The Day After The World Ends
Waking up feels very much like struggling to fight his way free from a deep, but troubled sleep, or resurfacing from the depths of an ice cold lake, Adam never realized he had sunken to.
The air rushes into his lunges almost painfully and he’s aware of every breath he draws, of every inhale, exhale his body performs. Only Adam is pretty sure breathing was supposed to make him feel something, anything and yet the flow of air is stable and pain free and somehow Adam thinks that’s wrong. His mind tries to tell his body it’s supposed to hurt right now. But still, he’s practically lying on something feather soft, his body feels heavy and unmovable, a testament that there is something very wrong.
Awareness seeps back in Adam’s conscience slowly, reminding him of the warmth seeping back in his frozen limbs as he drank the worm milk his mom used to make whenever he ran a fever as a child. He’s almost sure there is someone very near to him and he tries to open his eyes only they refuse to cooperate. It takes time but he finally manages it.
A breath escapes him as he takes in the surroundings, he’s on a large bed in his own room and he’s not alone. There is someone in bed with him and if he had any kind of control over his body, Adam would have jerked away from them, but he hasn’t, so the only viable option is to ask what the hell is going on, he hopes it’s not either of the Archangels in the back of his mind.
The grunt that comes out of his mouth doesn’t even sound like the “who” he was trying to ask. The person on his right side turns and hazel meets blue. Castiel doesn’t look like someone, even an Angel, who had been literary falling apart the last time Adam saw him. He makes more unintelligible noises as he keeps on trying to force words past uncooperative lips.
Castiel hushes him gently. “You’re doing just fine, Adam. Your body is adjusting, don’t worry now, rest.” He says voice calm and collected, reassuring and Adam feels panic coming over him, which only intensifies, when his heart refuses to pick up its rhythm. Suddenly he knows what feels so wrong; it is as if he’s almost completely disconnected from his own body. It functions perfectly, but it doesn’t respond to him, he can feel how healthy and full of energy it is, but he still feels on the verge of passing out and the mounting panic does nothing to help the matter. There are a million questions running through his mind and he can’t voice any of them, but perhaps his eyes speak volumes instead.
Castiel sighs and reaches over him to apparently steady the person lying on Adam’s left. Sam looks like shit, not physically, no, but his face and especially his eyes hint at a bone deep tiredness, he’s barely moving himself in slow, sluggish movements as he props himself on a couple of pillows with the Angel’s help.
For one moment Adam has the ludicrous thought they couldn’t have picked up a worse time to reconcile. He needs to know what the fuck is happening right the fuck now. Sam seems to respond to his desire better than Cas.
“They bound us.” He says mournfully, looking at Adam and Cas both. The angel behind him snorts and pitches in. “That’s one way to put it, Sam.” The irony in Castiel’s voice and the resignation in Sam’s make Adam want to jump out of his skin and demand an explanation. The anger he feels is driven now purely by the terror in the pit of his stomach. Whatever Lucifer and Michael did is responsible for the current situation and one of the things Adam’s learnt about angels in general is that they never do anything half way or for a while and that is especially true for Archangels. He fears he’ll stay paralyzed for the rest of time and the thought sends him in a fit of hysterical laughter or it would, if he could move a muscle, as it is all he can do is break down on the inside.
Castiel puts a hand on his arm lying uselessly on the bed next to him. Oh my god I’m like a corpse. Adam realizes hysterically. “Sleep.” The angel says, voice calm, but insistent and Sam reaches out albeit with difficulty and rearranges Adam into a more natural pose.
“It’s gonna be better, when you wake up next, little bro. Don’t worry, Cas isn’t going anywhere.” Sam’s words sound like they’re coming behind a velvet curtain and Adam knows he’s falling asleep again. As he slips further down in a darkens, he doubts he’ll wake up from, the white hot panic is eased by a whiff of coolness, reminding him of the cool breeze back on the veranda of his childhood’s house. Another wave washes through him, but this time it feels familiar, if bitter and broken, all sharp edges and cutting smiles. It reminds him of Castiel as he finally blacks out.
When he next wakes up, the surprise of having done so doesn’t have enough time to wear off as Adam is too exhausted to stay awake. This repeats several times and every time he wakes up he feels a bit more connected to reality, but more importantly to his body. At last he doesn’t think he’ll pass out this time round.
Adam breaths easier now, his breath actually in sync with his mind, his body in sync with his mind, though the feeling is dual, he’s both one with it and maybe a bit disconnected from it.
