Oh No, Hell No... Alright, Fine.
Title: Oh No, Hell No... Alright, Fine.
Author: Lucifer Hisaki (mercy_slays/luciferhisaki)
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Summary: Roy wasn't expecting much...
Disclaimer: You do not have a legal suit for the whole FMA thing. So don't even try.
Word Count: 990
For: springkink's July 12th: #34. Fullmetal Alchemist, Ed/Roy: cybersex/phonesex/etc - "Who are you calling too short to fuck you long distance?!"
Oh No, Hell No... Alright, Fine.
Roy wasn’t expecting much when he was coming home after a long day at work. His lover was already off somewhere else, on a mission like usual so why would he think that anything was going to be happening upon arrival? He had a late dinner at a tavern, a nice walk through the park and a nice woman hitting on him for a date (sex, really), even when he was already taken. Not that many people knew that, if any. There was no way he was admitting to the world just yet that he was in a relationship with his subordinate, his very young subordinate that was just a few years older of “legal” age (physically).
So when his phone rang the moment he stepped into the door, Roy raised an intrigued eyebrow and wondered what the disaster was this time. Sighing into the mouth piece, he glanced around for a moment, answering briskly, “Mustang.”
“’Bout time you picked up, Colonel Shitface.” Edward. Oh yes, this is important, real important. Yeah, right. “I’ve been calling you for the last five hours, bastard.”
“Hello to you too, Fullmetal. Care to state the emergency now or would you rather I just hang up on you this time,” Roy muttered into the telephone, wondering what was the case for Ed to call him for five hours. Normally he would just call him at office if it was really critical. Apparently not this time, then again who knew.
“You better not,” he could hear the blond growl straight into his ear through the line, “There’s basically nothing up here and I thought I would be nice and tell you what’s going on, Colonel.”
Roy rolled his eye, scratching his eye-patch with the hand not holding up the telephone, “How many times do I have to tell you it’s not Colonel anymore, Fullmetal? I’m a Major General, remember? Your memory is lacking these past few years. Did the Gate take more than just a few things? Like your brain?” He chuckled lightly, taking a seat in the plush chair nearest to the phone.
“Shut it, dick. You know you’re always going to be Colonel to me,” oh yes, there was a large amount of irritation from that end of the line, “Besides, I’m not here to talk about rank. I’m bored and I want to try something.”
“Oh? And what’s that pipsqueak?”
“Who are you calling too short to fuck you long distance?!"
Roy blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. “…Did you just say I what I heard you just say?”
“Well, I did say I wanted to try something.” There was a definite smugness in the blond’s voice and Roy blushed-not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He had a reputation to uphold, after all-, thankful that he was alone in his home and not in his office.
There were strange women he dated in the past but thus far? No one had bothered to actually outright ask him to do something like that. Even his past relationship with one Maes Hughes never really went this far. (Roy put his foot down, literally, at any attempt on having this sort of encounter.) Never mind the idea that anyone could be listening. Despite Roy’s best attempts, he was very paranoid about people listening on his own home phone line. He didn’t actually call it paranoia, oh no. It was cautionary self-preservation. Particularly when you still had your sights on Fuhrership. Along with a nice piece of your resume saying that you killed the former Fuhrer (not that he was exactly human, mind you).
“Hey? You died there or something?” Alright, so he was speechless for a good ten minutes now if Ed actually sounded worried on the other side, “Don’t tell me I gave you heart attack, old bastard.”
“Don’t call me old and I’m not having this conversation with you,” the older alchemist retorted into the mouthpiece rather quickly. Fast enough he could hear Ed laughing, “Do you have any idea what you’re asking?”
“Yeah, I do. I want to fuck you over the phone line. I’m bored and you’re not here to distract me. Plus, didn’t you want to break in those fake cocks and everything we bought the weekend before I left but weren’t able to?”
“That was for you!”
“Maybe but I think I like the idea of one of them up your ass, you holding the other end of it as you fuck it fast and hard to what I’m telling you. Come on, Roy. You know you want to. Don’t tell me Hughes didn’t do this to you at all.”
If anything he blushed even more red, “Of course not!”
Well that was a bellow of laughter, “Oh, so he did huh? Damn. I thought I would be the first one to do this. Come on, Mustang. The dildo’s right underneath the couch cushion and there’s some lube in a drawer nearby. I’m not coming back for another week. You can’t tell me you’re not horny or anything. I swear, if you’re cheating on me I’m sending my Brother on your damn ass!”
“I am not cheating on you, Fullmetal! Do you have any idea what you’re asking me?!”
“Duh, come on. We might as well have some fun tonight.”
“I am hanging up on you right now. I am not going to do this and you are not going to call me again about this. We’re going to have some words once you get back here in Central.”
And he did. Roy hanged up immediately and walked into the kitchen to drown in the contents of the unopened whiskey bottle (alright, so it was really just three bottles but no one has to know that).
Ed called again, every hour on the hour.
The sex? Famous last words, Roy.
They did it at 0300 in the morning.
I should have never drank that whiskey.
End
I live off your reviews. Really. So please feed me?
