Turned a New Rock
So, I've realized that I haven't been that dedicated to my Journal. I have also decided thats going to change today!
I also had some time to think over the weekend, plus I've talked to Jade a few times and frankly I am truly disappointed in myself as a cousin and friend. I know Jade's been aloof and distant since we left highschool, but that doesn't give me a right to give up on her. I have missed her so much since we stopped talking and the last couple of days have made me realize just how much. I know I can't blame myself for everything that happened, because she did have a lot of chances to come around when I asked, but I shouldn't have given up so easily. Tonight, me and her are going to go have dinner, talk about stuff.
This weekend I got to sleep in my tent, broke it in for the summer, that sounds really naughty, I know. Slept in it Saturday night, had so much fun just being one with nature. I didn't sleep in it last night like I thought I was going to. I heard it was supposed to rain, so I put the tent up. Maybe I'll bring it back out again before the summers over, or at least before I move to Lansing.
Ok, got that out of the way. Now it is time for another installment of CIA...Chapter 7. Enjoy.
Amber sat on the couch in her living room, her head on her hand and her eyes on the wall. Ever since the news of Kendra, she hadn't moved from that spot and didn't plan on it anytime soon. Russ and Nick had called every agent in South Africa, but there was still no news. Nothing. Nada. She seriously wished that she could do something to help but being way out of her element, didn't know what. In the middle of her thoughts, she didn't feel the dip in the cushion when Russ sat next to her.
"How are you?"
"Fantastic, you?"
When all else fails, go straight to the sarcasm. A motto Amber had kept close to her heart.
"The agents got a tip that Kendra's being held Prisoner by some Rogue Soldiers in South Africa. They won't let us go in and get her so, right now, the only thing we can do is wait."
"Why can't you go get her? She's an agent, don't they care one of their agents is out there, maybe hurt?"
As Amber talked, her voice started to waver. She didn't wait for an answer, just pushed Russ away when he tried to hold her and walked to her room. Never one to cry in front of others, she'd rather go in her room and be alone where she could just think. It didn't seem possible. Kendra was always so lucky. Amber sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest, trying to find a sense of calm in the downy softness. She sat that way for a couple of minutes just staring at her wall, not really thinking. Trying to find a calmness that seemed to come natural on other days. Today wasn't one of them.
Then her eyes focused on a red notebook sitting on her Nightstand next to her alarm clock. She didn't remember bringing a notebook into her room for any reason but she'd been so preoccupied since earlier that morning, she probably just set it there without thinking. Sprawling across her bed, she grabbed it from the stand and looked at the cover. Just a normal notebook, nothing special. Opening the page she recognized Kendra's writing. Her eyes big and hands shaking, she began to read, not really comprehending the words at first.
Dear Amber,
Well, I'm a coward of the lowest form. Instead of saying Good-bye face-to-face I have to write it down on paper. You're probably wondering why I actually decided to say Good-bye. It seems that the more I go out on missions, the more dangerous they become. I have a feeling this may be my last mission. So, before I actually end up going leaving you all for good, I had to have the last word, like always.
To Karrie and Josh- You guys have been the best of friends to a girl who grew up thinking that friends were something only found in books. You're the most wonderful people and together you make the best team. I wiah you luck in everything that you hope to accomplish and wish I could be there to spoil your kids. Make them candy addicts with boundless energy to drive you nuts.
Sarah- I knew your talent for poetry and writing would get you the world someday and it has. I'm so happy that you've been able to live your dream. Please keep your goals high and your love of life higher. I won't be there to see you when the Nobel Peace Prize but I will be watching you at your naughtiest. So beware. Good luck in everything.
Russ- You're the best partner a gal like me could have. You're funny, strong and definitly a turn on on those lonely nights during operations when I always got to look at your ass. Take care of Amber for me, she needs someone around to keep her in line. Don't fret,if you ever need my help, just look at the stars and say my name, the brightest will be me and I'll kick anyones ass who tries to hurt you. Stay cool and keep those buns tight.
