platform and over it. Kirk groans in pain, thankful that he didn’t fall on his head as Nero rushes over to him, leaping from platform to platform to stand above him. At first he does nothing, he says, “I know your face.” He breathes deep. “From Earth’s history.”
Nero hefts him off the platform and throws him like a bale of hay. Kirk grunts, back hitting against the steel enough to take his breath away. He doesn’t have the chance to take in more air before Nero grabs him by the collar, kneeing him hard in the stomach, once more before using a forceful elbow to strike just below Kirk’s shoulder. Kirk falls, face first down back onto the platform. He’s so going to be black and blue in the morning.
The Romulan circles around him like a predator while he tries to force himself to stand. Nero again tries to grab him. Kirk lashes out with a punch, smacking hard against Nero’s face, forceful enough for Nero to whirl around. Nero retaliates with a hook of his own, Kirk falls, rolling over to the next platform, gasping for breath.
Hands encircle his throat, tightening with a driven force not unlike earlier when a Vulcan did the same. Kirk tries to get the hands off him, holding tightly to Nero’s wrists, gasping. “James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the USS Enterprise but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of just like I did your father.”
Kirk knows his face is turning blue. He glares, grunting, when Nero mentions his father. A flash of another life (one that he didn’t lived) overlaps the image of the murderous look above him. Maybe it’s his blurred vision playing with him but he sees himself back on the Enterprise, only he’s dressed in Command Gold. He’s older and smiling. He hears himself talking to someone about his father, a man he never knew because of this damn Romulan. Kirk struggles more against Nero, trying to fight, trying to breathe. He refuses to let this bastard kill him.
A voice over the intercom grabs Nero’s attention, “Captain Nero. The Vulcan ship has been taken. The Drill has been destroyed.” The hands on his throat are gone. Kirk takes deep, loud breaths. The air burns in his lungs. His vision blurs; he focus only on getting more oxygen back into his body as Nero screams Spock’s name in rage. The Romulan yells it again. Kirk looks around, ready to take on Nero again but Nero turns and leaps off the platform to one several feet below.
Kirk sits up, leaning against the platform he was on earlier. He lifts his head, catching the sight of an armed Romulan holding a rifle. The Romulan approaches but his gun isn’t aimed at him. He only takes a moment to think before he scrabbles to stand. Glancing to the side, Kirk jumps the distance to a platform on the other side of the ship some several meters away and below.
He barely makes it. His arms grapple at the steel for a hold to pull himself fully on top of the platform. The Romulan lands a meter away from his hands and turns to face him. Pulled up by the neck, Kirk groans, knowing full well this could be the end. He’s too tired to put up a good fight. The Romulan’s grip on his neck tightens. Kirk curses inwardly that everyone is making those figurative strangling too literal.
“Your species is even weaker than I expected.” Kirk groans, grunting, gripping hard on the Romulan’s wrist with one hand, a futile attempt to try and get him to let him go.
Kirk chokes out a retort but the grip on his neck is too tight.
“You can’t even speak,” the Romulan smirks evily. Kirk growls and grunts again, glaring into the Romulan as his face is pulled closer.
“I got your gun,” Kirk grunts. He fires.
He falls but his arms manage to hang onto the platform as the Romulan falls over the edge. Kirk gasps, gripping hard onto the steel, pulling himself off the edge with everything he still has. Throwing his legs onto the platform, he takes a shuddering breath and spies the Romulan handgun in front of him. He grabs it, stands and runs off.
His throat throbs. He needs to stop giving other people openings to choke him. It’s going to bruise terribly in the morning-if there is a morning. He shakes his head to get rid of the thought and focuses on the corridor before him. The Romulan gun doesn’t fit his grip as much as his phaser but he’s not complaining. A gun is a gun. His sight is blurred but it’s nothing another shake of his head won’t take care of. Bones always did say he had a thick skull.
Finally reaching the room, Kirk does an immediate scan of the area before shooting a Romulan dead. Rushing to Pike, Kirk holsters the weapon and stares down. The older man is horrible and obviously in pain but thankfully alive and coherent.
“What are you doing here?”
Kirk gives a slight smirk, “Just following orders.” As if that was the answer to everything, even from someone like him who is still probably on the verge of being expelled once everything is over.
His sight glazes over just as he’s starting to unbuckle the straps holding the captain down when suddenly Pike takes his gun from his holster, sitting up to fire at two Romulans that appears behind him. Kirk only gapes in response and stares. Pike falls back onto the slab. Kirk hurries with taking the rest of the restraints off. Gathering Pike into his arms once the last strap is undone, Kirk picks his captain off the hunk of metal board, holding onto the older man’s torso in a secure grip, Pike’s arm draped over his shoulders just as Kirk calls out, “Enterprise now.”
The familiar lights of being energized are all he sees before he and Pike appear in the transporter room. Kirk glances to the left and sees Spock. Kirk breathes heavily, a large grin on his face grows as he starts to help the Captain off the platform, “Nice timing, Scotty.”
The engineer breaks out in laughter, “Ha, ha, ha! I’ve never beamed three people from two targets onto one pod before.” The doors open and Bones rushes in, medical personal behind him.
“Jim!”
“Bones,” Kirk calls out, deep and hoarse. He hands McCoy the injured Pike.
“I’ve got him,” is all he hears from the very same man who stowed him onto the Enterprise before he rushes after Spock to the Bridge.
He enters with Spock at his side (another familiarity that Kirk pushes to the side to focus on the task at hand). Chekov’s already smiling, turning toward him the new arrivals on the bridge, “Keptin! The enemy ship is losing power. Their shields are down, sir.”
Kirk dropped his grin well before stepping onto the bridge (It wouldn’t be good to appear too cocky and arrogant, yet. It’s still not over). He strides forward, not looking at anything or anyone. He only has eyes for the main viewscreen. There’s a seriousness and authority in his voice as he speaks, “Hail them now.”
“Aye.”
Standing in front of the helm console, he waits with Spock at his side. It doesn’t take long for Nero to appear, showing his ugly mug. “This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. Too close to the singularity to survive without assistance which we are willing to provide.” He could feel everyone on the bridge stare at him in surprise. He knows none of them thought he would say that to Nero after everything that happened.
Spock turns toward him, facing away from the viewscreen, whispering low, “Captain, what are you doing?”
Kirk answers without hesitation, turning slightly away himself , “Show them compassion might be the only way to achieving peace with the Romulus. It’s logic, Spock. Don’t you like that?”
