Virgin post
Yesterday was my last Hampton Court Festival job for this year. And today is the first day that I'm starting to quit cigarettes. I am such a cloud of emotions. I want tea but I don't want tea. I want to eat dinner but I don't want to eat dinner.
I have to go to the University of Westminster tomorrow to show some of my Aimhigher class around but I've fallen out with the other Associates in my group. We're in this weird limbo of fakeness and I hate it. Socially, I'm quite awkward around people who I don't know that well. But, I know that with these guys we're in a burning bridges situation anyway. I feel like tomorrow might be okay if I can wear a mask the whole day and if I have a giant glass of wine and someone who understood me waiting on the other side.
I'm kinda alone these days though. Honestly, there is no one waiting for me on the other side. Just me, and maybe a cigarette haze. Even though I'm quitting (isn't it bad to be a quitter?) It's June already and I'm waiting for the sun to make me happy. I wait for summer every year like I'm awaiting redemption. Half expectant and demanding, half humble and unsure.
I think I'm just going to watch some shows on my laptop and try to forget for a while. It's nice breathing in air that's not smokey but I really, really miss nicotine. I hope I don't complain about this too much. I don't like getting stuck.
I have to go to the University of Westminster tomorrow to show some of my Aimhigher class around but I've fallen out with the other Associates in my group. We're in this weird limbo of fakeness and I hate it. Socially, I'm quite awkward around people who I don't know that well. But, I know that with these guys we're in a burning bridges situation anyway. I feel like tomorrow might be okay if I can wear a mask the whole day and if I have a giant glass of wine and someone who understood me waiting on the other side.
I'm kinda alone these days though. Honestly, there is no one waiting for me on the other side. Just me, and maybe a cigarette haze. Even though I'm quitting (isn't it bad to be a quitter?) It's June already and I'm waiting for the sun to make me happy. I wait for summer every year like I'm awaiting redemption. Half expectant and demanding, half humble and unsure.
I think I'm just going to watch some shows on my laptop and try to forget for a while. It's nice breathing in air that's not smokey but I really, really miss nicotine. I hope I don't complain about this too much. I don't like getting stuck.