Nick- Babe. You're the love of my life. It wasn't just the sex either. Thank you for putting up with me. I give you my solemn vow that even when I'm up in the big blue surrounded by hot angels, I'll always have you on my mind. Find someone to father your seed and love her as I always loved you. With that kind of unshakable bond, it'll get you through anything.
Last but not least, Amber- My friend. My Soul mate. My one true love. As always I keep coming back to the fact that you are and always will be my Straightest Gay Lover. I will treasure the time we spent together. Long talks in the middle of the night. Inside jokes no one else ever got. Our obsession over Gay men and British Hotties. You were my friend even when I was an ass and everytime I had a bad day, all I could think about were your hugs. You changed my life for the better and because you saw in me which everyone else overlooked I was able to believe in myself and do what I'd always wanted to do.Become a secret agent and kick all the bad guys ass'. Dude. I will always be around, so if you need to talk, you know where to find me. So, Peep and Woot! Be good and take care of Russ for me. I love you.
So, in closing and using good punctiation, as that it always important. I love you all. Amber. There are some letters in this notebook to everyone else in my family. Will you please mail them out. I really hate to say Good-bye this way but it was the easiest. Good Day to you all and as a wise woman once said:
"To Pee or not to Pee. That is not the question."
Stay Strong and Prosper,
Kendra
Amber put the notebook down next to her on the bed after reading the letter. Hearing the door open, she looked up to find Russ coming in.
"Amber, we need to talk. I just got some news from headquarters. They heard from the Soldiers that are holding Kendra as a prisoner. She was wounded in the crash and...she, she didn't make it. I'm so sorry.
Russ fell on his knees, to the floor. He didn't make a sound but his shoulders began to shake and she could see his cheeks were wet with tears. She couldn't move. All she could do is lay her hand on the notebook next to her as if that would calm her. Barely whispering she moved her hands over the cover of the notebook.
"I know. She already said Good-bye."
I also had some time to think over the weekend, plus I've talked to Jade a few times and frankly I am truly disappointed in myself as a cousin and friend. I know Jade's been aloof and distant since we left highschool, but that doesn't give me a right to give up on her. I have missed her so much since we stopped talking and the last couple of days have made me realize just how much. I know I can't blame myself for everything that happened, because she did have a lot of chances to come around when I asked, but I shouldn't have given up so easily. Tonight, me and her are going to go have dinner, talk about stuff.
This weekend I got to sleep in my tent, broke it in for the summer, that sounds really naughty, I know. Slept in it Saturday night, had so much fun just being one with nature. I didn't sleep in it last night like I thought I was going to. I heard it was supposed to rain, so I put the tent up. Maybe I'll bring it back out again before the summers over, or at least before I move to Lansing.
Ok, got that out of the way. Now it is time for another installment of CIA...Chapter 7. Enjoy.
Amber sat on the couch in her living room, her head on her hand and her eyes on the wall. Ever since the news of Kendra, she hadn't moved from that spot and didn't plan on it anytime soon. Russ and Nick had called every agent in South Africa, but there was still no news. Nothing. Nada. She seriously wished that she could do something to help but being way out of her element, didn't know what. In the middle of her thoughts, she didn't feel the dip in the cushion when Russ sat next to her.
"How are you?"
"Fantastic, you?"
When all else fails, go straight to the sarcasm. A motto Amber had kept close to her heart.
"The agents got a tip that Kendra's being held Prisoner by some Rogue Soldiers in South Africa. They won't let us go in and get her so, right now, the only thing we can do is wait."
"Why can't you go get her? She's an agent, don't they care one of their agents is out there, maybe hurt?"