The Vulcan shrugs in a very human gesture, his expression still without emotion, “No, not really. Not this time.”
Nero speaks and they turn in unison, “I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.”
That’s all he needed, Kirk manages to keep the grin off his face long enough to say, “You got it.” Turning to walk to the command chair, he orders, “Arm phasers, fire everything we got.”
“Yes, sir.”
The chair feels more comfortable than it did when Spock told him to get out of it before but Kirk doesn’t think dwell too much about what happened in the past (even recent past). He watches the Narada fall apart on the viewscreen, bits and pieces breaking apart and disappearing until only a black hole remains. Red letters appear (Warning, Gravitational Pull), blinking with aggression and urgency while a noise starts to beep. Kirk doesn’t take the time to think, he just says, “Sulu, take us home.”
“Yes, sir.”
Rather than forward, they don’t move. They’re not warping. Kirk’s eyes remain forward but he sees the frustration and grim lines on Sulu’s face and the apprehension on his navigator’s. “Why aren’t we at warp?”
Chekov answers, “We are, sir.”
“Kirk to engineering. Get us out of here, Scotty.”
“You bet’cher ass, Captain.” Kirk could hear the desperation in the Scot’s voice. Whatever the engineer’s doing he’s out of breath but nothing’s happening, “Captain, we’re caught in a gravity well. It’s got us!”
“Go to maximum warp!”
“I’m givin’ it all she’s got, Captain!”
The bridge starts cracking, everyone’s looking at them. Kirk glances at cracks before dragging his stare back to the viewscreen, determined not to let anything distract him. He doesn’t think, he only commands. He’s no longer some punk. He’s a Captain of a flagship with a crew depending on him. He keeps his head clear, forcing the memory flashes and occasional blurred vision away to concentrate. “All she’s got isn’t good enough! What else you got?”
“Um, okay, if we eject the core and detonate the blast could be enough to push us away. I cannot promise anything though!”
Everyone on the bridge looks at him. Kirk only takes a second, a moment to think, eyes still forward; he yells, “Doitdoitdoit!”
There’s only a moment that that he waits with bated breath before his body slams against the back of the chair from the force of the core’s detonation. The Enterprise becomes engulfed in electric blue, vibrations shaking the ship, about to tear her apart. There’s silence. He takes a deep breath and waits for death or salvation. Kirk doesn’t look at his crew, doesn’t apologize for his actions (if they are the wrong ones). He focuses on the now. There’s nothing else he could do.
Then they break through (it felt like forever when only it was mere seconds), escaping the blue explosion. There’s only the vast of space speckled with stars on the viewscreen. He forces himself to breath, to remember how before he turns toward Spock’s station. Spock nods and Kirk turns forward again, grinning wide at Sulu who returns it to Chekov.
Kirk starts to laugh.
Once everything calms down and the Enterprise is on her way back to Earth, Kirk takes a detour to the nearest empty sleeping quarters. His head throbs, blurred vision becoming worse. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stay conscious for long. It’s been a long day, week even. They’re going home. For the first time since the hearing, Kirk can finally breathe and not worry about anything.
When he falls onto the crisp sheets that cover the lone bed, it feels like heaven. The smell is homely and comforting. Kirk knows he should go see Bones but not yet. He doesn’t know if Pike is stable and he doesn’t want to get in the way. There are still injured personnel on the Enterprise. His headache can wait, nothing some sleep can cure.
A knock on the door jolts him into a sitting position. Kirk groans, holding his head, rubbing his temples. He doesn’t have time for this but he’s Acting Captain. “No rest for the weary, huh?” He grumbles softly, pushing himself off the bed, pausing in front of the mirror.
A tired man stares back at him with dark purple bruises on his face and neck. His body hurts, aches with exhaustion that’s more mental than physical. He had been running on adrenaline alone after getting off Delta Vega. Now, all the adrenaline is gone and he can barely stand, not that he won’t make the effort. “Computer. Lights at thirty percent.”
The computer complies; he opens the door, hiding a wince as the much brighter corridor’s light spills into his darken sanctuary. “Anything you need, Spock?”
Spock stares at him evenly, “May I enter, Captain?”
“Jim,” Kirk corrects absently, already moving aside, hiding a yawn and failing, a slight pronounced unbalance is in his stance. “Is everything alright? Scotty hasn’t accidentally hit the self-destruct, right?”
Walking pass the Vulcan, Kirk takes a seat next to the desk (less chance of him falling down on his face) and stares at the Science Officer, wondering why he was there and not with, say Uhura for some private quality time. Isn’t that what serious people in a relationship do when one just escapes the brink of death? Not that he would know anything. Kirk never had a serious relationship in his life, nor does he plan to, memories that are not his aside.
The Vulcan nods and says, “Jim” as if tasting the word and how it feels on his tongue. Absurd but Kirk’s out of it enough that he doesn’t give it as much as a damn as he would have normally. Come to think it, Spock called him that back on the Narada.
Kirk shrugs, wishing for some caffeine or anything to drink. Maybe some beer or scotch but there’s none in the room. Bones probably would just curse at him if he drank anyway. Alcohol and his spinning head probably isn’t the best combination in the damn universe. It’s only a matter of time before Bones comes and finds him. He’s already resigned to that but all he wants now is to sleep without interruption. A certain Vulcan ruined his plans but Kirk doesn’t mind, not after everything that just happened on that Romulan ship.
Leaning back into the shadows, grateful that Spock doesn’t request the computer to brighten the lights, Kirk studies the doubled-vision of his Science Officer as he stands on the opposite wall. Spock’s stiff and formal, professional but Kirk knows better. Those flashes he gained from what happened on Delta Vega aren’t so easily pushed aside now. The knowledge of the other Spock’s mannerisms is the key to understanding his Spock’s. Granted, those memories are part of the reason he wants to collapse and sleep until they’re back at the academy (maybe for just eternity) but this conversation is important if Kirk’s reading Spock right.
“I wish to apologize for my actions.” Kirk barely forces himself to not wince. He knows what Spock wants to discuss now. Should have seen it the moment, he entered the room. Maybe since they escaped the gravitational pull of the black hole, probably since Spock did what they had to before finding the Red Matter. “It was not right of me to enforce a mind meld with you.”
“Forget about it,” Kirk waves it off, “whatever you did was the fastest way to give me the intell, right?” He rolls a shoulder, tilting his head up to study the stark ceiling above him (is it supposed to be speckled, or just one color?).