“So what the hell did they do to us this time ‘round?” Adam asks as he rolls onto his back, he must have moved sometime during hi… ah naps. Sam is fearing better than him or so it looks like. He’s sitting on Adam’s left, flexing his fingers slowly like it takes more concentration than it has any right to. He doesn’t answer, but Cas does.
“They bonded with us.” The angel repeats Sam’s earlier words dully, he’s lying with his back turned to them and Adam realizes with no small amount of irony, he’s stuck in the middle.
Typical.
Sam gives up on checking his fine motor skills and runs a hand down his face in a helpless gesture.
“All five of us.” He supplemented. “When Lucifer healed him he…infused his Grace with Cas’ and Michael did the same. I think that’s what they did to you too.”
Crap. Adam thought. Still all the three of them had been flayed open at one point or another and then brought back together, so it couldn’t be that much of a deal. Could it? The cold rational part of him reminds him he was supposed to have given up on idiotic hopes and dreams.
Castiel is laughing next to him, actual laughter, his whole frame shaking with it as his voice fills in the empty spaces around all of them. That’s what brings Adam out of his musings, he was hearing both Cas’ human and angelic voice and if Sam’s recoiling was any indication, he wasn’t the only one. Still for the months they’ve been living together, Sam showed not once he could hear the Angels in their true form.
“They did more than that to all of us.” Castiel supplied. He still didn’t turn to face them, but remained as he was. “Michael burned through my Grace, that’s why I couldn’t heal myself. There wasn’t any Grace left in places which to heal, it’s very much the same as your stint in Hell. Part of your souls were simply burned out, so when you got back the only thing to do was to pull the edges as close as they went and ducktape them. Hardly permanent but effective.” The sarcasm is heavy in Cas’s words but Adam knows it makes what he said no less true. The episodes he kept having were the duck take coming off and him taking a good long look in the cracks they left gaping wide open.
“So when Lucifer healed me, he didn’t simply fill in the places, where Michael burned me completely away. “He -a word in Enochian followed, but neither Adam nor Sam understood him- forced his own Grace in mine and it…allowed me to heal somewhat, Michael did the same, so now I’m bonded to them completely.”
Silence reigned for a couple of minutes while the Winchester worked through the information. Castiel’s low, bitter murmur “They’re my brothers now, my family.” caused Sam to ask another question.
“But they were your brothers before, how does this change anything?”
Adam turned to look at the Angel, when Cas gave another agitated sigh.
“They weren’t, not really. Only four angels were ever created equal to one another in the Host. Those four were brothers in every sense of the word, they shared everything, even their Graces were intermingled, it allows a closeness a human can’t begin to comprehend. The rest of us, God created afterwards, one moment we did not exist, the next we did. We were soldiers, comrades and in a sense sibling as well, but the original four were the true brothers, the true family. They knew God intimately, he was their father, they were a Family.”
The Archangels, it wasn’t difficult to guess, who Castiel was talking about.
“We were so far beneath their notice, we started creating our own little pockets of family. For a lack of a more accrued term, we bonded with one another. An Angel would open their Grace to the fullest extent and another would do the same, the two would intermingle and traces would stay behind, when the proses was complete, it showed in our wings, who we were bonded to. Michael and Lucifer did the same here. We’re bonded now, their Graces run through my own.”
But it wasn’t the same, not by a long shot, Adam knew. The two Archangels had ripped him apart, flayed him wide open until Castiel had no choice, but to give what little he had managed to salvage of himself. They knew that, Castiel knew it, Adam and Sam knew it, but none of the three would voice the truth. Sam’s sharp intake of breath told Adam he was very well aware what it meant for their friend, to be bared so mercilessly in front of beings he hated without a choice.
Adam realized something wet and salty was running down his cheek, but he refused to wipe the tear away. “How can we be all bonded, we don’t have Grace?” He chocked out.
“I have a little.” Sam replied, giving some time to Castiel to break down in piece. “Not enough for anything much, but it allowed me to resist when I first said “Yes”. Apparently Michael intensified it with his own and because I’m Lucifer’s true vessel, bonding with them became possible even if I’m pretty much human. And you are Michael’s vessel, so Lucifer used that to…” His brother waved his hands a little to illustrate the point.
