(no subject)
im really disagreeing with life and it hurts to do so. there are so many things wrong with it.
i go to school for 6 hours a day, and work all day there. even during my frees--just to get homework done.
i come home and theres still more, plus either swimming or chorus. my day doesnt end until 7:00 or 8:30 every night. im usually doing homework before chorus or swimming.
and it breaks my heart because there is so much work that i may not be able to go to boston this weekend. i will have an essay to write that will be due on friday, and 50 pages on in my AP textbook to read.
it worries me that i will not be able to keep up and keep doing well on everything. i wish i could get a report card every month.
i'm also doing poorly in math. i need to do well.
chem today was frustrating because i was absent on monday and i dont know what mrs. rao is talking about. i'm.freaking.out.now.
when i was crying about all my work earlier my mother got very mad at me. she was completely unsympathetic that i've got so much work i cant go and visit the 2 people that im attatched to most right now.
shes mad at me because i have 2 friends here.
i was going to go see lost in translation the other day by myself, and she was like "why doesnt anyone ask you to see a movie?"
this is the kind of pressure im under. shes always the first to ask those questions, that naturally provokes my thought for why no one ever calls me, and i end up deciding that im just a big fuck up. [girls from LC---CAMP! dont even talk to me].
i dont have enough friends for people to constantly be asking me to do something. i have 2 friends here in the city, and sometimes they're busy. thats understandable.
but 2 friends? yeah. thats it.
shes angry and disappointed with me because all my good friends who would ask me to a movie every night if they could all live outside of this stupid state. whether its 45 minutes, 3 hours, or 4 hours away.
and my mother hates that.
and she's disappointed with me for it.
i dont kmow, i think she should take me out back and shoot me in the fucking face for being a kid that she can't be pleased with.
now why am i wasting time writing here, now?
i still have AP reading to do.
i'll probably get a negative 50 on that princeton test [or is it given by yale?]. but then again, i could never be up to princeton/yale standards in AP. when that happens grass will be blue and the sky will be green.
and my mother will still hate me.
i go to school for 6 hours a day, and work all day there. even during my frees--just to get homework done.
i come home and theres still more, plus either swimming or chorus. my day doesnt end until 7:00 or 8:30 every night. im usually doing homework before chorus or swimming.
and it breaks my heart because there is so much work that i may not be able to go to boston this weekend. i will have an essay to write that will be due on friday, and 50 pages on in my AP textbook to read.
it worries me that i will not be able to keep up and keep doing well on everything. i wish i could get a report card every month.
i'm also doing poorly in math. i need to do well.
chem today was frustrating because i was absent on monday and i dont know what mrs. rao is talking about. i'm.freaking.out.now.
when i was crying about all my work earlier my mother got very mad at me. she was completely unsympathetic that i've got so much work i cant go and visit the 2 people that im attatched to most right now.
shes mad at me because i have 2 friends here.
i was going to go see lost in translation the other day by myself, and she was like "why doesnt anyone ask you to see a movie?"
this is the kind of pressure im under. shes always the first to ask those questions, that naturally provokes my thought for why no one ever calls me, and i end up deciding that im just a big fuck up. [girls from LC---CAMP! dont even talk to me].
i dont have enough friends for people to constantly be asking me to do something. i have 2 friends here in the city, and sometimes they're busy. thats understandable.
but 2 friends? yeah. thats it.
shes angry and disappointed with me because all my good friends who would ask me to a movie every night if they could all live outside of this stupid state. whether its 45 minutes, 3 hours, or 4 hours away.
and my mother hates that.
and she's disappointed with me for it.
i dont kmow, i think she should take me out back and shoot me in the fucking face for being a kid that she can't be pleased with.
now why am i wasting time writing here, now?
i still have AP reading to do.
i'll probably get a negative 50 on that princeton test [or is it given by yale?]. but then again, i could never be up to princeton/yale standards in AP. when that happens grass will be blue and the sky will be green.
and my mother will still hate me.