“You were unbalanced after the meld.” Kirk feels Spock’s eyes staring hard on him but he doesn’t meet the Vulcan’s gaze.
“Call it first time jitters. Wasn’t prepared for it.”
“I may have enabled emotional transference with you as I gave the information of the Narada.”
“Not a problem. Look, Spock,” Kirk meets his Science Officer’s eyes finally, pushing away tiredness for serious authority, “we did what we had to do. Emotional transference, whatever. I believe I made it an order?” It’s a battle of wills. “You gave me what I needed to know. We got the mission done. We’re alive. Nothing else to say.”
Spock straightens more, if possible, hands clasped behind his back. “The melding of minds is something that is not taken lightly. I have not shielded my mind properly, if I am to analyze your reaction correctly. I have, possibly, given you pain.” The Science Officer’s voice is even but Kirk knows concern is hidden somewhere in the Vulcan’s tone. “It was wrong of me to do so.”
Kirk takes a breath and looks away, pausing all movement until the room stops spinning. He needs to get looked at, or sleep. He wants sleep. “Then I forgive you.” Even if there is nothing to forgive. They only melded for seconds, less time than when he did it on Delta Vega. Maybe his mind was more open, more receptive due to the first meld. Maybe Spock wasn’t in complete control of himself and his emotions. Whatever transpired wasn’t as bad as the first but Kirk knows enough transferred into his brain to know his Spock a bit more than he did before.
“Only proves that you can feel. Not that I doubted it after you almost killed me earlier. I demand a rematch, by the way. Kicking your ass is the only way we’ll make even.” Kirk grins, trying to light the serious atmosphere that’s quickly suffocating him. “But if we’re on the topic of what the fuck you did to me, is that emotional mumbo-jumbo transferring-thing the reason why you called me Jim back there? Don’t think I gave you permission, Mr. Spock.”
An eyebrow twitches. Spock inclines his head, “I must admit, it felt… natural to do so after touching your mind. However, if you wish to spar, I would only suggest that you see Mr. McCoy first.”
“Yeah, whatever, he’s busy. I’m fine. Bones’ll just kick me out anyway,” Kirk scoffs, closing his eyes. He resists the urge to hold his head. Is it him or was the throbbing getting worse? “Is that all?”
“No, I would… like to test a theory.” Kirk eyes Spock warily, as the Science Officer takes a step toward him. “If I may, I wish to-“
“No.” Kirk doesn’t bother to stop himself from glaring at the outstretched hand. “Whatever your theory is, you can shove it. I think once is enough, Spock.”
Spock’s mouth becomes a fine line before he speaks, “Captain. I admit there was an… openness I felt when I melded my mind with yours. I wish to explore it. It is something I have not encountered before.”
Probably another side effect of the first meld, Kirk sighs.
“Couldn’t you like, do it with Uhura?” He winces inwardly as Spock’s eyes harden as if offended at the thought. Now that’s something to think about when he has a clearer head but now he’s focusing on Spock’s still body posture. The Vulcan’s hand is still raised. Kirk waits for it to drop. It doesn’t. “I’m tired. Exhausted, actually. It’s been a long day. I’m sure there’s stuff that needs your looking after so how about we continue this, say, another day?”
Spock stares at him. Kirk feels like a microbe under the eyepiece of a microscope. “I could, potentially remove what transference I unwittingly gave to you earlier so you may rest easily.”
Kirk stands, straightening to his full height with a slight puff of his chest, grateful that he managed not to sway, though the room still spins. “I said no. Whatever you did, I’ll deal.” It doesn’t stop Spock from reaching up. Warm fingertips grace his cheek before Kirk flinches and looks away, taking a step back, stumbling onto the chair, head colliding with the backrest with a thud.
The Vulcan stares at him. Kirk knows he’s confused. He settles for a glare and scowl. “Don’t make me order you out, Spock. Not when we’re just starting to get to know each other.”
“I will take my leave.” Spock pauses for a moment before leaving the room entirely.
The door hisses close and Kirk sighs, hand cradling his head. He stares at his other hand and sees fifteen fingers instead of five. He’s out of it. Concussed, maybe, hitting the backrest probably ensured it. There’s a ringing in his ears. Pushing himself off the floor, Kirk barely makes it to the bed before he blacks out.
“Dammit, Jim. You should’ve seen me earlier.”
Kirk groans at the sight of Bones leaning over him. “Huh. Did you know you’re starting to grey early?” He grins while Bone scowls, obviously stopping himself from whacking Kirk in the head.
“Your fault. All your fault,” McCoy continues to swear but Kirk ignores him, noticing that he’s still in the same room as before. “Masochistic idiot, you tryin’ to make this all difficult for me?”
Kirk flinches when fingers touch his face, even if they’re covered with ointment. He turns his head to the side, trying to sit up. “You need the challenge,” Kirk jokes with a smirk, noting that McCoy caught his flinch, “Can’t let you lose your touch. Gotta keep you on your toes, Bones. Besides, I’m your favorite patient, aren’t I?”
“To hell you are. You’re just my most frequent,” Bone scowls, shaking his head, trying to apply the ointment again.
He slaps the doctor’s hand away, “How’s Pike?” Kirk glances at the clock. They should be nearing Earth soon.
“Stable. Now hold still or you’ll be black and blue when we land.”
“Now there’s an idea. Could garner some sympathy from the Board.” Kirk chuckles, dodging Bones’s hands. “Just how many regulations did I break anyway?” He doesn’t listen to Bones answer. All he knows is that the events that happened changed him. Changed all of them but probably himself the most. He’s not the same cadet he was when they were on Earth and Kirk knows he’s got the baggage to show it. “Last time I checked I was about to be expelled. Or suspended.”
Bones scoffs, deciding to give up on Kirk’s face and focus on his neck. Kirk lets him. “Technically you’re not supposed to here, not that you care about that now. Don’t worry about, pointy-eared-bastard’s probably going to drop the charges.”
“Probably.” Kirk shrugs, yawning. “He’s a stubborn bastard.”
His eyes start to droop. Kirk falls back onto the bed, slapping Bones’s hand when it nears his face absently. “Wake me up when we’re planetside, well ya, Bones?” Pulling the bed covers from under him, Kirk turns onto his side for more rest. “And tell Spock he’s got the Bridge. I’m gonna sleep off this headache.”
Bones curses but leaves. Kirk acknowledges the hiss of the door closing, falling back onto the bed.