The air left Adam’s lungs in a rush while his mind boggled at what all this meant for them in the long run. Either way there was no getting away from the Archangels, no place in the whole wide world to hide, heck the only thing that stood in the path of the old “brimstone and fire” routine was the sheer amount of laziness both Heaven and Hell displayed or really considering there was no hurry, no master plan to follow, may be they were simply taking their time before they got round to laying to waste everything. Adam had no idea, none at all and it was frightening, from a logical point of view he knew now that Lucifer and Michael had won, they wouldn’t be content to just sit around and observe how humanity explained away every mass tragedy and destruction this way or that. But whatever the hell they had planned on doing Adam saw no reason to create these…these connections between all of them, none at all.
Castiel rolled over to face them, his face pale and drown together, his eyes once more looked their age and Adam was hit with the realization how much like children both Sam and he were compared to him. The angel ran his hand down the surface of the bed in the gap between himself and Adam.
“We can feel each other, you know, like an impression, an instinctive knowledge about someone you know very well, like…”He obviously struggled to find the right words in English as Adam watched him
“There’s no barrier now.” He said.
“Well, at least there is one good thing that came out of all this shit.” The youngest Winchester said grinning, a note of desperation and bitter irony making themselves known.
Sam looked questioningly at him, but when he figured out what Adam meant, laughter bubbled up and he curled around himself, his whole frame shaking with it. Castiel, on the other hand, seemed less than amused and much more inclined to smite both of them.
“At least we can see your wings now.” Sam said with a gasped breath. Adam too was laughing, but not so hard as not to see the baffled and annoyed look he sent the two of them.
“You think my wings look like that of a bird.” The Angel concluded. That only made them laugh harder, because the head tilt he just did only strengthened the impression.
Castiel pushed up and away from the bed and gave them the look someone would give to silly children. “My wings are an extension of my Grace, humanity cannot comprehend them, so they simply see them as what they expect them to be.”
Sam had recovered somewhat and rolled over to get up as well. “Come on, let’s make coffee.” He suggested, but the curiosity was still evident in his eyes.
“Yeah, so you could pester him some more.” Adam finished with a look in Castiel’s direction but the Angel huffed and walked towards the kitchen and the coffee maker. Sam and Adam’s laughter following in his wake.
……
The kitchen was empty and that was a good thing in Adam’s book, he doubted any of them could face the Archangels at the moment, it was too much, too soon. He was sitting on the counter with a glass of water in hand, eyes tracking the movements of both Cas and Sam. The resentment was still there, in the pit of his stomach, a constant companion to Adam since the beginning of everything. He hadn’t forgiven Sam for his decisions, for choosing him to be the sacrificial lamb and yet the youngest Winchester was many things, but stupid he was not, the rashness so characteristic of his father’s line was absent in his person and Adam thanked his mother feverently for that. He knew very well the three of them would never make it here, if they fought each other constantly and Adam has the sneaking suspicion that whatever the Archangels wanted from them would not simply be discarded as a useless idea, no if Adam was even a tiny bit right, Michael and Lucifer would send them all back in the Cage or Hell or wherever a thousand times over until they finally broke and left themselves to be molded in the image they were wanted in.
Better to bend than break, Adam decided, only Castiel and his brother wouldn’t see it that way at all. That was perhaps one of the only things they shared. Adam would like to fight, too, if there was some other option besides the inevitable outcome. The one difference was how long they would take to getting at the place Lucifer wanted them at. And if Adam had learnt one thing from the Winchesters, it was to pick his battles, not every fight could be won, hell in their case the war was long lost, but they would have to make the best of it one way or another.
He sighed and drank some more of the water, Sam was at the stove insisting he make breakfast and Castiel was glaring at him and explaining he wasn’t hungry, instead he was clutching a bottle of whisky and obviously had the intention of drowning it in one go. Adam reached unnoticed of the two and took it from the Angel. And that was a start, a small but one none the less, now the only thing he’d have to do was somehow force himself to come to terms with Sam.
Adam sighed again.
***
Lucifer watched Michael observing their new family, they were oblivious to the presence of the two Archangels and as much as he’d like to witness their reaction to seeing them again, it wouldn’t do to disturb the fragile balance the three had accomplished. Michael, invisible just as him, leaned against the wall, eyes tracking the seemingly unconscious way Castiel let the alcohol be pried from his grip. The Angel’s gaze was leveled at Sam and his attempts to dissuade him from drinking and yet it is Adam, someone their baby brother has known for far shorter period of time, that he’s allowed to steer him in this or that direction, then again for all of his faults, Castiel doesn’t trust easily anymore and Sam has broken that trust, it would take a long time to repair that, if ever. It simply is another aspect, in which Lucifer shares something with his young sibling. Castiel’s behavior amuses him to no end, the futile struggle to keep something, even a small part of himself, separate from them. Michael, on the other hand, won’t tolerate it, for all his faults Lucifer’s older brother has every intention of looking after their newly formed family even if that intention, that love, will be almost unbearable at times for the three beings currently stumbling about in the kitchen.
