it is time
im moving across the country yet again. guess where?
where i have a job at a production company. thats right folks, im kinda starting to grow up. still a alcoholic though, but if you can work drunk as fuck and high as a kite, i consider that damn impressive. especially when dealing with crying brazilian models, okay just one, but having to deal with her, and her agent. please... i know my job is to solve problems and get shit done, but really, why? i feel like two years ago i could have done it and not even bat an eye, but now, i feel old, and i sorta feel like im losing patience with every passing day, or maybe boston has just turned me into a bitch, cuz here, its kinda easy to be one. that i guess i am okay with. i have realized that i used to let people walk all over me, especially people that i had any sort of meaningful relationship with. i have realized that i don't have to just ignore it to the point of overwhelming anxiety, i can fix it, and if its not fixable, well then. im out. pretty simple. letting go is easier said than done, but sometimes, you just have to get her done, don't think twice, and don't look back. maybe thats a stupid way to look at things, but it seems to be working out for me, maybe two years later i'll think, wow, that was dumb, kinda like im looking back now that same way. at least im learning. im pretty sure im done with boston now. actually im over done. i've learned a lot about myself and the people that i surround myself with. its time to go, and i can't fucking wait.
now here's the big question. should i move a month early so i can go on tour with shiny toy guns, or make my last month of already paid rent worth while? decisions decisions.
oh how i long to be domestic sometimes. me and my rejectful nature toward my cancerian-ness. yes, i did just make up that word.
by the way, flowers/plants are so therapeutic. i totally just zoned out at work all day today. i just wish it didn't start at 8 am. harsh harsh harsh. i can't wait to work with lauren at flower lab. we totally bonded when i was in portland last week. its funny cuz dom sorta planned it out that way. why i outta... nah, it was good. we smoked a bowl and talked about cymbidiums. hah.
and another thing, should i just sell all my stuff and just ship the necessities, or rent a truck that dom and i can both fit our shoe collections into? i really don't want to get rid of my stuff, i dont even know what to ask for it anyhow. most of these things i am really attached to because i either made them or cared for them, like art and plants. also some of my stuff is antique that i got from a friend. don't even know how much to charge for that. ugh. i just really need to sit down and wrap my mind around all this and figure it out. so many things are happening and changing and it seems so fast.
but in good news this guy from ny came to aa the last few days and he took some pictures of me and said he was going to put them on the website. nothing spectacular its actually just because i was pictured in the improper bostonian wearing american apparel, so it would be that picture of me in the magazine, and then a picture of me at aa holding the magazine. i was not a model. never. im too much of a sissy. maybe if i was drunk, but thats another story.
so blah blah blah and more blah. i do believe that i have rambled enough. its past my bed time. oh sleep.
where i have a job at a production company. thats right folks, im kinda starting to grow up. still a alcoholic though, but if you can work drunk as fuck and high as a kite, i consider that damn impressive. especially when dealing with crying brazilian models, okay just one, but having to deal with her, and her agent. please... i know my job is to solve problems and get shit done, but really, why? i feel like two years ago i could have done it and not even bat an eye, but now, i feel old, and i sorta feel like im losing patience with every passing day, or maybe boston has just turned me into a bitch, cuz here, its kinda easy to be one. that i guess i am okay with. i have realized that i used to let people walk all over me, especially people that i had any sort of meaningful relationship with. i have realized that i don't have to just ignore it to the point of overwhelming anxiety, i can fix it, and if its not fixable, well then. im out. pretty simple. letting go is easier said than done, but sometimes, you just have to get her done, don't think twice, and don't look back. maybe thats a stupid way to look at things, but it seems to be working out for me, maybe two years later i'll think, wow, that was dumb, kinda like im looking back now that same way. at least im learning. im pretty sure im done with boston now. actually im over done. i've learned a lot about myself and the people that i surround myself with. its time to go, and i can't fucking wait.
now here's the big question. should i move a month early so i can go on tour with shiny toy guns, or make my last month of already paid rent worth while? decisions decisions.
oh how i long to be domestic sometimes. me and my rejectful nature toward my cancerian-ness. yes, i did just make up that word.
by the way, flowers/plants are so therapeutic. i totally just zoned out at work all day today. i just wish it didn't start at 8 am. harsh harsh harsh. i can't wait to work with lauren at flower lab. we totally bonded when i was in portland last week. its funny cuz dom sorta planned it out that way. why i outta... nah, it was good. we smoked a bowl and talked about cymbidiums. hah.
and another thing, should i just sell all my stuff and just ship the necessities, or rent a truck that dom and i can both fit our shoe collections into? i really don't want to get rid of my stuff, i dont even know what to ask for it anyhow. most of these things i am really attached to because i either made them or cared for them, like art and plants. also some of my stuff is antique that i got from a friend. don't even know how much to charge for that. ugh. i just really need to sit down and wrap my mind around all this and figure it out. so many things are happening and changing and it seems so fast.
but in good news this guy from ny came to aa the last few days and he took some pictures of me and said he was going to put them on the website. nothing spectacular its actually just because i was pictured in the improper bostonian wearing american apparel, so it would be that picture of me in the magazine, and then a picture of me at aa holding the magazine. i was not a model. never. im too much of a sissy. maybe if i was drunk, but thats another story.
so blah blah blah and more blah. i do believe that i have rambled enough. its past my bed time. oh sleep.