He dreams of another life that’s both his and not, of memories of another reality and of recent events. Kirk only hopes when he wakes that they won’t bother his waking life much, now that he has the time to actually dwell on them.
Author: Meri (mercy_slays/luciferhisaki
Rating: PG-13 (I guess? There’s some curse words. I hate rating my fics that aren’t smut.)
Fandom: Star Trek XI
Pairing: Gen. Spock/Uhura references. Possible Kirk+Spock implications Doubt it.
Summary: In which we find out how Kirk knew where Pike’s location is in the Narada. And part of the aftermath of how he found out.
Disclaimer: Nope. Not mine. Wish it was but it’s not. Maybe in some alternate universe.
Word Count: 6205
Notes: Although only the first and second to last (and maybe the last) scenes are relevant to the fic, this was written to suggest a theory and possibly solidify this theory into my own personal headcanon for other fics I plan to write in this fandom. I have not read much on the details of the mind meld so my facts could be wrong but I’ll be taking artistic licensing on that. This is my first fic for Star Trek and although I never really watched the Original series, I have watched TNG and Voyager. I also admit that there might be some Out of Character bits but I tried. I also have taken dialogue directly from the movie and made my own version of novelizing some scenes from the movie. I hope you all enjoy this? Finally I can get back to writing responses to the kink meme, even if some of them already have responses.
“Yeah, I gotcha.”
His eyes follow Spock’s movements to the unconscious Romulan, struck down by his phaser. For a moment, they can breathe but he knows that time is short. He didn’t give Spock an order to do what he needed, just told him to do it-they’ve come a long way since the incident on the bridge only moments before (Kirk’s not surprised. It’s almost as if they did it before, covering each other’s back. They’re in sync, just like them.) Automatically, he switches his phaser’s setting to lethality, crouching low on the floor, eyes’ alert for more Romulans to appear and attack them. He’s not thinking about anything but what has to be done, what’s needed.
The flashes from before with that other Spock are still present-he’s still thinking about them-but he’s not focused on anything but the familiarity, the easiness of having Spock (his universe’s Spock fighting with him, rather than against him). Whatever backlash from that mind meld-thing, Kirk uses it as an advantage. Makes things easier if he knows what Spock is going to do. Thorough training for combat from the academy helps too.
Kirk watches, apprehensive but focused and determined, as Spock places his fingers in a formation that he’s familiar and not familiar with. He can’t tell if it’s the same gesture the other Spock used on him but he knows enough that it’s a mind meld, or something like it.
A Romulan appears behind Spock. Kirk rushes, firing without hesitation, without thinking. There’s only the mission and what they need to do. They’re running out of time. He knows the Romulan’s dead before even hitting the ground. It’s not a headshot but close enough that an instructor wouldn’t mark him down, Kirk absently muses, eyes darting from side to side, phaser aimed at the dead Romulan as he moves toward the Science Officer. Nearing Spock, Kirk’s arms and body move instinctively from left to right, ensuring the best shot he could do while covering Spock’s back. He kneels and looks back toward where he came from before darting a glance at Spock.
“Do you know where it is,” Kirk whispers low, finger ready to pull the trigger again. He breathes heavily from exertion and apprehension, “The black hole device?”
In the corner of his eye, Spock’s eyes open. The Vulcan lifts his head, starting to stand, “And Captain Pike.”
That’s the only warning Kirk gets when Spock starts rushing in some presumed random direction. He nails down a few more Romulans as soon as they appear, giving Spock time to draw out his weapon again.
“That’s good, is he alive?” Kirk only takes the tiniest of glances at the Commander before ducking into a hallway to avoid fire from the Romulans. Spock lunges behind the console on the other side. Breathing for a moment, he flings back into the open and fires back at the Romulans while Spock snipes the incoming reinforcements. Oh yeah, they’re getting along fine-real swell even, Kirk smirks inwardly, running to Spock’s side. “Well?”
“Unknown. I only have the location of the Captain.” Spock doesn’t look at him. Kirk only spares him a look before firing back at the Romulans.
Seconds tick by as more Romulans start to fall down (dead), Kirk’s impatience wanes; he snaps “So where is he? We came to rescue him, too, Spock.”
“We need to get to the black hole device first. I do not have the time to explain. We must hurry.”
Kirk scowls in frustration. “I know that. Look, we’re going after that first, yes, fine and dandy but I need to know where Pike’s location is. Remember the plan!” The temptation to put his own hands around Spock’s neck is alluring but Kirk refrains, barely. Kirk looks up at Spock, an idea coming to mind, and stares at the Vulcan. He lies, “So what can you do to give me his location quick?”
Spock pauses, lowering his phaser to study him. Kirk schools his face to determined focus with a hint of impatience and urgency. A memory that’s not his comes to the surface of his mind before he pushes it away.
It’s the only way and it might just be possible to not give anything to Spock. It’s a theory. He doesn’t know anything about what Vulcans do and what the mind meld really is outside memories he hasn’t had the time to think about (memories that belong and don’t belong to him). He knows what he’s asking but Spock doesn’t know it and by all means, Kirk knows that he shouldn’t know it. The joys of meeting with a Spock that’s from the future, Kirk knows a lot of things that (his) Spock believes he won’t know about.
He also knows how it feels to have a mind touch his and the backlash of it. If Kirk had the choice, he wouldn’t ask for it. Never would ask for it. He would refuse long before Spock would finish asking.
But they don’t have time and it’s no longer about what he wants but what’s needed to be done.
They can’t go after Pike together. Pike can’t come first. The drill has to be sabotaged immediately and Enterprise can’t come any closer without being attacked by the Narada. The next phase of the plan-the mission-is to find the ship, (older) Spock’s ship, secure it while one of them went after Pike, then destroy the drill before it’s too late. They had to get the Red Matter in their hands or the plan would fail.
Kirk stares evenly, unwavering into Spock’s gaze.
Spock nods finally, as if he relented on something that would have taken days (years, even) to make a decision on. He reaches out, “There is a faster way. I will give you the Captain’s location and what I know of the ship’s layout. You are correct. We must continue with the mission.” Kirk forces himself not to flinch when fingers touch above and below his eye.
He closes his eyes and prepares (body stiffening, blood pulse quickening; he manages to keep his breathing somewhat even), instinctively trusting Spock with a familiarity that is not his. He doesn’t have time to question. He cannot do anything to stop Spock. He asked for this. No backing down.