“The Hell I’m staying here- Castiel throws his hands in the air-there’s plenty of places to be and quite a bit of booze to drown in, so no Sam, I don’t need you mothering me, heck you’re no good at it any way!” He pivots on his heels and walks briskly to the door, his wings curl tightly about his frame trying to both take him to flight and not hurt the two humans bound to him.
Michael unfurls from the wall and goes after Castiel, poor thing, Lucifer muses, his brother’s love burns hotter than his Grace.
Castiel has barely reached the door, when he feels a presence at his back, so strong and so blazingly hot that breath he does not need catches in his throat and for a blinding moment he’s curtain Michael will hurl him back in Hell, his displeasure so obvious.
Adam’s half cry of “Cas!” is useless, he knows, Sam has stepped forward the moment the oldest Archangel appeared at their friend’s back, but both of them know they were powerless to stop whatever Michael wanted. Adam can only watch Cas stumbling as if Michael’s presence alone has pushed him forward and straight into the closed apartment door and the Archangel himself, even though he is so very close to Cas, has not yet touched him.
The low, terrified whine the Angel fails to smother has Adam’s gut curling on itself in dread and not a little desperation. Cas is pressing himself into the door face first, part of his face visible as he watches Michael with wide, clear, blue eyes, the fear in their depths is tangible even to Adam, who is almost at the other side of the room. Sam makes an aborted movement and a hesitant “Michael” before he stops himself, wincing at the noise Cas emits, when the Archangel’s hand lands on his shoulder.
“Yes, Sam, do you want something?”
“I…no, I don’t…Father- there’s a tremble in his brother’s voice, Adam can hear it and so can the others, still he fervently hopes the admission would be enough to placate Michael for now- Cas was…” There isn’t much Sam can say to save the situation and from the amused smile Lucifer is favoring them with, it all rests on Michael’s inclination to show some semblance of mercy.
Adam wants to be sick, how long have the Archangels been invisible to their eyes as they had gone about trying to put themselves together, why reveal their presence now of all times?
The tense silence stretches apparently for ages even with Lucifer sitting down on one of the love seats facing the couch seemingly uninterested in the unraveling disaster taking place so close to him. A magazine appears in his hand and he starts reading just as Michael finally makes a decision what would happen with them.
“Come, little brother, you must be exhausted still from the bonding.” His hand slides up and into Castiel’s hair, guiding him in the direction of the sofa. Adam is tempted to say Michael uses the black hair wrapped around his fingers to drag Cas where he wants him, but it’s not so, the younger Angel puts up no fight, actually he looks like a cornered animal that knows it’s about to be eaten, but it’s aware there’s nothing to be done about it, he goes with Michael and let’s himself be arranged on the furniture unresistingly. Michael sits on the sofa and pulls Castiel to lay down, his head on his lap with the Archangel carding fingers through the black mess that is Cas’s hair. And his friend keeps utterly still, yet Adam can tell how much he wants to move away from the touch and Michael altogether. There is very little to be done and Sam proves to be able to navigate the Archangel’s mood better than Adam, when he nudges him gently towards the couch and addresses no one in particular.
“I’ll make something for lunch.” Sam’s voice is quiet as he turns towards the kitchen and starts ruffling through the cabinets in hopes of finding something to cook, Adam gathers his wits about him and goes to Castiel and Michael, pushing and nudging until Cas makes enough space for him to curl with him. The Angel trembles slightly against him, but Adam keeps still and wraps around his friend, trying very hard to calm him down somewhat with his presence. It’s far from an ideal situation and yet it’s all they have, it’ll have to be enough.
There might not be much to be done in the face of Michael and Lucifer’s mercurial moods, but what little Adam can do is offer comfort to Cas. Sam does the same in his own way, pretending there’s nothing wrong, nothing to be afraid of and while some might say pretending doesn’t make the problem go away, in their case nothing will and playing safe is the closest they will come to ever again actually being safe, so Adam thinks fuck it as he settles fully against Cas.
Michael’s arm falls on Adam’s shoulder and stays there, his other still carding through Cas’ hair, but the Angel is not trembling anymore, Lucifer is half laying on the love seat and reading and as Sam sits down next to him with a cup of coffee and switches on the television, Adam exhales and thinks :
“We’re gonna make it work, it’ll be okay.”
