Smile *NUKE FANFIC* Part 3
“Luke, I am sorry,” mutters a voice filled with tears.
Luke turns towards the voice. The tears continue to flow as Luke stands up and walks closer to the man before him. He gives a sigh and debates what he is going to say.
“I’m sorry too. Sorry that I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t sit around, putting my life on hold, in the hope that you will someday come back to me for good.” Luke sobs.
After the last word is uttered an eery silence falls over the room. Luke is wondering how Noah is going to respond. Noah is trying to figure out how to answer.
“Noah doesn’t know what to say. This means he is breaking up with me. He just doesn’t want to hurt me when he does. How much of what I said to Maddie was heard by him? Does he realize just how much he’s hurt me these last few months? The last couple years?” Luke’s mind races.
“Wow. This is the first time I have seen Luke up close since before the accident. God, he looks terrible. I wonder if he’s eating right? Or even sleeping? I never meant to hurt him this much. Will he ever forgive me? I wish I could tell him just how much he means to me. Well here goes nothing.” Noah thinks.
Noah gives a sigh then opens his mouth to speak as he turns to Maddie. Luke follows his gaze in shock.
“Maddie would you please leave Luke and I to talk about this.” Noah says, hoping it will help towards gaining Luke’s confidence.
Maddie turns and walks out the door. She smiles and says to herself, “my work here is done.”
“So you get rid of Maddie. Was that so we could be alone when you break up with me?” Luke mutters, sounds of a heart breaking with every syllable.
Noah is in shock. He didn’t realize that Luke would take his dismissal of Maddie as a bad thing. Noah starts towards Luke, but with every step he takes Luke takes one back.
“Luke stop! Noone is breaking up. Unless that’s what you want, but something in your tone tells me it’s not.” Noah says sternly.
“Then why didn’t you answer me right away? Why did it take until today for you to come back to me?” Luke asks.
“It took me this long because I was scared. Even after I could see again, I was afraid that you wouldn’t want me back.” Noah explains, his eyes reflecting his silent pleas for forgiveness.
Luke sees the look in Noah’s eyes and his heart begins to tug. Luke just wants to hug and immediately forgive Noah. However, Luke shakes his head and turns away from Noah’s gaze. He wipes the tears off his cheeks.
“Trust me Noah, I want to forgive you really bad, but I can’t do that and just ignore the past.” Luke sighs, sucks in a breath as the tears continue.
Noah hears Luke suck in a breath and he knows that once again he’s let Luke down. Noah sighs because he knows that letting people down is what he does best. He can count on his hand all of the people he’s disappointed: his dad, Ameera, Maddie, but most of all Luke.
“Luke, I know you have many reasons to hate me but…” Noah’s speech falters as he too begins to feel tears welling up.
“Hate you? Noah I could never HATE you!” Luke mutters as he steps within inches of Noah.
“Then why’d you say that you can’t forgive me?” Noah asks.
“Because we need to talk through our issues if we ever hope to get back to us” Luke mutters as he pulls away from Noah again.
“Okay, then lets talk. Where do you want to start?” Noah decides to sit down on the couch.
“Why’d you leave me behind when you had your eye surgeries?” Luke asks timidly, he sits next to Noah still not looking at him.
“Because Dr. Reid Oliver couldn’t stand you.” Noah answers simply.
“And once again because he’s an authority figure you took his request without question. You never fight for me, but I ALWAYS fight for you!” Luke says, hints of anger in his tone.
“That’s not true! I’ve always fought for you!” Noah says his voice getting louder now.
“When? Noah, you’ve never fought for me. Instead you ask for a break or worse you enlist. Even better yet you get married!” Luke yells, years of pent up emotions suddenly breaking free as he stands up.
“What about when you were paralyzed and didn’t want anyone’s help? I showed up anyways and stuck around despite you trying to get rid of me! I helped you learn to walk again! I even told you I loved you! Now you are going to say I never even fought for you?” Noah yells back, standing up.
“Wow! Noah you are such an upstanding guy! You fight for me ONE time and you expect me to believe that you ALWAYS fought for me? What about all those other times, huh? Like when your dad was dead set on getting rid of me? Or when I wanted to spend time with you during your marriage? Did you stand by me when I got expelled? Or what about when I was being hit on by my step-grandfather? Face it Noah! You are always more likely to cower in fear than you are to stand and fight for the man you claim as the love of your life.” Luke screams.
“Oh so you fought for me? Luke you never fought for me you merely bent the rules and the laws in order to get what you want. Nine times out of ten your screw ups drove me away! Like when you were getting drunk all the time and claiming that Brian was coming on to you and then you got mad when no one believed you! You want to know why no one believed you? Because you were drunk LUKE! I may not have always verbally fought for you but, I would take a bullet to save your life any day of the week. Can you say the same? Lately I haven’t been so sure about that.” Noah yells then balls his hands into fists.
“I would definitely take a bullet for you! What do you mean you haven’t been so sure lately? Hello, earth to Noah! You were the one who walked away from us! Not ME, YOU! I have always loved you despite your screw ups! So don’t even say that you are unsure about my love for you because I should be the only one questioning things right now!” Luke screams and begins pacing angrily.
“My screw ups?” Noah questions.
“I really don’t want to fight with you Noah. It’s not going to get us anywhere.” Luke sighs, tired from all the screaming and crying.
The two men both stop their angry pacing. Both stare each other down. Soft, apologetic blue eyes gaze at his true loves milky, tired hazel eyes. Noah’s posture goes slack as he gives Luke a geniune love filled smile. As a response Luke gives the first real smile he’s given in weeks.
Both men exchange every silent apology, they ever forgot to say, between their gazes.
“He’s back” Luke and Noah think at the exact same time.
They both return to the couch. Noah lets his eyes devour every contour of Luke’s body, as if for the first time. Luke lets his fingers touch every inch of Noah. Noah gazes into Luke’s eyes and he too starts softly touching Luke’s skin. Both give a smile and realize that as long as they keep smiling everything will turn out fine.
“When I was blind…” Noah starts in a whisper before Luke’s finger against his lips stops him.
“Noah, I know. You don’t have to say anything.” Luke whispers as he kisses Noah on the lips.
Noah falls into Luke’s kiss.
“No, I need to say this.” Noah pulls out of Luke’s arms.
“We don’t have to talk right now. We’ve already said enough.” Luke attempts to kiss Noah again.
Noah rebuffs Luke’s advances by putting his hand between his and Luke’s face.
“No we haven’t hardly talked at all. Luke, we can’t just let these issues go. Now please let me finish,” Noah starts, “When I was blind I shoved you away because I was feeling alone. Like I was the only one who knew what it felt like to lose the sense of freedom and choice. Now I realize that I should have confided in you because you knew what that felt like.”
“When you asked me if I was okay with you marrying Ameera, I lied. I was so heartbroken watching the love of my life slipping away. I was jealous of Ameera, even though, I denied it every time you accused me of it.” Luke mutters softly, tearing his gaze away from Noah’s.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me this? Luke, that must have destroyed you inside having to keep silent. I really wish you could have told me.” Noah croons cupping Luke’s chin and turning his face.
“You know, I used to think that we had everything figured out, that we could talk about everything. However, now I realize that we still have a lot to talk about.” Luke whispers, gazing lovingly at Noah.
Noah silently conveys his understanding by pulling Luke into a kiss. This kiss holds more emotion than any of their previous kisses combined. Before long the two are lying down on the couch.
Neither is saying a word, but their looks, kisses, touches, and hearts speak volumes. Both are back where they belong: on the receiving end of the other’s smile.