Author: Lucifer Hisaki (mercy_slays/luciferhisaki)
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Edward Elric/Roy Mustang
Summary: Roy wasn't expecting much...
Disclaimer: You do not have a legal suit for the whole FMA thing. So don't even try.
Word Count: 990
For: springkink's July 12th: #34. Fullmetal Alchemist, Ed/Roy: cybersex/phonesex/etc - "Who are you calling too short to fuck you long distance?!"
Oh No, Hell No... Alright, Fine.
Roy wasn’t expecting much when he was coming home after a long day at work. His lover was already off somewhere else, on a mission like usual so why would he think that anything was going to be happening upon arrival? He had a late dinner at a tavern, a nice walk through the park and a nice woman hitting on him for a date (sex, really), even when he was already taken. Not that many people knew that, if any. There was no way he was admitting to the world just yet that he was in a relationship with his subordinate, his very young subordinate that was just a few years older of “legal” age (physically).
So when his phone rang the moment he stepped into the door, Roy raised an intrigued eyebrow and wondered what the disaster was this time. Sighing into the mouth piece, he glanced around for a moment, answering briskly, “Mustang.”
“’Bout time you picked up, Colonel Shitface.” Edward. Oh yes, this is important, real important. Yeah, right. “I’ve been calling you for the last five hours, bastard.”
“Hello to you too, Fullmetal. Care to state the emergency now or would you rather I just hang up on you this time,” Roy muttered into the telephone, wondering what was the case for Ed to call him for five hours. Normally he would just call him at office if it was really critical. Apparently not this time, then again who knew.
“You better not,” he could hear the blond growl straight into his ear through the line, “There’s basically nothing up here and I thought I would be nice and tell you what’s going on, Colonel.”
Roy rolled his eye, scratching his eye-patch with the hand not holding up the telephone, “How many times do I have to tell you it’s not Colonel anymore, Fullmetal? I’m a Major General, remember? Your memory is lacking these past few years. Did the Gate take more than just a few things? Like your brain?” He chuckled lightly, taking a seat in the plush chair nearest to the phone.
“Shut it, dick. You know you’re always going to be Colonel to me,” oh yes, there was a large amount of irritation from that end of the line, “Besides, I’m not here to talk about rank. I’m bored and I want to try something.”
“Oh? And what’s that pipsqueak?”
“Who are you calling too short to fuck you long distance?!"
Roy blinked. Once. Twice. Three times. “…Did you just say I what I heard you just say?”
“Well, I did say I wanted to try something.” There was a definite smugness in the blond’s voice and Roy blushed-not that he would ever admit that to anyone. He had a reputation to uphold, after all-, thankful that he was alone in his home and not in his office.
There were strange women he dated in the past but thus far? No one had bothered to actually outright ask him to do something like that. Even his past relationship with one Maes Hughes never really went this far. (Roy put his foot down, literally, at any attempt on having this sort of encounter.) Never mind the idea that anyone could be listening. Despite Roy’s best attempts, he was very paranoid about people listening on his own home phone line. He didn’t actually call it paranoia, oh no. It was cautionary self-preservation. Particularly when you still had your sights on Fuhrership. Along with a nice piece of your resume saying that you killed the former Fuhrer (not that he was exactly human, mind you).
“Hey? You died there or something?” Alright, so he was speechless for a good ten minutes now if Ed actually sounded worried on the other side, “Don’t tell me I gave you heart attack, old bastard.”
“Don’t call me old and I’m not having this conversation with you,” the older alchemist retorted into the mouthpiece rather quickly. Fast enough he could hear Ed laughing, “Do you have any idea what you’re asking?”
“Yeah, I do. I want to fuck you over the phone line. I’m bored and you’re not here to distract me. Plus, didn’t you want to break in those fake cocks and everything we bought the weekend before I left but weren’t able to?”
“That was for you!”
“Maybe but I think I like the idea of one of them up your ass, you holding the other end of it as you fuck it fast and hard to what I’m telling you. Come on, Roy. You know you want to. Don’t tell me Hughes didn’t do this to you at all.”
If anything he blushed even more red, “Of course not!”
Well that was a bellow of laughter, “Oh, so he did huh? Damn. I thought I would be the first one to do this. Come on, Mustang. The dildo’s right underneath the couch cushion and there’s some lube in a drawer nearby. I’m not coming back for another week. You can’t tell me you’re not horny or anything. I swear, if you’re cheating on me I’m sending my Brother on your damn ass!”
“I am not cheating on you, Fullmetal! Do you have any idea what you’re asking me?!”
“Duh, come on. We might as well have some fun tonight.”
“I am hanging up on you right now. I am not going to do this and you are not going to call me again about this. We’re going to have some words once you get back here in Central.”
And he did. Roy hanged up immediately and walked into the kitchen to drown in the contents of the unopened whiskey bottle (alright, so it was really just three bottles but no one has to know that).
Ed called again, every hour on the hour.
The sex? Famous last words, Roy.
They did it at 0300 in the morning.
I should have never drank that whiskey.
End
I live off your reviews. Really. So please feed me?