Kirk forces himself not to think of anything but what Spock-this Spock-gives him. He only hopes that he won’t give Spock anything from this but time’s running out. “Do it.”
The Vulcan starts to speak but he can’t hear his voice, or maybe he doesn’t want to. Images flash in his mind, Kirk sees a woman with fear in her eyes before the scene changes to Uhura in a classroom with a coy smile; McCoy aggravated and angry, mouth moving; Chekov apologizing with his head bowed; Sulu staring seriously with a grim face at space, as Enterprise makes her way to the rest of the Fleet.
Fear. Despair. Contentment. Annoyance. Acceptance. Resignation. Determination. Rage, Anger. Hatred. Love.
Love for a mother, despair at not being able to save her; annoyance at outbursts that have need not be said; hatred at those who destroyed Vulcan; rage at Nero for taking away everything; bottomless sorrow of being part of an endangered species; comfort and a different sort of attraction and maybe, love, Kirk doesn’t know if he can call it that (he never felt it before), for Uhura; aggravation at what Kirk did back on the bridge and maybe a hint of gratitude?
It’s accidental, Spock’s still compromised emotionally, Kirk realizes. The feelings with the images aren’t important; he forces them to stay down as Spock feeds him directly a visual map of the Narada and Pike’s location. Spock’s not in complete control of his emotions, yet. He’s focusing everything on the mission. It’s the only reason why Kirk sees everything that transpired along before he and Scotty beamed onto the Enterprise (even before the destruction of Vulcan) with what information Spock is intentionally giving him.
Maybe it’s a side effect of the previous mind meld with the other Spock. Maybe it’s because there’s something between him and Spock (regardless of reality) but whatever it is, Kirk knows more about this Spock than he would have ever thought after the hearing back in the academy.
When Spock releases him, Kirk barely stops himself from flinging away but he can’t help feel unbalanced, weak. He falls to his knees. Raising a hand, he barks out, “I’m fine. I’ve got it. Let’s go.”
Spock doesn’t move, “I apologize.”
Kirk stops him from continuing by forcing himself to stand, not letting Spock touch him; he doesn’t know what would happen if they touched. He doesn’t need the Vulcan to worry about him. They have a job to do. He knows what phase three is and how it’s going to go down.
“Come on. Let’s find that ship.” Kirk nods at Spock and runs to where the Red Matter and the other Spock’s ship should be. He glances back when Spock doesn’t move to follow. “Spock! Let’s go!” It’s enough to break the Vulcan’s reverie. Spock stops studying the hand that made contact with Kirk’s face and races after him.
Together, they fire at any Romulans that get in their way without a word to each other, using that same familiarity they felt when they first beamed onto the Narada to find the craft and the Matter.
They find the ship easily enough, taking down more of the Romulans before boarding. Kirk’s mind continues spinning from the mind meld but Spock doesn’t suspect a thing. Or he hopes the Vulcan doesn’t. Using every cell in his brain, he forces himself to think of the mission and focus on what they need to do.
They pause for a moment, staring in awe at the futuristic design of a ship they’ve never seen before. The area is surprisingly empty but Kirk doesn’t drop his guard as they run toward the ramp. He lets Spock go in first before following.
“I foresee a complication. The design of this ship is much more advanced than I anticipated,” says Spock, glancing around, studying each and every single instrument as the ship’s computer immediately speaks as they enter the main room of the ship.
“Voice print and face recognition analysis enabled. Welcome back, Ambassador Spock.”
Kirk doesn’t look at the Vulcan, not that Spock is staring at him. “Wow, that’s weird.” He moves past his Science Officer, knowing that his surprise isn’t as genuine as he would have liked but they don’t have the time for him to fake authentic shock, not that he actually tried.
Striding to where the pilot seat is, staring at the instrument panel and the controls, he hears Spock ask, “Computer. What is your manufacturing origin?” There’s a slight hint of something in the Vulcan’s voice but Kirk ignores it, modifying the original plan and the next step in it.
“Stardate twenty-three eighty-seven, commissioned by the Vulcan Science Academy.”
Kirk glances back just as Spock strides purposely toward him before looking out the window, searching for more Romulans. “It appears you have been keeping important information from me.”
As soon as Spock reaches him, Kirk turns and faces him, immediately firing a question of his own, not bothering to defend himself, “You will be able fly this thing, right?”
“Something tells I already have.”
It’s not a standoff, Kirk notes distantly. For the first time, there’s no hint of aggravation or anger. Irritation and annoyance maybe but they cannot argue, cannot fight with each other-too much depended on them. He stares evenly at Spock for a moment. Kirk turns, starting to walk away and off the ship, “Good luck.”
“Jim.”
Kirk stops in mid-stride, turning to look back at Spock. There’s surprise that Spock would call him that but he doesn’t show it. Doesn’t think about it. He takes a step toward the Vulcan.
“The statistical likelihood of our plan will succeed is less than four point three percent.”
“It’ll work,” Kirk says, starting to walk off but Spock strides toward him, face determined. He already knows what the Commander would say, most likely due to their recent mind meld.
“In the event I do not return, please tell Lieutenant Uhura-”
“Spock, it’ll work.” Kirk leaves with a twitch of his lips, running off the ship, only stopping when he’s outside to stare at the cockpit and watches it take off. It’s up to him to save Pike and Spock to do what’s needed with the drill. He can only trust that the other parts of the plan will go smoothly. Instinctively, Kirk knows that Spock would get the job done.
Gun, lowered, Kirk’s weary eyes scan the corridor. To get to Pike, he had to go through the Bridge of the Narada, easier said than done. He could have gone through a different direction to get to the same area but not only was this the fastest, he just might be able to order Nero to surrender. Yeah, right. Kirk’s not confident at all about that but it’s worth the shot. He has to try.
Interweaving through two columns, he spies something to his right and turns, hands low. Nero. The Romulan doesn’t speak but stares at him evenly, not moving. Raising his gun, breathing heavy, he takes a step toward Nero’s direction. In a low authoritive voice, Kirk orders, “Nero, order your men or I will-Aah!”
Pain flares, his body thrown against the ground. So much for knowing his surroundings, that’ll be a hard point deduction if this was a examination. It’s not. His phaser slides out of his hand, the force enough to slide it to the edge of the platform and over it. Kirk groans in pain, thankful that he didn’t fall on his head as Nero rushes over to him, leaping from platform to platform to stand above him. At first he does nothing, he says, “I know your face.” He breathes deep. “From Earth’s history.”
