at teh movies
My sister was in town this weekend for Turkey Day, so I thought Julie and I would go out to see some film with her. So far so good. I even managed to sneak in paying for all of the tickets. Score!
And then we were in the theater about to watch Alexander. Wow, what a crappy film. Two hours and fifty-six minutes, and I had to sit through it all. It started with Angelina Jolie*, which is a good start, but then she started smearing this crappy Slavic accent all over the screen, over the seats, and into my ears. I was more concerned with the possible ramifications for 'moose and sqvirrel' than for Alexander here.
*It really started with someone playing Ptolemy, I guess, supposedly at a very small recreation of what a small version of the Library at Alexandria would look like. Ptolemy would not stop talking about Alexander and his import and how great a guy he was and so on. I didn't actually fall asleep, but just didn't pay much attention here. Nothing was being said that was remarkable, and it was clear that I was really in for it this time around. He would not stop talking.
There was a lot of crap in here about Alexander's home life and so on and so forth. His one-eyed father was a misogynistic, mean drunk who didn't like him so well, and his mother was a Russian spy who loved him as only spies can. I was confused here for long periods of time, as Alexander and all of his boyhood companions were blond boys of the same age and build, and completely indistinguishable from one another. Some of them wrestled and some won and some lost. I think Alexander won, or maybe lost, because just following this scene, Ptolemy helpfully informs us that Alexander was only defeated by "Ephastion's" thighs.
I'm probably not spelling it right, but Ephastion is Alexander's childhood friend, confidante, and apparent lover. He and Alexander exchange smoky looks through the whole movie, and then hug, but in a different direction than the smoky looks would have suggested. I think they kissed once, at which time I informed my sister that she now owed me for the movie ticket. She seemed amused by that. Then Alexander married that Roxane woman who we never saw much of. After her nude scene, I told my sister she no longer owed me for the cost of the ticket. She found that even funnier.
My favorite scene though is near the end of this terrible film. Ephastion was dying from something, so he was in bed the whole time weakly casting smoky looks. The camera cuts to Alexander in the same room, blabbing on about something. Blurrily, in the background, you can see Ephastion convulsing and dying while Alexander just keeps on talking, unaware. I found it tremendously amusing.
Don't bother with this movie.
And then we were in the theater about to watch Alexander. Wow, what a crappy film. Two hours and fifty-six minutes, and I had to sit through it all. It started with Angelina Jolie*, which is a good start, but then she started smearing this crappy Slavic accent all over the screen, over the seats, and into my ears. I was more concerned with the possible ramifications for 'moose and sqvirrel' than for Alexander here.
*It really started with someone playing Ptolemy, I guess, supposedly at a very small recreation of what a small version of the Library at Alexandria would look like. Ptolemy would not stop talking about Alexander and his import and how great a guy he was and so on. I didn't actually fall asleep, but just didn't pay much attention here. Nothing was being said that was remarkable, and it was clear that I was really in for it this time around. He would not stop talking.
There was a lot of crap in here about Alexander's home life and so on and so forth. His one-eyed father was a misogynistic, mean drunk who didn't like him so well, and his mother was a Russian spy who loved him as only spies can. I was confused here for long periods of time, as Alexander and all of his boyhood companions were blond boys of the same age and build, and completely indistinguishable from one another. Some of them wrestled and some won and some lost. I think Alexander won, or maybe lost, because just following this scene, Ptolemy helpfully informs us that Alexander was only defeated by "Ephastion's" thighs.
I'm probably not spelling it right, but Ephastion is Alexander's childhood friend, confidante, and apparent lover. He and Alexander exchange smoky looks through the whole movie, and then hug, but in a different direction than the smoky looks would have suggested. I think they kissed once, at which time I informed my sister that she now owed me for the movie ticket. She seemed amused by that. Then Alexander married that Roxane woman who we never saw much of. After her nude scene, I told my sister she no longer owed me for the cost of the ticket. She found that even funnier.
My favorite scene though is near the end of this terrible film. Ephastion was dying from something, so he was in bed the whole time weakly casting smoky looks. The camera cuts to Alexander in the same room, blabbing on about something. Blurrily, in the background, you can see Ephastion convulsing and dying while Alexander just keeps on talking, unaware. I found it tremendously amusing.
Don't bother with this movie.