As Amber talked, her voice started to waver. She didn't wait for an answer, just pushed Russ away when he tried to hold her and walked to her room. Never one to cry in front of others, she'd rather go in her room and be alone where she could just think. It didn't seem possible. Kendra was always so lucky. Amber sat down on her bed and hugged a pillow to her chest, trying to find a sense of calm in the downy softness. She sat that way for a couple of minutes just staring at her wall, not really thinking. Trying to find a calmness that seemed to come natural on other days. Today wasn't one of them.
Then her eyes focused on a red notebook sitting on her Nightstand next to her alarm clock. She didn't remember bringing a notebook into her room for any reason but she'd been so preoccupied since earlier that morning, she probably just set it there without thinking. Sprawling across her bed, she grabbed it from the stand and looked at the cover. Just a normal notebook, nothing special. Opening the page she recognized Kendra's writing. Her eyes big and hands shaking, she began to read, not really comprehending the words at first.
Dear Amber,
Well, I'm a coward of the lowest form. Instead of saying Good-bye face-to-face I have to write it down on paper. You're probably wondering why I actually decided to say Good-bye. It seems that the more I go out on missions, the more dangerous they become. I have a feeling this may be my last mission. So, before I actually end up going leaving you all for good, I had to have the last word, like always.
To Karrie and Josh- You guys have been the best of friends to a girl who grew up thinking that friends were something only found in books. You're the most wonderful people and together you make the best team. I wiah you luck in everything that you hope to accomplish and wish I could be there to spoil your kids. Make them candy addicts with boundless energy to drive you nuts.
Sarah- I knew your talent for poetry and writing would get you the world someday and it has. I'm so happy that you've been able to live your dream. Please keep your goals high and your love of life higher. I won't be there to see you when the Nobel Peace Prize but I will be watching you at your naughtiest. So beware. Good luck in everything.
Russ- You're the best partner a gal like me could have. You're funny, strong and definitly a turn on on those lonely nights during operations when I always got to look at your ass. Take care of Amber for me, she needs someone around to keep her in line. Don't fret,if you ever need my help, just look at the stars and say my name, the brightest will be me and I'll kick anyones ass who tries to hurt you. Stay cool and keep those buns tight.
Nick- Babe. You're the love of my life. It wasn't just the sex either. Thank you for putting up with me. I give you my solemn vow that even when I'm up in the big blue surrounded by hot angels, I'll always have you on my mind. Find someone to father your seed and love her as I always loved you. With that kind of unshakable bond, it'll get you through anything.
Last but not least, Amber- My friend. My Soul mate. My one true love. As always I keep coming back to the fact that you are and always will be my Straightest Gay Lover. I will treasure the time we spent together. Long talks in the middle of the night. Inside jokes no one else ever got. Our obsession over Gay men and British Hotties. You were my friend even when I was an ass and everytime I had a bad day, all I could think about were your hugs. You changed my life for the better and because you saw in me which everyone else overlooked I was able to believe in myself and do what I'd always wanted to do.Become a secret agent and kick all the bad guys ass'. Dude. I will always be around, so if you need to talk, you know where to find me. So, Peep and Woot! Be good and take care of Russ for me. I love you.
So, in closing and using good punctiation, as that it always important. I love you all. Amber. There are some letters in this notebook to everyone else in my family. Will you please mail them out. I really hate to say Good-bye this way but it was the easiest. Good Day to you all and as a wise woman once said:
"To Pee or not to Pee. That is not the question."
Stay Strong and Prosper,
Kendra
Amber put the notebook down next to her on the bed after reading the letter. Hearing the door open, she looked up to find Russ coming in.
"Amber, we need to talk. I just got some news from headquarters. They heard from the Soldiers that are holding Kendra as a prisoner. She was wounded in the crash and...she, she didn't make it. I'm so sorry.
Russ fell on his knees, to the floor. He didn't make a sound but his shoulders began to shake and she could see his cheeks were wet with tears. She couldn't move. All she could do is lay her hand on the notebook next to her as if that would calm her. Barely whispering she moved her hands over the cover of the notebook.
"I know. She already said Good-bye."