pain
i have a verry fucked up life, and its comeing back to bight me in the ass.
when i was sevin (i think) i was growing up in the same environment as any child of a devorce. i spend some time at dads but most at my grandparents..... what? then one day i was asked if i wanted to go to my dads funeral? unfortunitly i was thinking of the wrong person. so then you stop going on these trips and you stop seeing this person but you dont know who your dad was, and now your looking at your grandpa as the only male relative you know. crash of lightning thunger rolling, he dies. so your uncle, a muther fucker of a badass and the only man you know related to you, comes up and asks if you want to go to the mall (this was 50 miles away). why, "because i want to spend time with you". wow. two months later DEAD of the same fucking thing, rupsured aorta..... Live with grandam for a while, mom moves in with old boe in florida, ill give it a try.
now im 24 and a cousin who i used too play with at my "dads" house calls me on the interweb. i don't know how to tell you how this fucks up all the walls i have been trying to build. i don't know what to say, i am so comflicted in so many ways. there are things i dont know how to explain, and so many things...........i dont know if i want to talk to them, but i feel like i have some closure or atleast im faceing my past for the first time.
when i was sevin (i think) i was growing up in the same environment as any child of a devorce. i spend some time at dads but most at my grandparents..... what? then one day i was asked if i wanted to go to my dads funeral? unfortunitly i was thinking of the wrong person. so then you stop going on these trips and you stop seeing this person but you dont know who your dad was, and now your looking at your grandpa as the only male relative you know. crash of lightning thunger rolling, he dies. so your uncle, a muther fucker of a badass and the only man you know related to you, comes up and asks if you want to go to the mall (this was 50 miles away). why, "because i want to spend time with you". wow. two months later DEAD of the same fucking thing, rupsured aorta..... Live with grandam for a while, mom moves in with old boe in florida, ill give it a try.
now im 24 and a cousin who i used too play with at my "dads" house calls me on the interweb. i don't know how to tell you how this fucks up all the walls i have been trying to build. i don't know what to say, i am so comflicted in so many ways. there are things i dont know how to explain, and so many things...........i dont know if i want to talk to them, but i feel like i have some closure or atleast im faceing my past for the first time.