Feh. (Pretty much sums up all my thoughts into one word...)
I'm becoming weary of this 'happiness' thing. I don't understand why people like such a boring emotion. Why do I like to be depressed? It seems the only emotions I can appreciate are love and sorrow. I guess I just like my world when it's painted blue and gray.
I'm beginning to fall in love with vampires again.
I don't feel too well. My ears are clogged, making things so hard to hear. My nose is stuffed up. I hate being sick, it's a waste of energy.
I think my emotions are very fucked up. I don't know why, either... After I got off the phone with Tenley today, I cried. I should be 'happy'. I have everything I possibly need at this moment, and it's just getting better... but for some strange reason, I feel empty. Has what Tenley was afraid of actually happened? Has my love for her run out? Don't get me wrong, I still love her, but as every day inches by, I understand more and more that I can't be that cute little naive Raevynne-byrd everyone knows. I have to, one day, stop. I know as soon as she scores a great job in Japan, I'll be out of the picture. I can't let myself be hurt when that day comes. I can't let myself be hurt again at all. I know she doesn't love me. She's expressed that to me before. She has her future to think about. She doesn't need a goo-goo-eyed fangirl clouding her plans, now, does she? And I don't need an idol. I used to need one, but now I know that I'm the only idol I'll ever need.
Funny that she showed me that.
---
I went to Tami's house last night and spent the night until today. Nothing paranormal happened (foo...) but I did have a good time.
Last night, Tami and I watched G.I. Jane. I now declare that movie as one of my favourites. Demi Moore is hot when she's G.I. Jane... What's my deal with masculine women? hah.
Today, we went to lunch at the really really awesome asian restaraunt called Firmosa. They have these little tatami rooms that you can request. It's way awesome. They're a little Americanized, but they're still way awesome. The food! DEEE-LISH! ^_^ Our waiter's name was Skyler. I only remember that 'cause he was soooo cute! -^_^- I want to take Tenley there one day.
After lunch, we went and saw The Ring 2. I know most people say that it sucked, but they suck for thinking that it sucked! I wasn't expecting it to be scary... The first one wasn't scary to me, either... I just really really like the story. It has all the elements of a good horror story, PLUS some, and on top of that, the auther did it in an original way1 I mean, you have this misunderstood monster. Most of the good stories you read have misunderstood monsters! I mean, look at Phantom of the Opera! But the misunderstood monster isn't looking for romantic love... no... she's looking for maternal love. That's something a lot of people can relate to. I really want to read the book.
That's pretty much my day...
OH YEAH! One more thing... Shock Value... I got the email for Keenspace, then I verified it... Then, I tried to log in, but it said I didn't exist... so now, I'm on
http://www.jellycreations.com/
Now, I'm just waiting for Shock Value to be approved... yipee skippee.
---
I was thinking about her skin--
-MD
I'm beginning to fall in love with vampires again.
I don't feel too well. My ears are clogged, making things so hard to hear. My nose is stuffed up. I hate being sick, it's a waste of energy.
I think my emotions are very fucked up. I don't know why, either... After I got off the phone with Tenley today, I cried. I should be 'happy'. I have everything I possibly need at this moment, and it's just getting better... but for some strange reason, I feel empty. Has what Tenley was afraid of actually happened? Has my love for her run out? Don't get me wrong, I still love her, but as every day inches by, I understand more and more that I can't be that cute little naive Raevynne-byrd everyone knows. I have to, one day, stop. I know as soon as she scores a great job in Japan, I'll be out of the picture. I can't let myself be hurt when that day comes. I can't let myself be hurt again at all. I know she doesn't love me. She's expressed that to me before. She has her future to think about. She doesn't need a goo-goo-eyed fangirl clouding her plans, now, does she? And I don't need an idol. I used to need one, but now I know that I'm the only idol I'll ever need.
Funny that she showed me that.
---
I went to Tami's house last night and spent the night until today. Nothing paranormal happened (foo...) but I did have a good time.
Last night, Tami and I watched G.I. Jane. I now declare that movie as one of my favourites. Demi Moore is hot when she's G.I. Jane... What's my deal with masculine women? hah.
Today, we went to lunch at the really really awesome asian restaraunt called Firmosa. They have these little tatami rooms that you can request. It's way awesome. They're a little Americanized, but they're still way awesome. The food! DEEE-LISH! ^_^ Our waiter's name was Skyler. I only remember that 'cause he was soooo cute! -^_^- I want to take Tenley there one day.
After lunch, we went and saw The Ring 2. I know most people say that it sucked, but they suck for thinking that it sucked! I wasn't expecting it to be scary... The first one wasn't scary to me, either... I just really really like the story. It has all the elements of a good horror story, PLUS some, and on top of that, the auther did it in an original way1 I mean, you have this misunderstood monster. Most of the good stories you read have misunderstood monsters! I mean, look at Phantom of the Opera! But the misunderstood monster isn't looking for romantic love... no... she's looking for maternal love. That's something a lot of people can relate to. I really want to read the book.
That's pretty much my day...
OH YEAH! One more thing... Shock Value... I got the email for Keenspace, then I verified it... Then, I tried to log in, but it said I didn't exist... so now, I'm on
http://www.jellycreations.com/
Now, I'm just waiting for Shock Value to be approved... yipee skippee.
---
I was thinking about her skin--
-MD