Nero hefts him off the platform and throws him like a bale of hay. Kirk grunts, back hitting against the steel enough to take his breath away. He doesn’t have the chance to take in more air before Nero grabs him by the collar, kneeing him hard in the stomach, once more before using a forceful elbow to strike just below Kirk’s shoulder. Kirk falls, face first down back onto the platform. He’s so going to be black and blue in the morning.
The Romulan circles around him like a predator while he tries to force himself to stand. Nero again tries to grab him. Kirk lashes out with a punch, smacking hard against Nero’s face, forceful enough for Nero to whirl around. Nero retaliates with a hook of his own, Kirk falls, rolling over to the next platform, gasping for breath.
Hands encircle his throat, tightening with a driven force not unlike earlier when a Vulcan did the same. Kirk tries to get the hands off him, holding tightly to Nero’s wrists, gasping. “James T. Kirk was considered to be a great man. He went on to captain the USS Enterprise but that was another life. A life I will deprive you of just like I did your father.”
Kirk knows his face is turning blue. He glares, grunting, when Nero mentions his father. A flash of another life (one that he didn’t lived) overlaps the image of the murderous look above him. Maybe it’s his blurred vision playing with him but he sees himself back on the Enterprise, only he’s dressed in Command Gold. He’s older and smiling. He hears himself talking to someone about his father, a man he never knew because of this damn Romulan. Kirk struggles more against Nero, trying to fight, trying to breathe. He refuses to let this bastard kill him.
A voice over the intercom grabs Nero’s attention, “Captain Nero. The Vulcan ship has been taken. The Drill has been destroyed.” The hands on his throat are gone. Kirk takes deep, loud breaths. The air burns in his lungs. His vision blurs; he focus only on getting more oxygen back into his body as Nero screams Spock’s name in rage. The Romulan yells it again. Kirk looks around, ready to take on Nero again but Nero turns and leaps off the platform to one several feet below.
Kirk sits up, leaning against the platform he was on earlier. He lifts his head, catching the sight of an armed Romulan holding a rifle. The Romulan approaches but his gun isn’t aimed at him. He only takes a moment to think before he scrabbles to stand. Glancing to the side, Kirk jumps the distance to a platform on the other side of the ship some several meters away and below.
He barely makes it. His arms grapple at the steel for a hold to pull himself fully on top of the platform. The Romulan lands a meter away from his hands and turns to face him. Pulled up by the neck, Kirk groans, knowing full well this could be the end. He’s too tired to put up a good fight. The Romulan’s grip on his neck tightens. Kirk curses inwardly that everyone is making those figurative strangling too literal.
“Your species is even weaker than I expected.” Kirk groans, grunting, gripping hard on the Romulan’s wrist with one hand, a futile attempt to try and get him to let him go.
Kirk chokes out a retort but the grip on his neck is too tight.
“You can’t even speak,” the Romulan smirks evily. Kirk growls and grunts again, glaring into the Romulan as his face is pulled closer.
“I got your gun,” Kirk grunts. He fires.
He falls but his arms manage to hang onto the platform as the Romulan falls over the edge. Kirk gasps, gripping hard onto the steel, pulling himself off the edge with everything he still has. Throwing his legs onto the platform, he takes a shuddering breath and spies the Romulan handgun in front of him. He grabs it, stands and runs off.
His throat throbs. He needs to stop giving other people openings to choke him. It’s going to bruise terribly in the morning-if there is a morning. He shakes his head to get rid of the thought and focuses on the corridor before him. The Romulan gun doesn’t fit his grip as much as his phaser but he’s not complaining. A gun is a gun. His sight is blurred but it’s nothing another shake of his head won’t take care of. Bones always did say he had a thick skull.
Finally reaching the room, Kirk does an immediate scan of the area before shooting a Romulan dead. Rushing to Pike, Kirk holsters the weapon and stares down. The older man is horrible and obviously in pain but thankfully alive and coherent.
“What are you doing here?”
Kirk gives a slight smirk, “Just following orders.” As if that was the answer to everything, even from someone like him who is still probably on the verge of being expelled once everything is over.
His sight glazes over just as he’s starting to unbuckle the straps holding the captain down when suddenly Pike takes his gun from his holster, sitting up to fire at two Romulans that appears behind him. Kirk only gapes in response and stares. Pike falls back onto the slab. Kirk hurries with taking the rest of the restraints off. Gathering Pike into his arms once the last strap is undone, Kirk picks his captain off the hunk of metal board, holding onto the older man’s torso in a secure grip, Pike’s arm draped over his shoulders just as Kirk calls out, “Enterprise now.”
The familiar lights of being energized are all he sees before he and Pike appear in the transporter room. Kirk glances to the left and sees Spock. Kirk breathes heavily, a large grin on his face grows as he starts to help the Captain off the platform, “Nice timing, Scotty.”
The engineer breaks out in laughter, “Ha, ha, ha! I’ve never beamed three people from two targets onto one pod before.” The doors open and Bones rushes in, medical personal behind him.
“Jim!”
“Bones,” Kirk calls out, deep and hoarse. He hands McCoy the injured Pike.
“I’ve got him,” is all he hears from the very same man who stowed him onto the Enterprise before he rushes after Spock to the Bridge.
He enters with Spock at his side (another familiarity that Kirk pushes to the side to focus on the task at hand). Chekov’s already smiling, turning toward him the new arrivals on the bridge, “Keptin! The enemy ship is losing power. Their shields are down, sir.”
Kirk dropped his grin well before stepping onto the bridge (It wouldn’t be good to appear too cocky and arrogant, yet. It’s still not over). He strides forward, not looking at anything or anyone. He only has eyes for the main viewscreen. There’s a seriousness and authority in his voice as he speaks, “Hail them now.”
“Aye.”
Standing in front of the helm console, he waits with Spock at his side. It doesn’t take long for Nero to appear, showing his ugly mug. “This is Captain James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. Your ship is compromised. Too close to the singularity to survive without assistance which we are willing to provide.” He could feel everyone on the bridge stare at him in surprise. He knows none of them thought he would say that to Nero after everything that happened.
Spock turns toward him, facing away from the viewscreen, whispering low, “Captain, what are you doing?”
Kirk answers without hesitation, turning slightly away himself , “Show them compassion might be the only way to achieving peace with the Romulus. It’s logic, Spock. Don’t you like that?”
The Vulcan shrugs in a very human gesture, his expression still without emotion, “No, not really. Not this time.”
Nero speaks and they turn in unison, “I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.”