The air rushes into his lunges almost painfully and he’s aware of every breath he draws, of every inhale, exhale his body performs. Only Adam is pretty sure breathing was supposed to make him feel something, anything and yet the flow of air is stable and pain free and somehow Adam thinks that’s wrong. His mind tries to tell his body it’s supposed to hurt right now. But still, he’s practically lying on something feather soft, his body feels heavy and unmovable, a testament that there is something very wrong.
Awareness seeps back in Adam’s conscience slowly, reminding him of the warmth seeping back in his frozen limbs as he drank the worm milk his mom used to make whenever he ran a fever as a child. He’s almost sure there is someone very near to him and he tries to open his eyes only they refuse to cooperate. It takes time but he finally manages it.
A breath escapes him as he takes in the surroundings, he’s on a large bed in his own room and he’s not alone. There is someone in bed with him and if he had any kind of control over his body, Adam would have jerked away from them, but he hasn’t, so the only viable option is to ask what the hell is going on, he hopes it’s not either of the Archangels in the back of his mind.
The grunt that comes out of his mouth doesn’t even sound like the “who” he was trying to ask. The person on his right side turns and hazel meets blue. Castiel doesn’t look like someone, even an Angel, who had been literary falling apart the last time Adam saw him. He makes more unintelligible noises as he keeps on trying to force words past uncooperative lips.
Castiel hushes him gently. “You’re doing just fine, Adam. Your body is adjusting, don’t worry now, rest.” He says voice calm and collected, reassuring and Adam feels panic coming over him, which only intensifies, when his heart refuses to pick up its rhythm. Suddenly he knows what feels so wrong; it is as if he’s almost completely disconnected from his own body. It functions perfectly, but it doesn’t respond to him, he can feel how healthy and full of energy it is, but he still feels on the verge of passing out and the mounting panic does nothing to help the matter. There are a million questions running through his mind and he can’t voice any of them, but perhaps his eyes speak volumes instead.
Castiel sighs and reaches over him to apparently steady the person lying on Adam’s left. Sam looks like shit, not physically, no, but his face and especially his eyes hint at a bone deep tiredness, he’s barely moving himself in slow, sluggish movements as he props himself on a couple of pillows with the Angel’s help.
For one moment Adam has the ludicrous thought they couldn’t have picked up a worse time to reconcile. He needs to know what the fuck is happening right the fuck now. Sam seems to respond to his desire better than Cas.
“They bound us.” He says mournfully, looking at Adam and Cas both. The angel behind him snorts and pitches in. “That’s one way to put it, Sam.” The irony in Castiel’s voice and the resignation in Sam’s make Adam want to jump out of his skin and demand an explanation. The anger he feels is driven now purely by the terror in the pit of his stomach. Whatever Lucifer and Michael did is responsible for the current situation and one of the things Adam’s learnt about angels in general is that they never do anything half way or for a while and that is especially true for Archangels. He fears he’ll stay paralyzed for the rest of time and the thought sends him in a fit of hysterical laughter or it would, if he could move a muscle, as it is all he can do is break down on the inside.
Castiel puts a hand on his arm lying uselessly on the bed next to him. Oh my god I’m like a corpse. Adam realizes hysterically. “Sleep.” The angel says, voice calm, but insistent and Sam reaches out albeit with difficulty and rearranges Adam into a more natural pose.
“It’s gonna be better, when you wake up next, little bro. Don’t worry, Cas isn’t going anywhere.” Sam’s words sound like they’re coming behind a velvet curtain and Adam knows he’s falling asleep again. As he slips further down in a darkens, he doubts he’ll wake up from, the white hot panic is eased by a whiff of coolness, reminding him of the cool breeze back on the veranda of his childhood’s house. Another wave washes through him, but this time it feels familiar, if bitter and broken, all sharp edges and cutting smiles. It reminds him of Castiel as he finally blacks out.
When he next wakes up, the surprise of having done so doesn’t have enough time to wear off as Adam is too exhausted to stay awake. This repeats several times and every time he wakes up he feels a bit more connected to reality, but more importantly to his body. At last he doesn’t think he’ll pass out this time round.
Adam breaths easier now, his breath actually in sync with his mind, his body in sync with his mind, though the feeling is dual, he’s both one with it and maybe a bit disconnected from it.
