crunch time
It's 9:20 in the morning and my boss already gifted me with a new orifice for a very simple misunderstanding that was probably my fault but certainly didn't cause any deaths or even wasted time. He CC'ed the admonishment to a bunch of people I really respect, who will probably think I'm an idiot now, like I just sit here and fuck up for a living.
My boss really hates me. He couldn't make it clearer if he tried-- socially, professionally... he just can't stand me. Why? No idea. We used to be friendly.
Between this kind of thing (uncommon, but not unheard of) and E3, I'm really starting to think it's time to re-evaluate my situation. I'll wait and let my review factor in, but I'm really starting to think I'm not only not wanted here. Actually, I started to feel that way a year ago; it's just getting harder to ignore.
And here I am, willing to sign a year lease and live in a place I hate for a job that doesn't want me and barely pays me enough to survive. I thought I'd be home by now; I thought by now I'd have made some kind of progress, but nonesuch.
I will never be one of the favorites, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I thought I was following my dreams. But what if my dream was never in my reach in the first place, and I'm just crippling my life trying to reach it?
The fight-or-flight impulse is easily overwritten; the smart thing to do for the next week is to educate myself as much as possible and meet some interesting people at E3. Maybe somewhere in the world is a company that will treat me a little better.
feeling: sad (would be 'deflated', but I was never inflated in the first place)
My boss really hates me. He couldn't make it clearer if he tried-- socially, professionally... he just can't stand me. Why? No idea. We used to be friendly.
Between this kind of thing (uncommon, but not unheard of) and E3, I'm really starting to think it's time to re-evaluate my situation. I'll wait and let my review factor in, but I'm really starting to think I'm not only not wanted here. Actually, I started to feel that way a year ago; it's just getting harder to ignore.
And here I am, willing to sign a year lease and live in a place I hate for a job that doesn't want me and barely pays me enough to survive. I thought I'd be home by now; I thought by now I'd have made some kind of progress, but nonesuch.
I will never be one of the favorites, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I thought I was following my dreams. But what if my dream was never in my reach in the first place, and I'm just crippling my life trying to reach it?
The fight-or-flight impulse is easily overwritten; the smart thing to do for the next week is to educate myself as much as possible and meet some interesting people at E3. Maybe somewhere in the world is a company that will treat me a little better.
feeling: sad (would be 'deflated', but I was never inflated in the first place)