That’s all he needed, Kirk manages to keep the grin off his face long enough to say, “You got it.” Turning to walk to the command chair, he orders, “Arm phasers, fire everything we got.”
“Yes, sir.”
The chair feels more comfortable than it did when Spock told him to get out of it before but Kirk doesn’t think dwell too much about what happened in the past (even recent past). He watches the Narada fall apart on the viewscreen, bits and pieces breaking apart and disappearing until only a black hole remains. Red letters appear (Warning, Gravitational Pull), blinking with aggression and urgency while a noise starts to beep. Kirk doesn’t take the time to think, he just says, “Sulu, take us home.”
“Yes, sir.”
Rather than forward, they don’t move. They’re not warping. Kirk’s eyes remain forward but he sees the frustration and grim lines on Sulu’s face and the apprehension on his navigator’s. “Why aren’t we at warp?”
Chekov answers, “We are, sir.”
“Kirk to engineering. Get us out of here, Scotty.”
“You bet’cher ass, Captain.” Kirk could hear the desperation in the Scot’s voice. Whatever the engineer’s doing he’s out of breath but nothing’s happening, “Captain, we’re caught in a gravity well. It’s got us!”
“Go to maximum warp!”
“I’m givin’ it all she’s got, Captain!”
The bridge starts cracking, everyone’s looking at them. Kirk glances at cracks before dragging his stare back to the viewscreen, determined not to let anything distract him. He doesn’t think, he only commands. He’s no longer some punk. He’s a Captain of a flagship with a crew depending on him. He keeps his head clear, forcing the memory flashes and occasional blurred vision away to concentrate. “All she’s got isn’t good enough! What else you got?”
“Um, okay, if we eject the core and detonate the blast could be enough to push us away. I cannot promise anything though!”
Everyone on the bridge looks at him. Kirk only takes a second, a moment to think, eyes still forward; he yells, “Doitdoitdoit!”
There’s only a moment that that he waits with bated breath before his body slams against the back of the chair from the force of the core’s detonation. The Enterprise becomes engulfed in electric blue, vibrations shaking the ship, about to tear her apart. There’s silence. He takes a deep breath and waits for death or salvation. Kirk doesn’t look at his crew, doesn’t apologize for his actions (if they are the wrong ones). He focuses on the now. There’s nothing else he could do.
Then they break through (it felt like forever when only it was mere seconds), escaping the blue explosion. There’s only the vast of space speckled with stars on the viewscreen. He forces himself to breath, to remember how before he turns toward Spock’s station. Spock nods and Kirk turns forward again, grinning wide at Sulu who returns it to Chekov.
Kirk starts to laugh.
Once everything calms down and the Enterprise is on her way back to Earth, Kirk takes a detour to the nearest empty sleeping quarters. His head throbs, blurred vision becoming worse. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to stay conscious for long. It’s been a long day, week even. They’re going home. For the first time since the hearing, Kirk can finally breathe and not worry about anything.
When he falls onto the crisp sheets that cover the lone bed, it feels like heaven. The smell is homely and comforting. Kirk knows he should go see Bones but not yet. He doesn’t know if Pike is stable and he doesn’t want to get in the way. There are still injured personnel on the Enterprise. His headache can wait, nothing some sleep can cure.
A knock on the door jolts him into a sitting position. Kirk groans, holding his head, rubbing his temples. He doesn’t have time for this but he’s Acting Captain. “No rest for the weary, huh?” He grumbles softly, pushing himself off the bed, pausing in front of the mirror.
A tired man stares back at him with dark purple bruises on his face and neck. His body hurts, aches with exhaustion that’s more mental than physical. He had been running on adrenaline alone after getting off Delta Vega. Now, all the adrenaline is gone and he can barely stand, not that he won’t make the effort. “Computer. Lights at thirty percent.”
The computer complies; he opens the door, hiding a wince as the much brighter corridor’s light spills into his darken sanctuary. “Anything you need, Spock?”
Spock stares at him evenly, “May I enter, Captain?”
“Jim,” Kirk corrects absently, already moving aside, hiding a yawn and failing, a slight pronounced unbalance is in his stance. “Is everything alright? Scotty hasn’t accidentally hit the self-destruct, right?”
Walking pass the Vulcan, Kirk takes a seat next to the desk (less chance of him falling down on his face) and stares at the Science Officer, wondering why he was there and not with, say Uhura for some private quality time. Isn’t that what serious people in a relationship do when one just escapes the brink of death? Not that he would know anything. Kirk never had a serious relationship in his life, nor does he plan to, memories that are not his aside.
The Vulcan nods and says, “Jim” as if tasting the word and how it feels on his tongue. Absurd but Kirk’s out of it enough that he doesn’t give it as much as a damn as he would have normally. Come to think it, Spock called him that back on the Narada.
Kirk shrugs, wishing for some caffeine or anything to drink. Maybe some beer or scotch but there’s none in the room. Bones probably would just curse at him if he drank anyway. Alcohol and his spinning head probably isn’t the best combination in the damn universe. It’s only a matter of time before Bones comes and finds him. He’s already resigned to that but all he wants now is to sleep without interruption. A certain Vulcan ruined his plans but Kirk doesn’t mind, not after everything that just happened on that Romulan ship.
Leaning back into the shadows, grateful that Spock doesn’t request the computer to brighten the lights, Kirk studies the doubled-vision of his Science Officer as he stands on the opposite wall. Spock’s stiff and formal, professional but Kirk knows better. Those flashes he gained from what happened on Delta Vega aren’t so easily pushed aside now. The knowledge of the other Spock’s mannerisms is the key to understanding his Spock’s. Granted, those memories are part of the reason he wants to collapse and sleep until they’re back at the academy (maybe for just eternity) but this conversation is important if Kirk’s reading Spock right.
“I wish to apologize for my actions.” Kirk barely forces himself to not wince. He knows what Spock wants to discuss now. Should have seen it the moment, he entered the room. Maybe since they escaped the gravitational pull of the black hole, probably since Spock did what they had to before finding the Red Matter. “It was not right of me to enforce a mind meld with you.”
“Forget about it,” Kirk waves it off, “whatever you did was the fastest way to give me the intell, right?” He rolls a shoulder, tilting his head up to study the stark ceiling above him (is it supposed to be speckled, or just one color?).
“You were unbalanced after the meld.” Kirk feels Spock’s eyes staring hard on him but he doesn’t meet the Vulcan’s gaze.