“So what the hell did they do to us this time ‘round?” Adam asks as he rolls onto his back, he must have moved sometime during hi… ah naps. Sam is fearing better than him or so it looks like. He’s sitting on Adam’s left, flexing his fingers slowly like it takes more concentration than it has any right to. He doesn’t answer, but Cas does.
“They bonded with us.” The angel repeats Sam’s earlier words dully, he’s lying with his back turned to them and Adam realizes with no small amount of irony, he’s stuck in the middle.
Typical.
Sam gives up on checking his fine motor skills and runs a hand down his face in a helpless gesture.
“All five of us.” He supplemented. “When Lucifer healed him he…infused his Grace with Cas’ and Michael did the same. I think that’s what they did to you too.”
Crap. Adam thought. Still all the three of them had been flayed open at one point or another and then brought back together, so it couldn’t be that much of a deal. Could it? The cold rational part of him reminds him he was supposed to have given up on idiotic hopes and dreams.
Castiel is laughing next to him, actual laughter, his whole frame shaking with it as his voice fills in the empty spaces around all of them. That’s what brings Adam out of his musings, he was hearing both Cas’ human and angelic voice and if Sam’s recoiling was any indication, he wasn’t the only one. Still for the months they’ve been living together, Sam showed not once he could hear the Angels in their true form.
“They did more than that to all of us.” Castiel supplied. He still didn’t turn to face them, but remained as he was. “Michael burned through my Grace, that’s why I couldn’t heal myself. There wasn’t any Grace left in places which to heal, it’s very much the same as your stint in Hell. Part of your souls were simply burned out, so when you got back the only thing to do was to pull the edges as close as they went and ducktape them. Hardly permanent but effective.” The sarcasm is heavy in Cas’s words but Adam knows it makes what he said no less true. The episodes he kept having were the duck take coming off and him taking a good long look in the cracks they left gaping wide open.
“So when Lucifer healed me, he didn’t simply fill in the places, where Michael burned me completely away. “He -a word in Enochian followed, but neither Adam nor Sam understood him- forced his own Grace in mine and it…allowed me to heal somewhat, Michael did the same, so now I’m bonded to them completely.”
Silence reigned for a couple of minutes while the Winchester worked through the information. Castiel’s low, bitter murmur “They’re my brothers now, my family.” caused Sam to ask another question.
“But they were your brothers before, how does this change anything?”
Adam turned to look at the Angel, when Cas gave another agitated sigh.
“They weren’t, not really. Only four angels were ever created equal to one another in the Host. Those four were brothers in every sense of the word, they shared everything, even their Graces were intermingled, it allows a closeness a human can’t begin to comprehend. The rest of us, God created afterwards, one moment we did not exist, the next we did. We were soldiers, comrades and in a sense sibling as well, but the original four were the true brothers, the true family. They knew God intimately, he was their father, they were a Family.”
The Archangels, it wasn’t difficult to guess, who Castiel was talking about.
“We were so far beneath their notice, we started creating our own little pockets of family. For a lack of a more accrued term, we bonded with one another. An Angel would open their Grace to the fullest extent and another would do the same, the two would intermingle and traces would stay behind, when the proses was complete, it showed in our wings, who we were bonded to. Michael and Lucifer did the same here. We’re bonded now, their Graces run through my own.”
But it wasn’t the same, not by a long shot, Adam knew. The two Archangels had ripped him apart, flayed him wide open until Castiel had no choice, but to give what little he had managed to salvage of himself. They knew that, Castiel knew it, Adam and Sam knew it, but none of the three would voice the truth. Sam’s sharp intake of breath told Adam he was very well aware what it meant for their friend, to be bared so mercilessly in front of beings he hated without a choice.
Adam realized something wet and salty was running down his cheek, but he refused to wipe the tear away. “How can we be all bonded, we don’t have Grace?” He chocked out.
“I have a little.” Sam replied, giving some time to Castiel to break down in piece. “Not enough for anything much, but it allowed me to resist when I first said “Yes”. Apparently Michael intensified it with his own and because I’m Lucifer’s true vessel, bonding with them became possible even if I’m pretty much human. And you are Michael’s vessel, so Lucifer used that to…” His brother waved his hands a little to illustrate the point.
The air left Adam’s lungs in a rush while his mind boggled at what all this meant for them in the long run. Either way there was no getting away from the Archangels, no place in the whole wide world to hide, heck the only thing that stood in the path of the old “brimstone and fire” routine was the sheer amount of laziness both Heaven and Hell displayed or really considering there was no hurry, no master plan to follow, may be they were simply taking their time before they got round to laying to waste everything. Adam had no idea, none at all and it was frightening, from a logical point of view he knew now that Lucifer and Michael had won, they wouldn’t be content to just sit around and observe how humanity explained away every mass tragedy and destruction this way or that. But whatever the hell they had planned on doing Adam saw no reason to create these…these connections between all of them, none at all.
