Reality Check:
Today, most of the midwestern and northeastern regions of the United States had, are having, or are expected to have large amounts of snow dumped on their respective landscapes. My region is part of the "had" portion of that equation, having received about ten inches of snow on average. Schools are closed, streets are mostly empty, and I had to leave the house for an errand. Since my husband has the flu, I put our one-year old daugher into her snowsuit, strapped her into her new forward-facing carseat (rides with her are so much more pleasant now that she has a nice view), proceeded to clear nearly a foot of snow from the Honda, and headed out until the unknown.
As long as I was going out, I figured I would stop at the local party store and grab a candy bar and soda to enjoy in front of the fire back home. While I was paying for the items with my toddler in one arm, a man came up from the alcohol section and asked if he could get a single pack of cigarettes and still get some sort of special. The store clerk told him to wait his turn and focused his attention on me until our transaction was complete, as I believe every store clerk should do in that situation. Between my purchase, my purse and my toddler, I wasn't able to put my change away and so I carried it in my hand as I headed out the door.
On the way out of the party store, I noticed a young girl of about seven picking different candy items up, examining them, and putting them back before going on to the next candy item. I saw a small coin in her hand and realized she was checking prices. Feeling nurturing and generous, I asked her if she had money and she replied,"Yes, I have this quarter" and held it out for inspection. I proceded to dump the change from my hand into hers, telling her, "Well now you have enough to get whatever you want." As I headed out the door, I heard the customer that had been behind me in line bark,"Did you get your candy yet?"
And the realization sunk in. Both customer and daughter were bundled tightly in so much outerwear, they must have walked to the store. Mittens, snow boots and the like are not hallmarks of a nice cozy car ride to the corner store. The heavy snow meant schools were cancelled, and this girl was home with her father. There are several lower income apartment complexes within a mile of this store. I don't want to make too many assumptions, but I have a strong feeling the following scenario was unfolding in front of me:
Mom works but dad doesn't, so dad is watching girl home from school. Mom having the car with her at work would support my theory that father and daughter were without motor transportation for the day. Father needs to get his supply of booze and cigarettes for the day, but he can't leave young kid at home that long. So father entices kid to be complacent about bundling up and walking a long way (at least for someone her size) by promising that she can pick out a peice of candy. Trouble is, money is short and once they get there, dad realizes he barely has enough money for his alcohol and cigarettes (or maybe he knew all along but wanted to smooth experience on the way until he had his coping mechanisms in hand) and can only spare a quarter. Dude, they don't even sell individually wrapped gumballs that can be purchased with only 25 cents.
Now, perhaps I am jumping to conclusions about this, but it strikes me as extremely poor and selfish parenting to put your wants ahead of the kids needs. I am not so much even compaining about the money as she didn't *need* candy. But the child does need a parent who doesn't place his own selfish interests above the welfare of the child. That means not dragging your kid out only a couple hours after a blizzard has blown through for anything that isn't essential. I could be called a hypocrite because I, after all, was also at the same store with my child. But we had to go next door to the pharmacy anyhow, and walking an unnecessary 50 feet in the freezing cold is not the same as making your kid walk from home to the corner store just so you won't be out of cigarettes. It's not the kid's fault her school was closed and she had to stay home with you and crimp your style.
Tangential aside: If I am going to write a journal entry with the primary purpose of criticizing another's parenting philosophy, I should probably concede that I am no model of responsible parenting myself. So I'll admit it. I am a junkfood junkie, which, although unhealthy, is nowhere near as dangerous as my days of yore as an actual junkie. I have another admission - I usually let my one-year old share a portion of my candybar and I find that it has remarkable incentive properties where toddlers are concerned ("Emma, if you don't stop that you can't have any of mommy's candybar" works great provided a peice of candybar will be shared in the next 60 seconds).
As long as I was going out, I figured I would stop at the local party store and grab a candy bar and soda to enjoy in front of the fire back home. While I was paying for the items with my toddler in one arm, a man came up from the alcohol section and asked if he could get a single pack of cigarettes and still get some sort of special. The store clerk told him to wait his turn and focused his attention on me until our transaction was complete, as I believe every store clerk should do in that situation. Between my purchase, my purse and my toddler, I wasn't able to put my change away and so I carried it in my hand as I headed out the door.
On the way out of the party store, I noticed a young girl of about seven picking different candy items up, examining them, and putting them back before going on to the next candy item. I saw a small coin in her hand and realized she was checking prices. Feeling nurturing and generous, I asked her if she had money and she replied,"Yes, I have this quarter" and held it out for inspection. I proceded to dump the change from my hand into hers, telling her, "Well now you have enough to get whatever you want." As I headed out the door, I heard the customer that had been behind me in line bark,"Did you get your candy yet?"
And the realization sunk in. Both customer and daughter were bundled tightly in so much outerwear, they must have walked to the store. Mittens, snow boots and the like are not hallmarks of a nice cozy car ride to the corner store. The heavy snow meant schools were cancelled, and this girl was home with her father. There are several lower income apartment complexes within a mile of this store. I don't want to make too many assumptions, but I have a strong feeling the following scenario was unfolding in front of me:
Mom works but dad doesn't, so dad is watching girl home from school. Mom having the car with her at work would support my theory that father and daughter were without motor transportation for the day. Father needs to get his supply of booze and cigarettes for the day, but he can't leave young kid at home that long. So father entices kid to be complacent about bundling up and walking a long way (at least for someone her size) by promising that she can pick out a peice of candy. Trouble is, money is short and once they get there, dad realizes he barely has enough money for his alcohol and cigarettes (or maybe he knew all along but wanted to smooth experience on the way until he had his coping mechanisms in hand) and can only spare a quarter. Dude, they don't even sell individually wrapped gumballs that can be purchased with only 25 cents.
Now, perhaps I am jumping to conclusions about this, but it strikes me as extremely poor and selfish parenting to put your wants ahead of the kids needs. I am not so much even compaining about the money as she didn't *need* candy. But the child does need a parent who doesn't place his own selfish interests above the welfare of the child. That means not dragging your kid out only a couple hours after a blizzard has blown through for anything that isn't essential. I could be called a hypocrite because I, after all, was also at the same store with my child. But we had to go next door to the pharmacy anyhow, and walking an unnecessary 50 feet in the freezing cold is not the same as making your kid walk from home to the corner store just so you won't be out of cigarettes. It's not the kid's fault her school was closed and she had to stay home with you and crimp your style.
Tangential aside: If I am going to write a journal entry with the primary purpose of criticizing another's parenting philosophy, I should probably concede that I am no model of responsible parenting myself. So I'll admit it. I am a junkfood junkie, which, although unhealthy, is nowhere near as dangerous as my days of yore as an actual junkie. I have another admission - I usually let my one-year old share a portion of my candybar and I find that it has remarkable incentive properties where toddlers are concerned ("Emma, if you don't stop that you can't have any of mommy's candybar" works great provided a peice of candybar will be shared in the next 60 seconds).