“Call it first time jitters. Wasn’t prepared for it.”
“I may have enabled emotional transference with you as I gave the information of the Narada.”
“Not a problem. Look, Spock,” Kirk meets his Science Officer’s eyes finally, pushing away tiredness for serious authority, “we did what we had to do. Emotional transference, whatever. I believe I made it an order?” It’s a battle of wills. “You gave me what I needed to know. We got the mission done. We’re alive. Nothing else to say.”
Spock straightens more, if possible, hands clasped behind his back. “The melding of minds is something that is not taken lightly. I have not shielded my mind properly, if I am to analyze your reaction correctly. I have, possibly, given you pain.” The Science Officer’s voice is even but Kirk knows concern is hidden somewhere in the Vulcan’s tone. “It was wrong of me to do so.”
Kirk takes a breath and looks away, pausing all movement until the room stops spinning. He needs to get looked at, or sleep. He wants sleep. “Then I forgive you.” Even if there is nothing to forgive. They only melded for seconds, less time than when he did it on Delta Vega. Maybe his mind was more open, more receptive due to the first meld. Maybe Spock wasn’t in complete control of himself and his emotions. Whatever transpired wasn’t as bad as the first but Kirk knows enough transferred into his brain to know his Spock a bit more than he did before.
“Only proves that you can feel. Not that I doubted it after you almost killed me earlier. I demand a rematch, by the way. Kicking your ass is the only way we’ll make even.” Kirk grins, trying to light the serious atmosphere that’s quickly suffocating him. “But if we’re on the topic of what the fuck you did to me, is that emotional mumbo-jumbo transferring-thing the reason why you called me Jim back there? Don’t think I gave you permission, Mr. Spock.”
An eyebrow twitches. Spock inclines his head, “I must admit, it felt… natural to do so after touching your mind. However, if you wish to spar, I would only suggest that you see Mr. McCoy first.”
“Yeah, whatever, he’s busy. I’m fine. Bones’ll just kick me out anyway,” Kirk scoffs, closing his eyes. He resists the urge to hold his head. Is it him or was the throbbing getting worse? “Is that all?”
“No, I would… like to test a theory.” Kirk eyes Spock warily, as the Science Officer takes a step toward him. “If I may, I wish to-“
“No.” Kirk doesn’t bother to stop himself from glaring at the outstretched hand. “Whatever your theory is, you can shove it. I think once is enough, Spock.”
Spock’s mouth becomes a fine line before he speaks, “Captain. I admit there was an… openness I felt when I melded my mind with yours. I wish to explore it. It is something I have not encountered before.”
Probably another side effect of the first meld, Kirk sighs.
“Couldn’t you like, do it with Uhura?” He winces inwardly as Spock’s eyes harden as if offended at the thought. Now that’s something to think about when he has a clearer head but now he’s focusing on Spock’s still body posture. The Vulcan’s hand is still raised. Kirk waits for it to drop. It doesn’t. “I’m tired. Exhausted, actually. It’s been a long day. I’m sure there’s stuff that needs your looking after so how about we continue this, say, another day?”
Spock stares at him. Kirk feels like a microbe under the eyepiece of a microscope. “I could, potentially remove what transference I unwittingly gave to you earlier so you may rest easily.”
Kirk stands, straightening to his full height with a slight puff of his chest, grateful that he managed not to sway, though the room still spins. “I said no. Whatever you did, I’ll deal.” It doesn’t stop Spock from reaching up. Warm fingertips grace his cheek before Kirk flinches and looks away, taking a step back, stumbling onto the chair, head colliding with the backrest with a thud.
The Vulcan stares at him. Kirk knows he’s confused. He settles for a glare and scowl. “Don’t make me order you out, Spock. Not when we’re just starting to get to know each other.”
“I will take my leave.” Spock pauses for a moment before leaving the room entirely.
The door hisses close and Kirk sighs, hand cradling his head. He stares at his other hand and sees fifteen fingers instead of five. He’s out of it. Concussed, maybe, hitting the backrest probably ensured it. There’s a ringing in his ears. Pushing himself off the floor, Kirk barely makes it to the bed before he blacks out.
“Dammit, Jim. You should’ve seen me earlier.”
Kirk groans at the sight of Bones leaning over him. “Huh. Did you know you’re starting to grey early?” He grins while Bone scowls, obviously stopping himself from whacking Kirk in the head.
“Your fault. All your fault,” McCoy continues to swear but Kirk ignores him, noticing that he’s still in the same room as before. “Masochistic idiot, you tryin’ to make this all difficult for me?”
Kirk flinches when fingers touch his face, even if they’re covered with ointment. He turns his head to the side, trying to sit up. “You need the challenge,” Kirk jokes with a smirk, noting that McCoy caught his flinch, “Can’t let you lose your touch. Gotta keep you on your toes, Bones. Besides, I’m your favorite patient, aren’t I?”
“To hell you are. You’re just my most frequent,” Bone scowls, shaking his head, trying to apply the ointment again.
He slaps the doctor’s hand away, “How’s Pike?” Kirk glances at the clock. They should be nearing Earth soon.
“Stable. Now hold still or you’ll be black and blue when we land.”
“Now there’s an idea. Could garner some sympathy from the Board.” Kirk chuckles, dodging Bones’s hands. “Just how many regulations did I break anyway?” He doesn’t listen to Bones answer. All he knows is that the events that happened changed him. Changed all of them but probably himself the most. He’s not the same cadet he was when they were on Earth and Kirk knows he’s got the baggage to show it. “Last time I checked I was about to be expelled. Or suspended.”
Bones scoffs, deciding to give up on Kirk’s face and focus on his neck. Kirk lets him. “Technically you’re not supposed to here, not that you care about that now. Don’t worry about, pointy-eared-bastard’s probably going to drop the charges.”
“Probably.” Kirk shrugs, yawning. “He’s a stubborn bastard.”
His eyes start to droop. Kirk falls back onto the bed, slapping Bones’s hand when it nears his face absently. “Wake me up when we’re planetside, well ya, Bones?” Pulling the bed covers from under him, Kirk turns onto his side for more rest. “And tell Spock he’s got the Bridge. I’m gonna sleep off this headache.”
Bones curses but leaves. Kirk acknowledges the hiss of the door closing, falling back onto the bed.
He dreams of another life that’s both his and not, of memories of another reality and of recent events. Kirk only hopes when he wakes that they won’t bother his waking life much, now that he has the time to actually dwell on them.