Castiel rolled over to face them, his face pale and drown together, his eyes once more looked their age and Adam was hit with the realization how much like children both Sam and he were compared to him. The angel ran his hand down the surface of the bed in the gap between himself and Adam.
“We can feel each other, you know, like an impression, an instinctive knowledge about someone you know very well, like…”He obviously struggled to find the right words in English as Adam watched him
“There’s no barrier now.” He said.
“Well, at least there is one good thing that came out of all this shit.” The youngest Winchester said grinning, a note of desperation and bitter irony making themselves known.
Sam looked questioningly at him, but when he figured out what Adam meant, laughter bubbled up and he curled around himself, his whole frame shaking with it. Castiel, on the other hand, seemed less than amused and much more inclined to smite both of them.
“At least we can see your wings now.” Sam said with a gasped breath. Adam too was laughing, but not so hard as not to see the baffled and annoyed look he sent the two of them.
“You think my wings look like that of a bird.” The Angel concluded. That only made them laugh harder, because the head tilt he just did only strengthened the impression.
Castiel pushed up and away from the bed and gave them the look someone would give to silly children. “My wings are an extension of my Grace, humanity cannot comprehend them, so they simply see them as what they expect them to be.”
Sam had recovered somewhat and rolled over to get up as well. “Come on, let’s make coffee.” He suggested, but the curiosity was still evident in his eyes.
“Yeah, so you could pester him some more.” Adam finished with a look in Castiel’s direction but the Angel huffed and walked towards the kitchen and the coffee maker. Sam and Adam’s laughter following in his wake.
……
The kitchen was empty and that was a good thing in Adam’s book, he doubted any of them could face the Archangels at the moment, it was too much, too soon. He was sitting on the counter with a glass of water in hand, eyes tracking the movements of both Cas and Sam. The resentment was still there, in the pit of his stomach, a constant companion to Adam since the beginning of everything. He hadn’t forgiven Sam for his decisions, for choosing him to be the sacrificial lamb and yet the youngest Winchester was many things, but stupid he was not, the rashness so characteristic of his father’s line was absent in his person and Adam thanked his mother feverently for that. He knew very well the three of them would never make it here, if they fought each other constantly and Adam has the sneaking suspicion that whatever the Archangels wanted from them would not simply be discarded as a useless idea, no if Adam was even a tiny bit right, Michael and Lucifer would send them all back in the Cage or Hell or wherever a thousand times over until they finally broke and left themselves to be molded in the image they were wanted in.
Better to bend than break, Adam decided, only Castiel and his brother wouldn’t see it that way at all. That was perhaps one of the only things they shared. Adam would like to fight, too, if there was some other option besides the inevitable outcome. The one difference was how long they would take to getting at the place Lucifer wanted them at. And if Adam had learnt one thing from the Winchesters, it was to pick his battles, not every fight could be won, hell in their case the war was long lost, but they would have to make the best of it one way or another.
He sighed and drank some more of the water, Sam was at the stove insisting he make breakfast and Castiel was glaring at him and explaining he wasn’t hungry, instead he was clutching a bottle of whisky and obviously had the intention of drowning it in one go. Adam reached unnoticed of the two and took it from the Angel. And that was a start, a small but one none the less, now the only thing he’d have to do was somehow force himself to come to terms with Sam.
Adam sighed again.
***
Lucifer watched Michael observing their new family, they were oblivious to the presence of the two Archangels and as much as he’d like to witness their reaction to seeing them again, it wouldn’t do to disturb the fragile balance the three had accomplished. Michael, invisible just as him, leaned against the wall, eyes tracking the seemingly unconscious way Castiel let the alcohol be pried from his grip. The Angel’s gaze was leveled at Sam and his attempts to dissuade him from drinking and yet it is Adam, someone their baby brother has known for far shorter period of time, that he’s allowed to steer him in this or that direction, then again for all of his faults, Castiel doesn’t trust easily anymore and Sam has broken that trust, it would take a long time to repair that, if ever. It simply is another aspect, in which Lucifer shares something with his young sibling. Castiel’s behavior amuses him to no end, the futile struggle to keep something, even a small part of himself, separate from them. Michael, on the other hand, won’t tolerate it, for all his faults Lucifer’s older brother has every intention of looking after their newly formed family even if that intention, that love, will be almost unbearable at times for the three beings currently stumbling about in the kitchen.
“The Hell I’m staying here- Castiel throws his hands in the air-there’s plenty of places to be and quite a bit of booze to drown in, so no Sam, I don’t need you mothering me, heck you’re no good at it any way!” He pivots on his heels and walks briskly to the door, his wings curl tightly about his frame trying to both take him to flight and not hurt the two humans bound to him.
Michael unfurls from the wall and goes after Castiel, poor thing, Lucifer muses, his brother’s love burns hotter than his Grace.
Castiel has barely reached the door, when he feels a presence at his back, so strong and so blazingly hot that breath he does not need catches in his throat and for a blinding moment he’s curtain Michael will hurl him back in Hell, his displeasure so obvious.
Adam’s half cry of “Cas!” is useless, he knows, Sam has stepped forward the moment the oldest Archangel appeared at their friend’s back, but both of them know they were powerless to stop whatever Michael wanted. Adam can only watch Cas stumbling as if Michael’s presence alone has pushed him forward and straight into the closed apartment door and the Archangel himself, even though he is so very close to Cas, has not yet touched him.
The low, terrified whine the Angel fails to smother has Adam’s gut curling on itself in dread and not a little desperation. Cas is pressing himself into the door face first, part of his face visible as he watches Michael with wide, clear, blue eyes, the fear in their depths is tangible even to Adam, who is almost at the other side of the room. Sam makes an aborted movement and a hesitant “Michael” before he stops himself, wincing at the noise Cas emits, when the Archangel’s hand lands on his shoulder.
“Yes, Sam, do you want something?”
“I…no, I don’t…Father- there’s a tremble in his brother’s voice, Adam can hear it and so can the others, still he fervently hopes the admission would be enough to placate Michael for now- Cas was…” There isn’t much Sam can say to save the situation and from the amused smile Lucifer is favoring them with, it all rests on Michael’s inclination to show some semblance of mercy.
Adam wants to be sick, how long have the Archangels been invisible to their eyes as they had gone about trying to put themselves together, why reveal their presence now of all times?
The tense silence stretches apparently for ages even with Lucifer sitting down on one of the love seats facing the couch seemingly uninterested in the unraveling disaster taking place so close to him. A magazine appears in his hand and he starts reading just as Michael finally makes a decision what would happen with them.
“Come, little brother, you must be exhausted still from the bonding.” His hand slides up and into Castiel’s hair, guiding him in the direction of the sofa. Adam is tempted to say Michael uses the black hair wrapped around his fingers to drag Cas where he wants him, but it’s not so, the younger Angel puts up no fight, actually he looks like a cornered animal that knows it’s about to be eaten, but it’s aware there’s nothing to be done about it, he goes with Michael and let’s himself be arranged on the furniture unresistingly. Michael sits on the sofa and pulls Castiel to lay down, his head on his lap with the Archangel carding fingers through the black mess that is Cas’s hair. And his friend keeps utterly still, yet Adam can tell how much he wants to move away from the touch and Michael altogether. There is very little to be done and Sam proves to be able to navigate the Archangel’s mood better than Adam, when he nudges him gently towards the couch and addresses no one in particular.
“I’ll make something for lunch.” Sam’s voice is quiet as he turns towards the kitchen and starts ruffling through the cabinets in hopes of finding something to cook, Adam gathers his wits about him and goes to Castiel and Michael, pushing and nudging until Cas makes enough space for him to curl with him. The Angel trembles slightly against him, but Adam keeps still and wraps around his friend, trying very hard to calm him down somewhat with his presence. It’s far from an ideal situation and yet it’s all they have, it’ll have to be enough.
There might not be much to be done in the face of Michael and Lucifer’s mercurial moods, but what little Adam can do is offer comfort to Cas. Sam does the same in his own way, pretending there’s nothing wrong, nothing to be afraid of and while some might say pretending doesn’t make the problem go away, in their case nothing will and playing safe is the closest they will come to ever again actually being safe, so Adam thinks fuck it as he settles fully against Cas.
Michael’s arm falls on Adam’s shoulder and stays there, his other still carding through Cas’ hair, but the Angel is not trembling anymore, Lucifer is half laying on the love seat and reading and as Sam sits down next to him with a cup of coffee and switches on the television, Adam exhales and thinks :
“We’re gonna make it work, it’ll be okay.”